SOME OF THE STUFF I'LL BE THINKING ABOUT TOMORROW

I've taken this straight from Geoff Heugill's 'Be Your Best'. I plan to take some quiet 'me-time' tomorrow to think about my personal code of conduct and how I can use it to be my best in 2012.

I love these basic bits of sensible and doable advice that can be applied to any part of your life. I have no aspirations to be an elite athlete (LOL) but I do want to do well at my studies and I plan to nail some health and fitness goals.

And now for something a bit lighter and fluffier - here's my new do (more pics to come shortly). Eeegads, looking a little worse for wear after a few drinks with dinner. All the more reason to cut back in 2012.

We are partying with my bestie Miss E at her home complete with pool and drinks provided. It'll be a scorcher here in Adelaide so it should be a great night.

What are your plans for NYE?

M

2011 REFLECTIONS

With only a few days left in this year, I thought it would be a good time to look back on how 2011 panned out.

After the horrendous start with floods, tsunamis and other freaks of nature the year got off to a good start. I started training for my 2nd half marathon and got to about 4 weeks out when I was plagued by chronic injury that wouldn't respond to physio or chiro treatment. I made a wise decision to downgrade to a 10km race instead so as not to waste all that training effort. Post race I kept running but my injury got steadily worse. Eventually I saw the light and decided to hang up my running shoes and become a walker instead.

I spent the first half of the year still struggling with my eating. Weight up, weight down (not by a lot but enough to be damn annoying) binging, making up for it, over and over. On 10 June things took a turn when I made a decision to stop dieting, accept how I was and start trusting myself to know what, how to eat. I can honestly say "life was good" as my weight came down and I was feeling calm and happy within myself.

In August I discovered Bikram yoga and was instantly in love with this style of workout. I don't go often but I love how it makes me feel and the meditation aspect of it is awesome. It will never be my main form of working out but I plan to keep it up in 2012.

Weight training has never been my passion but I kept up a reasonable schedule for most of the 2nd half of the year. The fact that I wasn't running coupled with a careful approach to my lower body training saw my injury subside significantly. I had some really good months from June to about October.

Professionally my highlights were studying my management training course which I really loved and my stint as Acting Director in October. After the initial fear of failure I decided to embrace the opportunity and give it my best shot. It was a tough time with a massive workload, study ramping up to exams and managing my home life as well but I got through it all admirably, I thought.

So I'm not quite sure what happened in November but when the wheels fell off, they REALLY fell off. I was binging frequently again. I'd lost my training mojo. I lost my trust in myself. I was no longer in my happy place and struggled through several weeks, off and on, in this state.

Look I'm not complaining. Life is good and I know I have so much to be grateful for but I know I could have finished the year much better than I did. There is a hint of disappointment around this and hence I've planned the start of 2012 to be different and better.

Phew what a year that was but I'll be glad to say goodbye and embrace the new one with a different outlook and some specific goals. Stay tuned for part 2 coming soon.

LAZY DAYS. HOLIDAYS.

Just as I thought, Mother Nature delivered the expected case of lower body DOMS today. It started to set in late morning luckily after my Bikram yoga class. Speaking of which, boy, did I struggle today!!! My body just didn't want to bend, or stretch. My right knee was plagued by a sharp pain when trying to awkward pose with knees together. I had to stand it out. I got through but it was definitely one of my poorer efforts.

The in laws are with us for a few days now but I still plan to get my training done in the morning. This afternoon they went to visit some friends so I headed out for a nice brisk walk. I did 45 minutes and felt so much better after several hours of siting around. I tell you, all this relaxing is hard work. It makes me tired LOL.

Tomorrow I'm tackling upper body and core. It's my favorite of my 2 weights sessions. There'll probably be some upper body DOMS to match what I already have.

Anyways that's it for me today. Lazy days. Holidays. Days to think about 2012.

M

BOXING DAY AND A NEW APPROACH FOR 2012

Today it's all about enjoying the laziness of Boxing Day. The entire family (all 3 of us LOL) had a sleep in this morning. BLISS. Peter went for a run and I attacked my lower body and abs training. It felt good to seriously move again. We skipped breakfast with the family and had a healthier, lighter option at home. My system was instantly happy from being treated so well. Although I'll probably be rewarded with another case of DOMS tomorrow as its been too long between training sessions.

The next few days are all about moderation. We still have family here and lots of social eating and drinking but my plan is to keep the food relatively clean and enjoy a wine or two. That and daily exercise should help things level back out until next week. Then it'll be time to cut the wine back further and tackle some health and fitness goals for 2012. And I won't be going it alone this time. Yes I have enlisted some help to get me leaner, fitter and healthier. I'm already working with Hilde but will be ramping things up from next week.

Hilde understands that I'm not interested in a regimented diet plan and that I want to keep working on trusting myself to make the right food choices. But I do need support to improve some of my habits around alcohol and treat foods. Plus my training had become so lacklustre that it really needed a serious kick in the butt. So I have a training program that gives me that much needed boost. We are working together to establish good, healthy lifestyle patterns. There's no 12 week challenge, no using this as a stepping stone to another comp nor anything that I can't continue with forever. Oh and no weekly weighing and measuring. I can honestly tell where my body is at now without jumping on the Metal Monster.

So there you have it. A different approach to get the outcome I want but one that I feel really positive about. Bring on a leaner, fitter and healthier 2012.

:-) M

CHRISTMASSED OUT

Although I do love Christmas, I can honestly say "I'm glad it's over." I'm Christmassed out and will grab an early night as a serious recharge is in order.

I don't know what it is but the season just melts away all good intentions and I eat too much, drink too much and end up feeling rather bleuuur. And it's not just for one day but the whole week. I can't wait to get some normality back into my life.

Yesterday I took the plunge and got my hair cut seriously short and funky. I also got a spray tan to go with today's white dress (pics to come) and I tell you, I'm a new woman. My in laws hardly recognized me when they came for dinner last night LOL. Today I slipped on the white body hugging dress, ignored the extra couple of kilos that I didn't want, put on my killer red heels with a good dose of positive attitude and carried it all off beautifully. It helps when your shoes are so high that you're scaling the 6 foot mark and looking down on most people. I'm sure the extra kilos disappeared with my added height.

Tomorrow there will be training (probably lower body weights), a day spent with family, sensible eating, less drinking and lots of chilling out. My system needs to rebalance so I get back to my happy place, ready to tackle 2012. I like Liz's idea of monthly goals and am planning some of my January goals now.

Cheers to you all and hoping you've had a great day.

Xx m

DIABETES FOR DUMMIES - PART 3

Today mum had her final 2011 appointmement with the Diabetes Educator (DE). She's been checking her blood sugar levels for 2 weeks and the DE assessed her results and checked her weight yet again. Mum got gold stars all round. She has maintained her sugar levels well within the recommended bandwidth and in the last 2 weeks she registered another 1.5kg loss on the scales. In 4 weeks she has lost 4.5kgs plus the bit she lost before starting to see the DE. All she's done is cut the sugary and fatty foods from her diet and introduced daily walking. She still eats 3 serves of fruit every day and manages 3 meals and 3 snacks with a good variety of foods. Who says you cant teach an old dog (she's 75) new tricks??? LOL

Today's visit was focussed on educating about circulation and the risks that diabetics have with their feet, eyes and kidneys. The DE explained very simply and clearly how gangrene can form and possibly lead to amputation. Also how diabetes affects the eyes and kidneys where blood vessels are particularly fine and or delicate. Yet again I was totally absorbed in the "lesson". I've learnt so much by going with mum and listening to the information presented to her.

On a positive note mum is down to just 3 blood sugar tests / week now and under instruction to enjoy Christmas Day and eat what she wants but not to stuff herself and not to get drunk (LOL she is at absolutely no risk of either!!). I'm planning to sneak a pair of "diabetic socks" into her Christmas stocking - who ever thought there was such a thing??!!

Her visits next year will be just monitoring her progress to ensure that she stays on track with her new good habits. In light of her diagnosis I have decided to do my health check annually despite having a very good result early this year. I'd rather be aware and informed than to bury my head in the sand thinking "it wont happen to me."

Cheers all for now

M

SURVIVING THE SILLY SEASON

How are you all coping with the silliness of the festive season? I'm sure I'm not alone when I say how crazy its all getting as the BIG day draws closer.

 

For example, last week I managed to be out EVERY night of the week. Now for an old homebody like me - who leads a boring, sheltered life (LOL) - this is unheard of. But I did get out: Monday to Bikram yoga, Tuesday to speech night at my son's school, Wednesday I took my boy skating after dinner, Thursday Peter and I had a late dinner out and last night was the end of year booze up for both mine and Peter's work. Phew, I'm exhausted just thinking back about it all. A sleep in til 9.15 this morning was VERY welcome!!

 

I've accepted that in these couple of weeks I wont be making any major fitness gains or drops in scale numbers and thats ok. Moderation is my mantra and if I can coast through in this mode, I'll be really happy. Yesterday's partying from lunch through til early night was a good example. I had a few champagnes at lunch time (which lasted til 5pm BTW!!) and then took a break and guzzled as much water as I could comfortably fit in. At 6.30 I met Peter and his work friends and we headed out for a Chinese dinner followed by the casino. I had a few more wines/champagnes but nowhere near as many as in previous years.

 

Training wise I've done ok with my highlight being yesterday morning's upper body weights session. After no weight training for a few weeks, my whole upper body was shaking after I finished, thanks to 4 supersets and 3 x 1 min planks (my limit has been 50 seconds up til now). It was just what my muscles needed after a 2-3 week hiatus LOL.

 

So I'm looking ahead with the same mindset:

 

• Eat well during the week
• Get in as many AFDs (alcohol free days) as possible
• Move as much as possible
• Dont neglect the sleep
• At work stay focussed, calm and complete the "To Do" list
• Enjoy next weekend!!

 

What does next week have in store for you??

 

Cheers all

 

M

GEOFF HUEGILL'S "BE YOUR BEST"- BOOK REVIEW

I saw my local book shop advertise this as a Christmas gift idea. It was near the end of November - a pretty horrible month for me - and it sort of spoke to me. The next day I picked it up in Target for $13 less (sorry, local bookstore but a saving is a saving) and have really enjoyed reading it.

Its an easy read with lots of pictures and higlighted quotes. Its written in the first person in a casual, conversational style and tells his story from learning to swim at 3 years of age through to the present day. His swimming highlights, his swimming low lights and his personal struggles.

This chapter in particular was a great read. I didnt know Geoff's story at all other than "great swimmer and then he left swimming and got really fat." This chapter is raw and honest. If you've had a bad day, or a bad patch it can make you feel less alone knowing that even the greatest can hit rock bottom - and not just for a day or a week. Depression can suck the life out of you and it certainly did for Geoff. The road to recovery is not always as easy as a bit of positive self talk and 20 minutes of exercise. It can and does take a long time to see positive changes after taking positive action.

 

I'm still reading this final section because I want to really savour it, absorb it. Although its somewhat on the light side it stays in sync with the rest of the book. The messages are clear and simple, yet again an easy read. Plus its split into 3 facets: Champion Spirit, Champion Mindset and Champion Health. They meld together beautifully into what became a winning formula for Geoff's comeback.

There are lots of great athletes around and there's no denying the blood, sweat and tears they put into their training to achieve elite status. However, to have all that and then lose it so badly (From Hero to Zero) and then regain it is no mean feat. No wonder he can confidently espouse the virtues of his "Champion" approach to life now.

Cheers all

M

BITS, BOBS AND BAFFLED.

Another week done and dusted. Peter acting in an exec position and working like a demon. My work has ramped down a little but MUST maintain motivation for another 2 weeks. Just breathe and do it.

Application for uni course was lodged today. I'll spare the gory details but this was on again / of again more times than I care to write about. Lets just say that in the end Adelaide Uni came through and it looks like all systems go now for a Feb start.

Had a lovely Christmas lunch yesterday as a guest of one of our service providers. Met up with an ex neighbour that we were really good friends with and sat next to him at the lunch. Couldnt understand why I just couldnt engage him in a conversation - not about his youngest son (born just before our boy), not about his older kids, his wife, his work. He managed a few sentences about moving house and then engaged in conversation with others about where he lives now. I was baffled. I told my family about it that night including the fact that he had put on a LOT of weight. Mum said he probably felt embarassed running into me. WTF??!! Do guys (middle-aged men) think that way???

Will be writing a book review soon - watch this space.

Signing off now and attempting AGAIN to receive today's emails.

Cheers all

M

DIABETES FOR DUMMIES - PART 2

This afternoon Mum had her second appointment with the Diabetes Educator (DE) and the topic was "diet analysis and feedback." Mum has kept a diet diary for 2 weeks and the DE examined it and gave feedback on what mum's been eating - keeping in mind she (Mum) has been instructed to lose weight and been given a list of foods she should and shouldnt eat. There is no such thing as intuitive eating when you're managing Type 2 diabetes through diet and lifestyle!!

So the first bit of good news was a 2.9kg loss on the scales (over a 2 week period). Mum's diet is a lot leaner but she still eats cashews and avocado for good fats. Gone are the daily cakes and fatty salami style meats - replaced with lean beef and chicken breasts. She is allowed 3 serves of fruit every day and she has this religiously as she loves fruit.

The examination of her diet got the thumbs up - leaner, still good variety and obviously getting the desired result. Plus she is eating 6 times a day so there is no starvation involved. Add the daily walking (for a longer time now than what she could manage 2 weeks ago) and she was scoring gold stars left right and centre.

She then had a lesson in how to measure blood sugar levels and was provided with the necessary machinery for this and the visit finished with a lesson on the implications and side effects of diabetes with very clear instructions as to why it was SO important to manage the lifestyle factors that impact on it.

I'm so proud of mum for really making the effort to change and not taking this lightly. I know Dad has had a bit of a whinge about some of the "new food" but he's been told to "be quiet" and he has also lost some weight.

As for me, I did a little mini meet with my Metal Monster this morning and to my surprise it was telling me that I'm still in the 65s (albeit only be hair's whisker). That's a nice levelling out if ever there was one. Now to have that drop a little more by Christmas Day would be like icing on my cake :-)

M

THE LEAD UP TO CHRISTMAS

Wow there are now less than 3 weeks to Christmas and judging by how time goes at this time of year, the BIG day will be here in what feels like 5 minutes. Breathe!

My thighs and butt now bear the result of November's struggles with binge eating :-( and although I havent reacquainted myself with the Metal Monster, I dont need to as I can just feel the extra kilos. I dont like them but I also dont beat myself up over them or what lead to them being there.

Yesterday morning I tried on my Christmas Day dress (white and very body hugging) and admitted it didnt look quite as good as I had hoped. I'm really counting on the spray tan and killer red heels to make the difference - oh and a total chop to a short and funky hairstyle. But at the end of the day I know I can carry off the dress as long as I feel good and maintain good posture and a smile on my face. Those three work wonders together - NOT stressing about the size of my thighs LOL.

December is going well and I'm about to try something a bit different but that I feel very positive about. Lips are sealed for now though while I sort things out and then see how it all pans out. Watch this space, I say.

Cheers all

M

PEELING AWAY THE ONION LAYERS

I have a good feeling about December.

November ended on a totally crappy note. I was back on struggle street, my eating out of control for a few days, my thoughts just a mess, work issues sucking the life out of me. I was on a real downer.

But I started December wanting to make a clean break, a new beginning. I just had to get a good day under my belt. Well as it turned out I managed a little "me-time" stopping for a coffee to kill some time on my way to a meeting (long story as to how I had time to kill). I got my journal out and the thoughts, revelations, aha moments just flowed. It seemed that after weeks and weeks of struggling with on again/off again binging, it finally came to me why it was happening, what was causing it and I can now plan a way forward.

I tell you, this journey is like an onion - layer upon layer that needs to be peeled away. Having conquered my issues with dieting, fixation on scale numbers and acceptance of my body at this weight, I thought I had nailed it. But of course it was never going to be THAT simple and I now have a new layer to work on. But I'm good with that - in fact more than being good with it - I'm relieved that I have identified just what I need to work on :-) Happy. Happy (in a wierd sort of way LOL)

Finally the study issue has been resolved. I shared my concerns with Peter over coffee this morning (our first chance for a short but proper talk) and HE was insisting that I do it. Long story short - you never know where the qualifications will take you and I was taking too narrow a view. Of course he's right (logical thinking vs emotional reaction) and I'm quietly relieved as deep down I would have been disappointed to pass up the opportunity. So its full steam ahead with my Grad Cert and then see where I want to go after that.

As you can tell, I'm back in my happy place :-)

M

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR

Today was a classic example of "be careful what you wish for". Last night I was in a quandary about how I could change and evolve. I literally feel like I'm drowning in work, deadlines, mum duties, family responsibilities AND if all that wasnt enough to test me, I'm struggling with my eating and to some extent my exercise as well. I can sum November up in a few words: emotional and physical roller coaster. OVER. IT.

But that's not what tonight's post is about. Peter shared some BIG news at dinner tonight, news that will impact on us significantly. Today he was offered an Assistsnt Directors position at his current place of work but in a different section. He would be working with a colleague who he respects and gets along with really well. One aspect of his role is a line of work that he loves and is really good at. Some other aspects are not as exciting (welcome to the real world). He will accept the offer after sorting through handover issues with his current Director.

I'm really happy for him. He deserves this and will be really good at it. He's been unhappy with work for so long that this break through will hopefully get him out of his current negative rut. It's so good just to see him happy and excited about the prospect of this change.

But - and there's always a but isn't there - after my recent experience as Acting Director I'm very strongly of the opinion that there can only be one executive in a family with children. The demands on your time are too great and the other partner needs to pick up the slack and make sure the kid isn't neglected. As my parents get older, we'll be relying on them less and less meaning we need to be able to do more.

Ok "so what" you say. Well it makes me think again about my decision to keep studying. And I do this because although on the one hand I'd like to get a formal qualification, the reason for getting it is to advance my career. Where I work now (and I love it so I'm not looking to leave) the only way up is to a director's position. I would not invest the several thousand dollars for any other reason.

It's a tough one and I need to ponder it and weigh up how my heart feels and to a lesser extent what my head days. So maybe thats the change that I pined for last night. Delivered to me in an indirect way......maybe. Perhaps it's no coincidence that my uni application hasn't gone in it yet (due 9 December) and that Peter missed out on a job he recently applied for. Who knows??!!

M

NEW BEGINNINGS - MY TAKE

In this recent post Liz wrote about new beginnings and making some minor changes to her routine. I'm not familiar with the Christian calendar and Advent but I like the idea that the new beginnings would start in the last month of the year. It has a quirky appeal. New year's resolutions and the whole idea of starting fresh and doing things differently on the first day of the year just doesnt wash with me. For many, resolutions last a few days (if you're lucky) and are then forgotten.

Although work has been really busy with a major deadline (today) thrown at us late last week, in my spare time (LOL) I've been thinking about change, personal transformation and development. I want to move forward, to evolve and change but right now I'm not seeing my way to do this. My thoughts are frantic and muddled. I'm reacting badly to work pressure and the (life/emotional) balance has tipped over and I'm trying to put it back together.

Maybe I just need to sit and breathe, still the chaos in my head so that my heart can be heard. Maybe I need to facilitate the reconnection despite all that goes on around me. At the end of the day I know that everything I'm looking for is already within me, I just need to allow it to surface.

M

WHAT AN AWESOME DAY

What an awesome day starting with a sleep in :-) meaning no Bikram yoga :-( but replaced with a 52 minute walk as fast as I could manage :-) The weather was glorious for it too.

This was followed up with a quick baking of Anzac biscuits to take for sharing after our boy's strings concert in the afternoon. After a shower and hair wash I took myself out to buy fresh bread and enjoyed a coffee and a late breakfast of raisin toast at my favourite cafe. A quick read of the paper just set the morning off beautifully :-)

After the troops had their lunch we got ourselves organised and headed off to school for the end of year strings concert. My boy played a solo (beautifully, I thought) and we were all really proud of him (my parents and aunty all came to watch). A quick afternoon tea at school and then a coffee and biscuit stop over on the way home meant I ate a bit more than I intended but I decided to just go with the flow :-)

Peter and I got to work at home baking a carrot cake for the grand final Movember bake off seeing as he won his round earlier making the best banana cake. He did the work, I just helped with some of the prep. Then we had a relaxing wine in our outdoor area before cooking up a BBQ for dinner :-)

Sadly the day finished with a plethora of jobs like making lunches, folding washing and cooking chili con carne for tomorrow night's dinner but hey, you gotta take the bad with the good. At least I'll go to bed shortly knowing that bar a couple of morning chores, I'm organised for the week :-)

I hope you had a good weekend too and that you have a great week ahead.

Cheers all

:-) M

A DINNER TREAT OUT TONIGHT

After a week of mindful healthy and lean eating its nice to go out and enjoy a bit of a treat. We had a funny dinner conversation during the week when our 9 year old declared that he liked going out to dinner and didn't want to eat at home every night of the year. Peter and I looked at each other bewildered by his declaration wondering "where did THAT come from?" but decided that yes it had been a while since we had eaten out as a family.

So tonight we went to a local Greek restaurant (that happened to win a significant award lately). Oh my I LOVE Greek food. We shared a mixed platter of meat and seafood dishes served with rice, chips (didn't waste any room on those) and Greek salad. It was devine and because we hadn't filled up on dips and pita bread first, I treated myself to dessert tonight and had a galaktobureko (Greek custard in filo pastry). YUMMO!!!

Now I feel all fueled up to walk to and from Bikram yoga as well as doing the 90 minute class (no mean feat, I tell you). Oh and let's not forget that this "treat" puts me in a good psychological space for another week of healthy, lean eating.

Feeling great. Looking good. Loving life.

:-) M

SACRED ME TIME - PART 2

Today's sacred me-time started with getting up before I wanted to :-( But this meant I got in a 40 minute walk, in the drizzle before embarking on the day's activities.

After a shower and breakfast, I headed out to pick up my Mum to take her to do her Christmas shopping. We started with the obligatory coffee at Cibo and planned our shopping expedition. By lunch time it was all done :-) so we enjoyed a leisurely meal at a nice cafe. I'm so proud of Mum making the necessary dietary changes to help her lose weight and manage her diabetes. Even though it wasnt on the menu, she wanted grilled fish with a side salad and no chips. I had a lamb salad and because our meals were quite healthy there was a guilt-free glass of wine to be had as well. Naturally we had a lovely chat over the course of the day.

Seeing as it was a long(ish) drive home we set off after lunch giving me a little down time before picking my boy up from school. The day just went so fast :-) :-( (feeling good about that but a little sad too) but I really enjoyed it. I am SO grateful that I still have my wonderful Mum and that she is in good enough health to spend a day trawling a Westfield LOL.

This is Mum holding my little niece taken about a year ago.



On that note I shall sign off and sneak in an early night as I'm quite tired but regardless, I'm feeling absolutely awesome and looking forward to a great weekend. Hope your's is good too.

:-) M

JUST CORRECTED MY SPELLING ERRORS IN MY PREVIOUS POST

SACRED ME TIME

Today was Day 1 of 2 days of sacred me-time. This is my treat to myself for working so hard through October and I've planned it well to make it really worthwhile.

After dropping my boy at school and having a coffee with Peter before he went to work, I took myself off to the 9.30 Bikram yoga class. That will be 3 sessions since Sunday, a record for me so far. After BY it was a quick dash for a 1 hour full body sports massage. I have a real love/hate with sports massages. My God they hurt like hell but they are soooooo good.

I followed this up with a nice lunch out .... and yes I was on my own. I went to one of my favourite local eateries and ordered the spaghetti marinara which they make to an exceptional standard. I teamed it with a glass of Scarpantoni School Block and I was one happy camper.

Then it was off for a spa pedicure to address my long raggedy toenails, dry cracked heels and neglected feet. I now have beautiful soft feet with nice dark red nails. I feel all glam LOL. After that it was time to pick my boy up from school and we went shopping for a friend's birthday present. Oh that was after ice cream and chai tea at Cibo.

It has been a fantastic day, one that I enjoyed immensely and tomorrow I spend my me-time with my mum which will also be great. I truly believe that we all need some decent self pampering at times just because it feels so good. Nourish the soul and it will serve you well. Neglect it and expect to fight a lot of internal battles.

M

DIABETES FOR DUMMIES

Ive written recently (read here) about my mum's diabetes diagnosis earlier this month. Its now confirmed that she is diabetic (not pre-diabetic as I had thought). Today I visited her Diabetes Educator with her to make sure that she (and I) both understand her condition and how to manage it. It was a really interesting session and I learnt a lot from it.

But more than the learnings about diabetes it has made me stop and think about health and well being in general. How many of us take our health for granted by allowing poor diet, fitness and lifestyle habits to creep in? How many of us carry a few extra kilos because we can't be arsed to put the effort in to losing them. That effort of being careful and disciplined with our food and exercising consistently - including those times when we can't be arsed - just seems too hard sometimes, especially when there seems to be no direct motivation to do it.
How many of us live with a "she'll be right" attitude because facing up to a "she may not be all right" attitude is harder? Come on, admit it, you've probably been guilty of it at some stage.

Ok I confess (and you all know it anyway) that I've been guilty of all of the above. It's human nature to take the easy way and to make some poor decisions (sometimes). When you know that your general health is good, when you know that your weight is not a health risk, when your fitness level is better than that of the average office worker, it's bloody easy to get complacent about it all. I've certainly had plenty of those times.

But today I learnt that I have a 40% chance of getting diabetes myself. I learnt the factors that will contribute to its onset and I learnt a bit about its management strategy (more of that in lesson 2 in 2 weeks time). I tell you, if that's not enough to motivate me to do my best to control the onset factors that can be controlled then I don't know what is.

My mum will manage her diabetes through diet, exercise and weight loss until eventually she'll need tablets and then insulin injections. Not something I want to be looking down the barrel at as I get older. Because whilst its not the diabetes itself that is the killer (pardon the pun), its the complications that can arise from it that would make life suck.

M

GOOD HABITS

Operation Shedding the Spread is underway and I swear even after just 1 day of eating really well and doing a decent training session, I feel infinitely better and slimmer already LOL. Which goes to show, its not about the scale number or how many centimetres the tape measure is showing (geez I havent done that for ages) but more about the good habits that you string together over a day, a week or the months that have the feel-good effect. This effect then translates into carrying yourself better through better posture which has the effect of making you look slimmer. And so the positive spiral continues.

Its nice to have a dose of leg DOMS tonight which means it should be a little worse tomorrow - proof that the bit of leg training I aim for weekly is still effective. I think I'm also feeling some effect from yesterday's Bikram yoga because last week I was totally slack and blew off all my weight training. You know when I go off the rails, I REALLY go off the rails. No point doing things by halves LOL.

Oh and on a completely different note I must confess my latest obsession ....



Isnt she just so beautiful, elegant and classy. I'm in awe.

:-) M

SHEDDING THE SPREAD

I sit here on a Sunday night after an awesome weekend. Ive had 3 fantastic days of feeling calm, balanced and knowing that I'm not at risk of falling into the pit of despair again (well not for a while anyway LOL).

Admittedly my jeans felt a bit tight on Saturday morning but I knew that would be expected. Their tightness wont last long, I know that too. On Saturday night we had a group of friends and family over for an (early) Thanksgiving dinner. I wanted to wear something nicer than jeans and it was a coolish night so I put on my black stretch pants (made from a very thick fabric with good hold). I teamed them with my black top from Rayure (bought in Singapore this year) which is also very body hugging. I looked at myself in the full length mirror and apart from my waist being a bit thicker than I'd like, I was quite happy with how I looked. (Luckily my frame and general body shape means I can carry some extra kilos and still look good.) My BFF even commented at one stage "have you lost weight? You look like you've lost weight." LOL LOL LOL.

But this morning at Bikram yoga I noticed that my middle definitely has the miggle-aged-spread happening and I decided that its gotta go. I've bought the most gorgeous figure hugging dress for Christmas Day and bugger me if I'm going to look like an overstuffed sausage in it. So over the next 5 weeks I'm planning to be a little more mindful with my food, my portions and my treats. I know I dont need to follow any wierd-arse strict diet, just be a little more careful with food and consistent with training.

I'm not even getting all hung up with the scale number. Its more about how I look and feel rather than shooting for a magical number. I know I can do this and remain sane throughout the process. I'm not into before and after pics but I promise to show off my dress in photos taken on Christmas Day.

So on that note I need an early night in readiness for a leg/abs  training session tomorrow morning. Bring it on, i say.

:-) M

UNDERSTANDING IT ALL

Phew did I ride the rollercoaster yesterday??!! From feeling quite good during the day to then feeling like crap again after my shopping expedition in Country Road (FB friends will know what thats about).  But I guess we've all had that happen - walk into a store, try on clothes in our size and 1 above and have nothing fit. Of course in my current fragile (and sometimes irrational) state I'm going to walk out feeling fat and depressed.

Having said that I'm over it today and feeling ok again.

Katie and Liz left comments on my last post (thanks guys) and I considered both opinions (+ a private message) and worked my way to a level of understanding of what I need to do to truly move forward. I need to finish what I started a couple of years ago.

Hanging out for a busy but good weekend now.

Cheers all

Magda

THE POST AFTER THE POST WITH NO NAME

Well I'm not quite sure whats going on but over the last few weeks I've been all over the place with my moods and wellbeing. From feeling awesomely invincible to feeling down-in-the-dumps crappy, I've been through the whole range. I'm exhausted from it all LOL.

Anyway I feel ok today so I've allowed myself to log into Blogger and write something meaningful, or meaningless or perhaps something pitched in between. Lets see what I'm capable of.

Blogger is not publishing comments for me and I like to acknowledge all comments on my posts so thanks to Sandra for sending some love my way :-)  Maybe that love helped me out of my hole.

Now that I'm a rational and intelligent human being again, I've reflected on what works for me, what doesnt and what I need to tick along in my usually happy way. Last Friday I was having a celebratory champagne with a friend I hadnt seen for a while and I was telling her about my work as Director and how I managed my study and exams at that time. Without realising it, I was spelling out my structured and regimented approach to work, study, exercise, nutrition and my subsequent wellbeing. In response she had a good laugh and said it sounded like I was parenting myself, setting boundaries and making sure I stuck to them. I had to laugh also, purely at the very truth of her observation LOL. Without doubt, the reason I survived that stressful time AND achieved a distinction mark for my exam AND achieved some major milestones at work, all with my health and sanity intact was because I paid a LOT of attention to practicing good habits.

As boring as it sounds and some may lament as to "where's the fun?" or "where's the spontaniety or excitement in that?" I would reply that when there is so much on your (my) plate structure, routine and dare I say it .... rules ... do help you (me) to get a lot done without compromising your/my wellbeing. Just saying, it seemed to work for me.

Fast forward to the last few weeks and I've been all over the place: numbing out on FB, allowing defeatist thoughts to occupy my attitude to work, eating mindlessly, exercising without consistency or effort and just slipping into a whole negative space. Duh!!! I know I know better but sometimes I forget that it takes work to be in a good positive space.

So now I'll take my psychoanalyst's hat off and divert my energy to the next important thing on my 'To Do' list today. Oh and I'm not sure if this constitues a meaningful, meaningless or somewhere in between post. I'd say "you be the judge" and I'll reserve my opinion.

:-)

M

THE POST WITH NO NAME

I've just typed an epic post detailing all my woes, read it, hit delete and decided to go suck it up and come back when I'm feeling better. Who wants to read that sh*t? (I dont).

Life wont always be great. Sometimes I'll feel like crap. Sometimes I'll handle it ok and sometimes I wont. Accept it and move on. Things could be a LOT worse, Princess.

So on that note I shall sign off Blogger and come back when I can write rationally with some intelligence. I know I have it in me but right now it cant find its way out.

M

AWESOMENESS AND PROGRESS

Tuesday night's Bikram experience is well and truly behind me now and I'm pretty pleased to say that my awesomeness has well and truly returned. Work is full -on and next week will continue to be chaotic. We have a busy weekend ahead and me-time will be limited and precious. But despite this I am feeling great and I know it will continue this way.

After Bikram I had a moderate - well almost non-existent - training day on Wednesday. I walked 34 minutes to meet a couple of friends for breakfast before work. I deserved a rest. Yesterday I fought the "Oh I dont feel like it Monster" and did my usual leg training session: 3 x 12 squats; 3 x 12 static lunges; 3 x 12 straight leg dead lifts and 3 x 12 wide legged squats. I started this routine back in April or May when I was still running and having all sorts of leg pains and problems. I started with the piddliest weights you could imagine (a 10kg bar for the squats and deads and my bright green 2kg bumbbells for the lunges - it was laughable and embarrassing). But my goal was to focus on technique, not heavy weights and to increase my weights slightly each week. For a few weeks now I've been squatting 32.5kgs, deadlifting 30kgs and lunging with 10-11kg dumbbells. I'm not ready to go heavier as I'm noticing my technique is suffering but by gosh I get DOMS every time I do this training (which is weekly - come hell or high water).

Today's training was a 50 minute walk to "complement" the home-made pizza we had for dinner at mum and dad's last night. Mum will be seeing a dietician soon and I've asked to attend that appointment with her. I want to understand her condition and what she needs to do to manage it. And yes I admit, I hope to get a bit out of it for myself as well.

But now its time to say good night. Beauty sleep (and lots of it) are in order. Til next time folks.

XX M

THE NIGHT BIKRAM BEAT ME

On Tuesday night I went to Bikram yoga as I’m trying to get into a routine of 1-2 practices a week. It was a warm day and in fact it was a bit hot in the afternoon. It was nice to go in my yoga gear with just a T-shirt to cover up before and after the class.

I like to arrive early, set up and lie in savasna for a few minutes to allow the day’s cares to melt away and prepare myself mentally for the class. Then I sit up, check out the room and patiently wait for the class to start.

So I got to that point and started to feel uncomfortable. I was sweating a fair bit but didn’t have any idea of the room temperature. We started the class with the deep breathing exercise and almost immediately my heart rate went quite high (VERY unusual – as I’m still reasonably aerobically fit and this has never happened before). It wasn’t long before I was feeling moderately dizzy and slightly disorientated. I did my best on the standing poses but got to the triangle pose and decided to sit it out as its one of the “aerobic poses” and God knows I was already working aerobically and not handling it well.

From there on I paced myself through the standing poses sometimes just doing them once instead of twice. The standing head to knee compression pose was dreadful as I then found breathing difficult as well – adding further to my “unhappiness.” I thought I’d be fine once we started the floor poses but this was not the case. Even lying in savasna was hard and no matter how much I focussed on relaxing to slow my breathing, it just wasn’t happening.

I’ve heard the instructors say many times “if you feel dizzy or not good lie down but try to stay in the room” so I made this my goal. But honestly every minute felt like it was 10 minutes long and I felt awful. Staying to the end was a true test of my willpower and endurance. At the final savasna I ALWAYS lie quietly for several minutes enjoying the calm and the sense of achievement that I feel at the end of a class but this time I was up almost straight away, teetering out of the room, escaping the torture chamber (as its affectionately known.) It took a long time before I felt anywhere near normal.

A lady had a chat with me after the class explaining that I just needed to acclimatise to the room in warmer weather and this would take about a week after which I’d be back to coping and loving my Bikram as I did before. I know she’s right but next time it’s a warm – hot day, I wont be going in too early and I’ll take a frozen sports drink with me in case this happens again. I have no intention to quit but this session did shake me up a bit.

 M

CUTTING THE CRAPPY CARBS

Well here I am after picking mysef up and dusting myself off. Sorry to go on about this but even over the last couple of days its been a real struggle for me. I have felt emotional and sad (teary even). The feelings of calmness and balance were very slow to come back. I battled with some non-related stuff yesterday and was quiet and withdrawn not sure how to handle it. I just wanted to be home alone and not have to be out socialising but it wasnt to be. I ended the day with a good cry after Peter had gone to bed.

The Universe works in strange ways and has delivered to me a helping hand at the expense of another. It is truly wierd yet its seems to speak to me about moving forward from here on.

On Saturday my mum was pretty down about some not-so-good health news she had just received. I listened to her news, offered some tips and advice before deciding it was better that her GP do that (LOL) and then continued to rush through the weekend as I usually do without the significance of her news sinking in. 

So this morning in the peace and calm of my walk, shower and getting ready I was struck by the significance of her news. Her latest round of medical tests showed she has high blood sugar. Of course she'll be back to see her GP this week but it sounds like she has pre-diabetes (I'm sure she's not diabetic.) I'm so proud of her saying that she will, if allowed refuse medication and try to rectify or control this through diet. I just hope she sticks with it and doesnt succumb to the drugs if diet modification gets too hard.

Its only been a short time but I've thought long and hard about this and her (yes I'm struggling to focus on work today!!). She is not overweight (just not in good shape due to lack of exercise and a subsequent lack of muscle tone.) I dont want to judge her diet because at 75 years of age your priorities and motivation are different to when you're in your 40s, 50s or earlier. And if she is pre-diabetic then she will be the first on my side of the family.

So how does this translate into a helping hand for me? Well it really hit home just how potentially destructive my binging habits could be for health reasons (not to mention the emotional aspect). Whilst at this age I'm still very healthy and can maintain a healthy weight through exercise and mindful, balanced eating - there is no doubt that every binging episode makes a serious withdrawal from my bank account of good choices. What I dont want is to get 5, 10, or 15 years down the track and face the same fate because I regularly went on some massive cake-and-other-crappy-carbs eating benders.

So I have made a decision to cut the crappy carbs and be more minful around having sweet treats. And the next time I am on the verge of a carb laden binge attack I'll ask myself if the prospect of pre-diabetes is one that I'm prepared to entertain down the track.

Food for thought.

M

PART B - A LETTER TO MYSELF

Dearest Magda,

I know you've had a particularly tough week not just with work pressure but also slipping back into old habits that you thought you'd left behind. I know you feel like this has been an epic fail on your behalf and deep down your disappointment is brewing

Magda don't be hard on yourself. Everybody has bad times, hard times, setbacks. The key is not letting it beat you but picking yourself up, dusting yourself off and getting on with all the good you know and instinctively do. Now more than ever, be kind to yourself, remind yourself how far you came and how you did it mainly on your own. Look in the mirror with love and admiration for both your physical and spiritual self. You know this is far more powerful and positive than other options.

DO NOT fall back into the old diet mentality thinking it is the answer. It's not and you know you've done really well without it. You'll do really well again. You know what has worked for you, take it and build on it so it keeps working for you.

When the negative voices try to take control, check in with yourself, your values, your beliefs and pick up where you left off. You are kind, caring, hard working and giving. Embrace your wonderfullness, leave your doubts behind and go and nail this beast once and for all.

Your best friend.

MY RESPONSE AND THANKS

Oh boy!!! Sorry this might be epic so I'll understand if you tune out or hit the "skip" button.

Firstly: apologies for throwing my issue out there and then not blogging. I have spent the last two days analysing project budgets, depreciation, cash flows, CPIs, asset values in all forms and anything else that has a dollar value relevant to my work. I have crunched numbers to the nth degree, compiled mammoth spreadsheets, played around with budget logic and spent two late nights achieving all this. It has been huge and hence my absence from here. Case closed (for now).

Guys I am overwhelmed by the responses I've had to my blog post - both public and private. I thank each and every one of you for taking the time to share your thoughts, experiences and encouragement with and for me. I confess to a few moments of "I should have just shut up and worked this out for myself" but to me that also inadvertently says "I'll just put on a false front and pretend everything is ok" - which translates into a lie. So my take is "whats the point of lying or giving false pretence?" I'd rather tell it warts and all.

My thanks goes out to:

Kristy rarely blog these days but we keep in touch via email. When she sees that I'm struggling or going through a rough patch she'll email me to offer her support, encouragement and advice. We often have a very honest exchange about this stuff and I'm grateful for the fact that she's there for me to talk to.

Liz sees things from a scientific and facts based perspective and I can relate to that. The analogy of the paper crease made me think that was exactly how I felt right  now. I was returning to my old habits that were so ingrained but right now I'm not sure that vigilance or avoiding trigger foods is my solution. However I think there is a lot of truth is Liz's statement that reversing the behaviours takes a long time. A few months ago I thought I had (reversed the behaviours) but I no longer feel that way.

Frankie and I are vastly different on this front but thats not to say that what she does works for her. Hey, there are girls out there who live for and relish the body building lifestyle (SO not me any more). What is very obvious is that different things motivate different people.  Different things work for different people. Person A (Frankie) might be completely happy doing X (ketogenic diet) whereas Person B (me) might feel like she's dying on it. I still appreciate the comment as it gives me comfort knowing that I can / must choose what is right for ME.

Sandra and I share the "eat too much" gene :-) As wierd as this sounds .... when I have a binge, O.M.G. I LOVE the food. Sometimes I think I binge just to enjoy the sweet and fatty tastes. But I know I can do really well without the structure and rules and without avoiding trigger foods .... it just doesnt seem to be the case now.

Thank you Shelley for sharing your perspective and putting it in a way that is relevant to me :-) I have thought a lot about your comment and coupled with my current readings (I'm up to page 86) it gives me hope that I too will get there one day (I just wish it was NOW).

BTW I know for me its not about the food and my work with  Maddie (my Sports Psyche) confirmed this. I remember her repeating over and over "binging is not about the food, its about the thought process that goes with it".

Miss Tank (Fern) you have me going straight to google kinesiology. Yes I would like to know more about it (I might PM you on FB). I thought my sessions with the SP had "cured me" but this is not the case now.

Pip much of what you say resonates with me and has worked well for me (core values, limited rules, freedom to make choices). You say "I felt smug as well earlier this year again. I didn't binge or even feel the urge to for months earlier this year and didn't feel like I was 'dieting', just mindful."
Yep that was me to a T. Perhaps the lesson is "lifetime commitment and accept that it can be done but it takes constant vigilance, awareness and moderate restraint."

I have a bit more to write but will save it for part 2 as its now quite late and my mind is not as clear nor sharp. And anyway, after another sleep or two, who knows what brilliance I'll come up with.

Thanks for reading and being there to help me.

:-) M

DROWNING IN WORK

Hi all,

I promise to be back very soon but right now I'm drowning in work and anything I write will be thrown together in 2 minutes. Your comments and advice - all much appreciated - deserve more.

Thanks guys and I look forward to some blogging time in a day or so.

M

ME UNCUT

Tonight I feel a bit ..... (hmm insert mouth and nose pulled tight to the side) ..... bewildered. Or maybe .... (I've stared at the screen for 10 minutes and I cant even put it into words).

I'm trying to understand the delicate, intriguing, unpredicatbale workings of my mind. Sometimes I know me and sometimes I just baffle myself. Right now ,as for a couple of months I'm baffled.

In June this year I took a big leap of faith and changed my mindset about dieting, eating, losing weight, body image etc. It all happened relatively easily once I made the decision to look at things differently. The first few weeks were extremely stressful with EOFY on top of us, work being stupidly busy and me certainly feeling the pressure. But my faith in myself and my new outlook got me though it all relatively unscathed. I stuck to my new beliefs and outlook and soldiered through the tough times. Life was genuinely good deep inside and I was starting to feel genuinely happy - deep inside.

I'm not sure when I had my first relapse back to binging but it unsettled me a little. However I had a good think about it, worked out the cause and easily corrected it. I soldiered on and continued to be happy as this was but a mere blip.

Then it happened again and ..... again ..... and again.

I found comfort in the writings of others especially Miss Katie (Head*Heart*Health) and some very meaningful motivational quotes and books such as French Women etc. Every time I forgave myself and moved on in a positive direction with a positive mindset, clinging on to my internal happiness.

But tonight its come to a bit of a head and I sit here thinking why. Why am I slipping back to my old habits with some frequency now? Am I still so far removed from getting my head right even though I'm telling myself I have.

Look I have no demons from my past. There are no deep rooted problems that I need to get out and come to terms with. But how and why is my percpetion of normal vs emotional eating so far from where I want it to be. It feels like I glide along the path of emotional eating freedom and genuine internal happiness until I hit a pot hole and come down in a tumbling heap with some frequency. I want to get to that place where I can see the pot hole coming so I veer around it or I sprint over it or I ease myself ever so gently in then out of it. You get my drift???

I wasnt even sure of posting this tonight but my blog header does say that I blog the good the bad and everything in between so thats me uncut. I really welcome any comments, insights or observations that you, my readers, may have. I'm looking to find a better understanding of this and a solution to get me to where I want to be. I'm all ears.

M

A TYPICAL SATURDAY

Well today was pretty much a typical Saturday except that Peter took a day off from working around the house and came to watch our boy skate. However it turned out to be the worst time to come and watch because of new skates that were tight and uncomfortable to start with so there was a lot of standing around and wasting time. He got there in the end but not til there had been lots of frustration on our behalf.

I had to modify today's training due to rain this morning. I rarely ride the exercise bike these days but today I dragged it out and hopped on while reading Shelley's 2nd book To Fat and Back. I tell you, that 40 minutes went so quickly and I enjoyed every bit of the book even though I'm only a little way into it. I could relate to much of it and my heart went out to her on so many levels as I read about her struggles last year.

Due to a minor case of domestic mismanagement, I ended up having to treat Peter out to lunch today LOL. We rarely go out to lunch together on a Saturday so it was quite a little treat. We kept it fairly simple though at one of our local cafes .. and saved ourselves for beer o'clock and home made seafood laksa for dinner :-) Tomorrow Bikram yoga is on my schedule and I cant tell you how much I'm looking forward to that :-)

So not much else to waffle on about tonight. Just looking forward to a good day tomorrow, Bikram, including walking there and back, a trip to a wildlife park in the afternoon, probabaly out for coffee as well and then lamb koftas with hummos and tabbouleh for dinner. Yummo!!

Off to bed to read the paper now :-)

BIG STUFF .... DECIDED

One thing is guaranteed in our household ... Friday night beer o'clock brings out the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. After a glass (or two) of wine I'm telling it like it is and there is no holding back. It is honestly the BEST time to thrash something out and make important decisions from the heart.

So my decision is made after lots of discusion, debate and deliberation.

In 2012 I will be an Adelaide Univeristy student studying for my Graduate Certificate in Business Administration. At least one other colleague from my current course will also be doing her Grad Cert and there may well be one more. The rest of the group seem pretty uninterested.

Now, I'll still work full time as this study is 36 hours contact time over 12 weeks  plus my reading, assignments and exam prep time. I only have to complete and pass 2 modules to achieve my qualification. I will be a busy busy little beaver but Peter is totally supportive (I knew I married that man for a good reason) and I know that if I'm well organised, balanced and dedicated I will succeed. I'm genuinely excited about the prospect of continuing my studies so I know its the right decision.

At this stage I'm only biting off a small chunk at a time so its Grad Cert by August 2012 and then I'll reassess if I want to continue.

Geez life will change and I'll need to be super organised and disciplined to achieve this but I've managed well this year and am fully prepared to ramp it up next year. Its an exciting time.

:-) M

BIG STUFF

Tonight's post is a bit of a brain and heart dump about big stuff that I'm facing in the coming months.

You all know (if you're regular readers) that I'm doing a management training course this year. There are 6 modules each of 2 days duration each followed by an assignment for assessment, one exam and then a work based project. However at the end of it I get a certificate that says I did the course (and passed it). It is NOT a formal qualification.

I now have the choice to continue my studies or take what I've got and run. I can jump into the full MBA (Master of Business Administration) course or chip away at it via a Grad Certificate in Business Admin and Grad Diploma in same. The next step would be the MBA.

Here's what's attractive:

1. I need to do 2 subjects of 12 weeks each (and pass them of course) to achieve the Grad Cert and receive a "parchment".
2. By August 2012 I can have this finished.
3. I have enjoyed the learning process - the intellectual stimulation has been great and I have already benefitted from the year's study (feeling more confident about my ability to do my job and also to work at a higher level.)

Here are the not so attractive bits:

1. Contact time of 36 hours / module and personal time commitment of between double and triple that (6-9 hours / week).
2. The cost (tertiary study is not cheap and I'm not sure if / how much my employer would cover).
3. Lifestyle change to accommodate the time commitment (less "me-time", less family time, less time to devote to work which I need to keep on top of things.)

But facts aside the fundamental issues I'm grappling with which are at the heart of all this are:

1. I dont have a tertiary qualification of any sort and have made it to where I am through hard work, experience and being in the right place at the right time and then performing well and delivering. I would LOVE to have a tertiary qualification.

2. If I invest in this study ($$$ and time) then I will expect a return on my investment (in the form of a higher position). So, is that what I REALLY want? Do I want an executive level position and all that goes with it? Obviously the extra money would be great but with it comes extra pressure and stress (there's no such thing as a free lunch!!).

That is my dilemma to ponder and decide by early December as applications for the course(s) are due then. Oh and I'll have it on the agenda for discussion at beer o'clock this Friday night.

:-)

M

HANDING BACK CONTROL OF THE SHIP

Today the divine Miss H (my Director) returned from her OS sojourn and I handed back the Director's job. PHEW!!!

It was an interesting experience. I learnt heaps including just how much I DONT know. But I gave it my best shot and certainly put a good effort in so I can sleep at night knowing this.

The ironical bit is that although the ultimate responsibility for our unit's issues no longer lies with me, there is still a massive workload that I'm responsible for and this will continue for quite some weeks. C'est la vie. Hard work never scared me... even if I get on here and have my whinges or mini meltdowns LOL.

Still contemplating a day's leave for some personal indulgence but my original plan for 11 November is no longer possible due to a major project running late and that date being a critical milestone.

Having said all that, I've clocked 2 weights sessions this week - legs and abs yesterday and back / shoulders / tris today. I have a little bit of DOMS in my glutes which is good as I'm now working with weights that "make a difference." Eating has been good and my daily indulgence is usually a wine with dinner - consumed with no regret or guilt as my food is pretty healthy.

Anyways I have a little work to catch up on tonight so I say farewell until next time.

:-) M

FRENCH WOMEN DONT GET FAT

I bought this book a while ago and recently finished it having only ever read a few pages at a time before going to sleep. It wasnt the sort of book that totally absorbed you, the sort that once you start, you just cant stop. But I enjoyed it and thought I'd review it in case anybody was wondering what it was about.

Firstly let me say that it had some really good sensible messages in it. It would appeal to the more mainstream reader rather than those who aspire to be athletes in any form. Eg: if you take your training pretty seriously and like to live by some / many diet rules then its not going to be your cup of tea. Each to their own, me thinks.

The author (Mireille Guiliano lives in America and happens to be the CEO of Champagne Veuve Cliquot) writes of her life as an exchange student when she gained a lot of weight due to poor eating habits. Upon returning home to France, her mother put her onto the family GP (aptly named Dr Miracle) who gently guided her on a journey of gradual and sustainable weight loss. She details the proceess she went through to:

1. become aware of her eating habits
2. undertake a "re-casting' (like a mini detox - one weekend only) 
3. then progress through the first three months making some gradual changes to her eating
4. learn some smart tips to minmise the (potentially negative) effects of the changes in order to maintain a healthy relationship with food and to continue to enjoy the pleasure it gives.
5. learn how to maintain a healthy weight long term WITHOUT dieting but being smart and mindful when it comes to food.

She writes with such passion about the foods that the French enjoy and I was cheering and agreeing with her love of bread, wine, champagne and other traditionally forbidden foods that many people go out of their way to avoid. (Chocolate too but of that I'm not a fan). A strong message is "choose quality over quantity" and this also resonates well with me.

Some people might be thinking "yeah its just another diet book subtley marketed to not appear so" but I found it to be more a message of "you can have anything as long as you balance it all out" or simply put "the MODERATION message" worded in some fancy ways. There are lots of recipes too but I havent tested any.

Chapter 10 "Moving Like a French Woman" takes a VERY mainstream approach to exercise and had me giggling at her perception of "small free weights (one and a half to three kilos) used in simple, familiar exercises are a good way to preserve upper-body tone and bone density and supplement the cardiovascular benefits of an active lifestyle." But on the other hand she does advocate an active lifestyle with messages such as "walk everywhere", "take the stairs whenever you can" and she writes quite extensively about the importance of breathing. Again there's some basically good advice there for our typically lazy Aussie culture.

To finish she gives quite a long list of tips and tricks that she and French women use to enjoy a wide variety of foods while staying slim. Most had me nodding my head (French women love bread and would never consider a life without carbs), some had me laughing (French women will dress to take out the garbage - you never know) and the one I really needed to hear (French women do stray, but they always come back, believing there are only detours and no dead ends.)

It was a good book for me as it aligned with my philosophy on food and eating and how I aspire to live my life (except for the light weights for upper body toning LOL). The last tip that hits home for me is this:

French women choose their own indulgences and compensations. They understand that little things count, both additions and subtractions, and that as an adult everyone is the keeper of her own equilibrium."

Hail French women and hail to living lean and healthy while never feeling deprived.

:-) M

SUNDAY OUT

Hey there, what are you playing?

Oh look, Mummy's taking photos.

Well we better give her our best photo pose. How's this?

Today we went to a restaurant called "fish". But our fish faces look more like cat's bums. (Need to practice fish faces some more.)

Well Bikram yoga didnt happen today as the studio had a seminar and limited classes early and late in the day, neither time suiting me. So I ended up going for a walk which was actually more about pleasure than an exercise session. The problem was that by the time I got to walk, I'd been up for hours, had nothing to eat (its recommended that you dont eat for 2 - 3 hours before Bikram) and was REALLY hungry. So I set off on a walk, went to my fave cafe and ordered a cappuccino and a serve of raisin toast and finished reading French Women Dont Get Fat (review coming soon). After that I set off on a walk, tummy happy, me happy and soaking up my beautiful suburb and all it has to offer.



We headed out for a family day at Glenelg and had lunch at "Fish". Peter and I shared a seafood platter (VERY NICE!!) and a bottle of wine and then mosied around until it was time to head to the airport.

Not much else to say tonight. I've been debating whether to fire up the work email and get stuck into some work but have decided to not break my own rule of no work on weekends. Instaed I'm going to have an early night and catch up reading the weekend papers. There is always tomorrow for working.

Cheers all

M

CRAZINESS AND CHAOS

Today really enforced just how tough last week was. I can normally switch off and relax fairly easily but for a number of reasons, today was just madly hectic and my fuse was short and the feelings of craziness and chaos were with me for most of the day. And these are feelings that dont sit well with me. I can handle them for limited periods and with a big effort I can control them but this week they beat me and even today they were trying hard to take over. Fortunately I had wised up and was better prepared for them and all was good with eating today. I even managed a short walk this morning after doing sweet FA since last Monday.

It wasnt until Peter and I sat down to beer o'clock just after 5pm that I felt like I could relax - until I got up to cook the 5 course dinner I had planned LOL - seriously!! At beer o'clock we normally chat about our training plans for the following day to make sure we are in synche and we each get done what we plan for that day. Well I was a bit wishy washy about what I wanted to do tomorrow and it was Peter who piped up and encouraged me to go to Bikram yoga - virtually insisting that I go. Now this is a bit ironic because lately he's made it known very subtley that he finds it annoying when I go to yoga - just little quips about how much time it takes up, how I could get so much more done at home if I didnt go .... yada yada yada. BUT he knows that it is relaxing and stress relieving and hence I'm now being pushed to go. Mind you - no complaints here - so off I'll go.

After that we have a family day out at Glenelg before Peter flies to Hobart for a Monday meeting. Hopefully the combination of yoga, lunch out and some fun at Glenelg is just what the doctor ordered. I may even have some more crazy pics to share :-)

M

NO HOLDING BACK

Hiya all (assuming there is more than 1 reader of my blog tonight),

Well here I am at the end of week 3 of my Acting Director stint and I have decided to bite the bullet and give you the truth, the whole truth and .... well you know the rest.

OK, so this week SUCKED .... BIG TIME :-(

After 2 pretty good weeks and a nice cruising along feeling, I got to Monday morning, evaluated where I was at with the things I wanted to achieve, realised how little I had achieved and proceeded to melt down and have a massive internal panic attack - whilst remaining cool, calm and collected on the outside (because isnt that what all good managers / directors do??!!).

Now this led to one (or all) of the following feelings:

a) I cant be arsed
b) This isnt really happening
c) Its all too hard
d) All of the above

and I ended up having a very crappy eating week coupled with late nights and no training in the mornings. Slowly the wheels started to fall off and by yesterday all four (wheels) had gone astray. What a turnaround from last week's effort??!!

But in all seriousness I was not prepared for this week being a 'culmination' where I really wanted to nail some key things and it didnt look like I would. I was planning to use my last yoga pass on Tuesday but changed my mind late in the day so I could work in the evening. That threw our dinner plans totally our of order and it was all downhill from there. Things were pretty tense in our household thats for sure.

I now realise that I cant possibly give my all to a demanding job and expect to run my household efficiently and give my personal wellbeing the priority and attention it deserves. I just cant spread myself that thin and far. Given the chance to do this again, I would plan it very differently.

But whats been is gone and I'm not beating myself up, wallowing in self pity or planning some wierd arsed rescue mission. I just know that I need to put this behind me and get back to doing what I know is right and what works for me.

Already today has been good and I know tomorrow will be even better. I keep telling myself that I am still on the journey. There are good times and there are still some bad times. I'm not where I want to be just yet but I'm damn closer than I was 6 months ago and as long as I keep taking one step forward and then another and another, I'll get to the place where I want to be.

So to finish off I thought I'd post this from Shar's blog (sorry too late and too tired to link to her - go check out Mum on a Mission). Here's a little bit about me:

Favourite workout - Bikram yoga (but I need to commit to another 10 sessions pass)
Favourite food - oh where do I start?  Mum's roast chicken; Mum's vanilla slice; a GOOD spagetti marinara ... there are too many to list
Favourite clothing - long brown high heeled boots, black tights, short black knit skirt, body fitting black jumper with gold /; brown toned jewellery. I LOVE dressing up and feel so sexy in this outfit.
Favourite day -  Saturday - the day I take some "me-time" as well as doing the usual mum-duties.
Favourite month - March. Although summer is my favourite season, there is something really magical about the beauty of autumn. Plus its our anniversary month as well :-)
Favourite place - Our outdoor area - with a glass of wine
Favourite colour - Red / purple (depending on my mood)

So what are your favourites? Please share.

XX M

SUNDAY SHENANIGANS

What do you do while you wait for the movie to start? ..... Be silly of course.

And some more.

And its not just 3D but Aroma Scope as well. BTW ... the cards didnt work. I scratched like mad, nothing happened and I certainly didnt smell what I was meant to smell.

So this is what I get up to on a Sunday afternoon ... pulling stupid faces and taking pictures of myself and my boy. LOL I'm making the most of this as in a few years time, he wont want to be seen in public with me ... such is life.

Its been an awesome weekend. On Saturday morning it was back to skating classes and I was, yet again, bursting wioth pride watching my boy learn to skate backwards now and get better at his cross-overs. He has come such a long way from the awkward, timid boy who took his first lesson 11 or 12 weeks ago. And to really ice my cake, he is now considering going on to figure skating instead of ice hockey which he realises is a contact sport of which he's not too fond, as a rule. I cant tell you how much I adore figure skating. I could watch it for hours and hours and often lose myself watching the figure skaters practice in the public sessions.

After skating lesson and a practice skate, I met a dear friend for lunch and we wiled away the afternoon drinking champagne, then going for a coffee before coming back to my place for a little while. I had such a great time and it all ended so late that dinner never got cooked and we ended up with a healthy lean seafood pizza instead. Luckily Peter got his act together and made dinner for our boy while my friend and I kept chatting.

I couldnt make it to hot yoga today because of Peter's schedule but I got out for a 40 minute walk instead and was good with that. Then it was off to the movies, out for ice cream (for my boy) / coffee and cake (for me) and then home for a bit of play. And I sit here tonight wondering how it all could have gone so fast and before I know it the working week will start again.

This will be my last week (+1 day) acting so I want to tick a couple of biggies off my list and thereby charge that ship forward with strength and confidence. Bring it on, I say.

:-) M