Well I'm not quite sure whats going on but over the last few weeks I've been all over the place with my moods and wellbeing. From feeling awesomely invincible to feeling down-in-the-dumps crappy, I've been through the whole range. I'm exhausted from it all LOL.
Anyway I feel ok today so I've allowed myself to log into Blogger and write something meaningful, or meaningless or perhaps something pitched in between. Lets see what I'm capable of.
Blogger is not publishing comments for me and I like to acknowledge all comments on my posts so thanks to Sandra for sending some love my way :-) Maybe that love helped me out of my hole.
Now that I'm a rational and intelligent human being again, I've reflected on what works for me, what doesnt and what I need to tick along in my usually happy way. Last Friday I was having a celebratory champagne with a friend I hadnt seen for a while and I was telling her about my work as Director and how I managed my study and exams at that time. Without realising it, I was spelling out my structured and regimented approach to work, study, exercise, nutrition and my subsequent wellbeing. In response she had a good laugh and said it sounded like I was parenting myself, setting boundaries and making sure I stuck to them. I had to laugh also, purely at the very truth of her observation LOL. Without doubt, the reason I survived that stressful time AND achieved a distinction mark for my exam AND achieved some major milestones at work, all with my health and sanity intact was because I paid a LOT of attention to practicing good habits.
As boring as it sounds and some may lament as to "where's the fun?" or "where's the spontaniety or excitement in that?" I would reply that when there is so much on your (my) plate structure, routine and dare I say it .... rules ... do help you (me) to get a lot done without compromising your/my wellbeing. Just saying, it seemed to work for me.
Fast forward to the last few weeks and I've been all over the place: numbing out on FB, allowing defeatist thoughts to occupy my attitude to work, eating mindlessly, exercising without consistency or effort and just slipping into a whole negative space. Duh!!! I know I know better but sometimes I forget that it takes work to be in a good positive space.
So now I'll take my psychoanalyst's hat off and divert my energy to the next important thing on my 'To Do' list today. Oh and I'm not sure if this constitues a meaningful, meaningless or somewhere in between post. I'd say "you be the judge" and I'll reserve my opinion.
:-)
M
Just an outside view that might be worth contemplating ...
ReplyDeleteCould it be that the weeks of so much will-power have left you drained and unable to muster up any more? A kind of variation of the deprive/rebel cycle??
If having all the rules only works for a short time and then leaves you collapsed in a heap then maybe they're not working after all?
Just putting it out there ... as always, you're the only one who can figure it out.
Hi Magda,
ReplyDeleteYour post reminded me of the Myer Briggs type indicator and I would bet that you have an innate preference for being organized and working by your own set of "rules"/values.
You know if you get out of balance and become disorganized, then it wreaks havoc with your psyche.
My innate preference is to live by my own rules and boundaries. Contrary to popular belief good boundary setting gives you freedom, rather than restriction.
But that's just me.
Magda, it sounds to me like you've worked yourself out yet again...I also need some boundaries to function well.
ReplyDelete...and you've proven this does work for you because when you tried to do differently, you found yourself in that negative space you described...
Liz - I love Myer Briggs, did a one-day workshop once and learnt so much about myself.
xo
Hi Sandra, Yes I have thanks to some serious reflection and looking inwards. I did the MB last night but wonder if my result would be different if I do it in a better frame of mind. Just wondering????
ReplyDelete