PEELING AWAY THE ONION LAYERS

I have a good feeling about December.

November ended on a totally crappy note. I was back on struggle street, my eating out of control for a few days, my thoughts just a mess, work issues sucking the life out of me. I was on a real downer.

But I started December wanting to make a clean break, a new beginning. I just had to get a good day under my belt. Well as it turned out I managed a little "me-time" stopping for a coffee to kill some time on my way to a meeting (long story as to how I had time to kill). I got my journal out and the thoughts, revelations, aha moments just flowed. It seemed that after weeks and weeks of struggling with on again/off again binging, it finally came to me why it was happening, what was causing it and I can now plan a way forward.

I tell you, this journey is like an onion - layer upon layer that needs to be peeled away. Having conquered my issues with dieting, fixation on scale numbers and acceptance of my body at this weight, I thought I had nailed it. But of course it was never going to be THAT simple and I now have a new layer to work on. But I'm good with that - in fact more than being good with it - I'm relieved that I have identified just what I need to work on :-) Happy. Happy (in a wierd sort of way LOL)

Finally the study issue has been resolved. I shared my concerns with Peter over coffee this morning (our first chance for a short but proper talk) and HE was insisting that I do it. Long story short - you never know where the qualifications will take you and I was taking too narrow a view. Of course he's right (logical thinking vs emotional reaction) and I'm quietly relieved as deep down I would have been disappointed to pass up the opportunity. So its full steam ahead with my Grad Cert and then see where I want to go after that.

As you can tell, I'm back in my happy place :-)

M