Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Q IS FOR ....

.... quality.

Do you choose quality when you can? Do you make quality a priority? Is quality more important than quantity?

The concept of quality in all facets of life has got me thinking about my choices and how I've put them into practice, or in some cases NOT put them into place.

A year or so ago I made the decision to stock my wardrobe differently. In the past I had excelled in bargain shopping - hunting out cheaper clothes stores and then hunting further for sale items. I'd often look at the pieces I bought and regret their cheap and short-life look. I also didnt like how they looked on me and how they made me look. I decided to change that and buy less but of better quality. I still cant resist a sale and sometimes thats the only time I'll shop but I choose carefully now favouring more classic, well cut styles that wont date within 6 months, knowing that a longer life item is a true bargain.

Does anybody else love grocery shopping? I love having the time to check out produce, read labels, compare prices and stock up on the good stuff. Every now and then Peter will remind me of the 'B' word so I reign it in a little but then if I havent bought good quality cuts of meat and seafood he complains, so the 'B' word is forgotten and its all about quality again. The one area I havent delved into yet is the 'O' word. Would love to. Know its better for us and the environment but the cost is holding me back - we eat a LOT of fruit and veg so the jump in cost would be considerable.

I'm trying to reprogram my thinking about food and eating shifting to the less is more and quality over quantity schools of thought. If we (I especially) can get past the 'but my plate isnt full' fear and realise that a little of something delicious goes further than a dinner plate full of chicken breast and brocolli then life should be a happier journey - happier for my tatse buds anyway and probably for my waist line in the long run. How could that be? you ask. Becasue if you always eat big serves and lots of food then thats likely to include (fattier) treats and sweets. My theory then is that the converse is true.

Unfortunately I didnt have a quality workout today :-( I had an attack of the lazies and tried to go back to sleep when my alarm went off at 5. I did get up but, running a bit later than usual decided to do a walk/jog combo. Felt ok (albeit heavy) on the jog intervals and kept it to just over half an hour but noticed later that my right leg is really sore again with most of the pain focussed to just below the knee. Couple this with a dicky right achilles and an aching right ITB and from the waist down on my right side there's a definite lack of quality operations.

Ah, I guess you cant win em all.

:-) M

Monday, March 26, 2012


There is no denying that the journey from being podgy and feeling unfit to being in a truly balanced and happy place is a rocky and winding road. Since my turnaround from earlier this month when it was time to say "enough is enough, lets get moving again and lets eat mindfully with a focus on self-care", its been a bit of a topsy turvy ride. Lets just say that I havent nailed it in one but that I keep plugging away at it.

My downfall of late has been weekenditis. Eating when I'm not hungry, having a piece of cake with coffee when the coffee alone would be enough and then eating because "its time". Any gains achieved throughout the week are quickly undone and I start Monday feeling podgy and wondering what clothes are going to fit. To take this a step further, our cruise is about 12-13 weeks away and I dont want to be feeling or looking like this.

I've considered many different tools to help me achieve my goal - which incidentally is not  about dieting and weight loss - but more about finding my answer to happy eating and weight management. I went down a path just last week only to reach a dead end and decide the Universe was telling me that was not the answer. Then last night I was looking for something to read before going to sleep and I picked up a book I had read just last year. Jackpot!! It was just what I needed to be reminded of and it spoke to me like nothing else recently. I read a chapter last night and then managed another 3 or so at lunch time today recalling how I had related so well to its message before.

I'll be signing off shortly to devour a few more chapters and then starting tomorrow with a positive outlook about food and other pleasures.

Bon soir

:-) M


One of the things I wanted to blog about recently was my progress in my accounting module. After a very rocky first 6 weeks when there was many a time when I wanted to just chuck it all in, things calmed down a bit and I found a sense of normality about it all. Mind you, I still don’t like giving up my Sundays and some of my Saturdays to study but at least I’m not studying up late as well and skipping my daily exercise.

A couple of weeks ago, we had our mid trimester test. I did the prac test on the weekend before and got a pretty ordinary 57% for it. I wasn’t happy with that so when the lecturer offered a voluntary workshop to help people with the test format and questions, I jumped at the chance to attend. Well if that wasn’t the best investment of an hour of my time, then I don’t know what was. We were tutored specifically on both short answer questions (worth 15 out of the total 40 marks) and any other questions we had were also answered. I went into the test the next day feeling quietly confident that I’d beat my 57%.

When I read the test it was like a lottery win. Being open book I had my notes from the workshop and lo and behold there were the questions we had been tutored on just with different case scenarios. I wrote furiously and was happy with my answers. I then tackled the multiple choice questions and only one of them had me totally beat (damn those cash flow statements, they are SO bloody complicated to compile). I happily conceded that mark grrrrrr.

The results came out last week and I was blown away. I scored 36 out of 40 (90%) and came 2nd in the class – beaten by one person who scored 37.  It was such a good feeling to get this mark and it lifted my spirits towards the hard work I’ve been putting in. Mind you, accounting is such a rollercoaster of “that’s so simple and obvious, how can you NOT get it” to “aaaargh, information overload and nothing is computing.”  I guess if it was all the former then it’d be a case of ‘what are you doing in this course if you know it all already?’

Friday, March 23, 2012


Hilary has nominated me for a Liebster Blog Award (check the link to her blog!!) to which I say a big heartfelt THANK YOU. In the spirit of keeping the Liebster going my 5 nominations are:

Sandra is a 40 something self-employed professional/wife/mother/fitness enthusiast living her 'Journey to Fabulous'. I've never met her but we 'click' on so many levels and we just 'get each other'. I love her blog - an honest account of her ups and downs, triumphs and challenges and an insight into her family life. I look forward to her coming to Adelaide in a couple of months when we'll tee up a meeting and a nice long coffee chat.
Michelle has a REAL passion for fitness and is a devotee of Michelle Bridges' 12WBT challenge. This woman likes to work HARD and just looking at her, it shows!! However her blog is honest enough to share the downs as well as the ups which is the reality I like to read. Oh and lets not forget that she too is a wife/mother/working woman that juggles her training with her family commitments. Hats off to her!!
Pip is another like minded soul although our circumstances are different as she's single and carefree. However our birthdays are 2 days apart and we are both true Cancerians (as is Sandra!!). Whats stands out about Pip is her determination to keep working on her fitness. She's had her setbacks (human like the rest of us) but she picks herself up and tries again, applying some simple common sense to her approach and subsequently scoring some runs.
Charlotte has been blogging for a long time and I've followed her from her figure athlete days to now where she's more focussed on living a healthy and balanced life. Also, her's is the blog to visit for the most beautiful food pictures and a summary of what she eats (trivia that I love to indulge in).
Kristin writes about her fitness life, her study, her dreams, her work with IBO and lots of other interesting tidbits. She is one busy girl who manages to achieve so much through sheer hard work. Although absent from blogging at times when she's mega busy, its always interesting to read what she's been up to when she comes back.

So to all my nominees, please keep the award going (5 blogs with less than 200 followers; link to them and leave a message that you've nominated them.)
I have 2 other favourite blogs (Kek and Liz)  but I think their fan base of followers puts them in another league. Check them out as they are both excellent blogs.

And after all that exploration and linking, I'm worn out and will write more soon.

Cheers all


Tuesday, March 20, 2012


In the big ferris wheel of life, its certainly nice to be on the rise rather than the fall. Since making my decision on Sunday to blow off the next diet and replace it with mindful eating and a focus on taking the best care of myself, I've felt like a weight's been lifted just from that (sorry no pun intended).

Already I'm reaping some benefit through my clothes fitting better. At lunch on Saturday two weekends ago I wore my pink Zara skirt (refer to Christmas Eve pics posted in late December or early January). Only on that Saturday my skirt was tight and I looked and felt awful. My friend arrived in a tight fitting black dress that looked fantastic, making me feel even worse. I really struggled with my self esteem and body image that day. I just cant pretend that I feel good with extra weight. I have that pink skirt on today and whilst its still got a way to go before its falling off me (LOL), it is no longer embarrassingly tight :-) :-)

We're having a little spate of hot weather which will sadly end tomorrow. I took advantge of it this morning, doing an unscheduled walk/jog in the relative warmth. It was a nice start to the day and tomorrow I'll be dragging out the warmer autumn clothes - which I'm kinda looking forward to as well. I've said it before, but I DO love autumn and winter fashions especially. I've never come out and said this, but winter is the only time I'll wear a short(ish) skirt. I might go just above the knee in summer but in winter I'll be daring and go a smidge higher. Why? Because I can cover my legs in tights and not be self conscious about them. Wierd, isnt it??


Monday, March 19, 2012


There is no doubt that life is one big lesson or perhaps several lessons delivered at strategic times. Whether we actively embark on a journey of self improvement or drift towards a better life, the road we travel will rarely be a straight line paved with polished marble. Its more likley to be winding, bumpy and dirty just to challenge whether we have the fortitude to keep going.

If you've been following my blog for some time, you'll remember the shift in my thinking and actions that brought about great positive changes for me in June last year. Without a doubt, entering that headspace and looking at eating and exercising from a toatlly different perspective, was one of the most balanced and calm periods of my life in recent times. It didnt take long for me to feel great, look better and function optimally.

But life is never simple and rosy all the time and we dont always deal with challenges in the best way - as I've found many a time since then. I've found myself going WAY off track - falling back into the diet mentality, becoming a slave to the Metal Monster again and battling the old all/nothing thinking. Its dawned on me yet again that its gotten me nowhere.

Yesterday I indulged in an hour long walk as it was such a beautiful morning. Only the day before I was planning my next diet to shift the weight I gained recently. The thought of it was doing my head in and leaving me in a crappy place. So I thought back to the last time I was really happy with my eating and exercise and I came back to last year. The answer became obvious to me - I had it last year but I stopped believing it was the right way.

I believe firmly in different strokes for different folks. Some people are driven by goals but I achieve more if I subtly shift my thinking and actions towards the direction I want to go in. Some people love the structure and accountability of programs and 12 week challenges. I achieve far more when I take the pressure off myself and quietly commit to taking better care of myself. Some people work well with the Metal Monster and have a balanced view of its role in their weight management. I'm happier when it sits under my bathroom cabinet and I feel good because I've taken good care of myself, not beacuse the number is what I want to see.

I finished my walk yesterday in a totally different headspace, feeling positive about the future and not dreading the diet that would start today. I studied all day without getting shitty about it and I went to bed looking forward to the new week.

I have faith and I have a quiet confidence and belief in myself that this is right for me. And for all that I feel SO much better.


Friday, March 16, 2012

ITS TIME .....

.... to write about my recent experience with the D word ... depression.

I've decided to write this as much for myself as a record of what I learnt and what I need to be mindful of in future as a desire to share my life honestly and openly.

January got off to a cracking start and for a day I revelled in the delight of wearing my skinny jeans. They were tight but hey ... they were on .... WINNER.

Then it all went downhill. Hours of study on top of full-time work meant lots of extra sitting. Add to the equation a cumulation of higher intensity lower body work (jogging again + plyometric exercises) and my lower back/hip/glute/ITB injury flared up BIG TIME. For weeks the pain was relentless and no amount of chiro treatment, rest or self massage would relieve it. I rememebr vividly saying to my chiro "John, lets just fix this now." to which he replied "mate if I knew how, I'd have done it by now." Then he went on to explain that all the extra sitting wasnt helping my situation and that the more I could move the better things would be.

By this time I had virtually stopped all exercise as I was studying late at night and didnt have any motivation or inclination to get up at 5am to exercise. I was exhausted to the bone. I'd arrive at work, slump at my desk and pray that the day would be "light on." I remember a day that my boss came in to tell me of an urgent job that had to be done by lunchtime. It required going back over financial information, understanding its implications and restructuring it in a different format. Lots of precise analytical thinking and working to a deadline. When my boss gave me the rundown of this job I almost said to her "I cant do it. Its unfair to expect this at such short notice and in such a short time." But I bit my tongue, fought back my tears and did it.

By now all the excitement about studying towards my grad cert - and potentially my MBA - had worn off and I was looking into the possibility of withdrawing from the course. If only I hadnt paid my fees I reckon I'd  have pulled the plug in one of my totally down and deperate moments. I was hating what the study was doing to me and all of the negative effects it was having on my life. But deep down I didnt want to be a quitter. I didnt want to face my boss and the boss of our organisation to say "I quit." I knew that I had to keep going.

So my life had become a battle of the pain from my injury and the physical and mental exhaustion of studying late into the night. I wasnt exercising and I turned to comfort eating to provide those few moments of pleasure that I craved so badly. Oh and how I ate!!! It may not have been the answer to my problems but there was no other answer so in the meantime, it would do.

Slowly my life just spiralled down further and further. I was short-tempered and often in a snappy, bad mood. I was emotional and over-sensitive, crying over anything and everything. I had become another person, a person who wasnt that nice to live with and I didnt like living in that skin. Only in the last couple of weeks did it dawn on me that I had fallen into a depression and I was still heading downwards.

Luckily I saw what was happening and took action to turn things around. I asked my boss for last Friday off explaining that I needed a mental health day. If I was going to break out of this rut, I needed a break from my usual routine. I needed to tackle stuff like housework, shopping and picking my boy up from school all at a relaxed pace. I needed to exercise and I needed to start eating well again.

As I started my recovery I thought long and hard about what I'd been through and admitted that one of the most upsetting things to come out of this for me was the weight I had gained from all that comfort eating. I looked fat and I felt awful. Few of my clothes fitted and I didnt feel good in anything. This was not how I wanted to live my life - not physically, not in this state of mind, not with this headset. It finally really sunk in just how destructive binge eating is and I knew I had to step up and banish it once and for all.

Recovering wasnt a case of flicking a switch and all was ok but as the days went on things gradually got better. I'm pleased to say that I no longer feel depressed and I'm paying a lot of attention to my health and wellbeing. I'm trying to be smarter about my study time. I'm now getting to bed earlier and I'm exercising in the morning. I'm eating better and performing better at work. I'm back to the old me, a me that I like to be. And I try to hold in my head and heart the lesson I learnt from my D experience.Hopefully the way forward from here is the path I've been trying to take for some time but never managed to stay on long enough to realise my dreams.


Thursday, March 15, 2012


No this is not what you're thinking - I'm good and going strong :-)

In Adelaide's daily paper The Advertiser yesterday and article appeared on page 19 headed 'Balancing act' and the lead in blurb read " A study released yesterday suggested people eating red meat had an increased risk of early death. So and so (not his real name) asked the experts what makes up a healthy diet."

The full page article then listed all the food groups and gave the standard "healthy eating" advice that should suprise nobody including recommended serves for women, men and children. It wasnt until the 'bread, cereals, rice and pasta' section that I raised my eyebrows in surprise. The advice began with the comment that this was the largest of the food groups and should make up 2/3s of our dietary intake. It then went on to quote the recommended serves and serving sizes.

So a serving size was 2 slices of bread or a small roll, a cup each of pasta, rice, noodles or cereal (including oats) and half a cup for muesli. Decent serving sizes, me thinks. It was at the recommended intake that I balked. Women were quoted to required 4-9 serves a day, qualified with a staement about levels of activity dictating the requirement.

This got me thinking - how many sedentary and overweight women would read that and think that eating up to 18 slices of bread a day was "healthy" or lets say 6 slices of bread + a bowl of cereal + up to 5 cups of pasta or rice for dinner. This is the stuff that endurance athletes may require not the average person reading the daily paper. (More on this below) I would question whether even a moderately active person would need THAT many carbs.

Dont get me wrong - I'm not a paleo or low carb activist - I love my carbs - but lets be realsistic about how many we need and question whether the advice given by "the experts" is what our overweight and obese population need to be hearing. Look I'm not naive enough to think that those carbs are the source or cause of our obesity epidemic - fast food, processed food, sugar in everything and a propensity for laziness - have a lot to answer for but my mind boggles at these recommendations.

Incidentally the recommended daily serve of meat/fish/poultry/eggs and nuts for women is ..... wait for it ...... ONE!!!! Followed up with a quote "Prof Cobiac says meat contains essential proteins and iron which is important for growth but too much without exercise may cause obesity." I AM GOBSMACKED. So if I eat 3 serves of meat the size of a deck of cards - I might add - then I'm at risk of obesity.

I always thought most athletes would be eating generous portions of carbs because their training would be torching the calories and the carbs would fuel their workouts. So it was really interesting to read about Libby Trickett's training to get back into shape and swim fast enough to qualify for the London Olympics. Sure her diet had oats in it but the majority of her meals were based on protien with only small amounts of carbs. Yes she had to lean down but hey isnt there a lesson in that for our experts and overweight population.

OK I'll get off my soap box now and make myself a relaxing tea and perhaps have a couple of slices of toast with it seeing as its just one serve (of many) carbs I can enjoy in a day. I'd be interested to hear if you think I'm off the planet or if there is some sense in my opinion. (Sorry I cant find the article to link to it.)


Tuesday, March 13, 2012


Hooray, I seem to have turned a corner and I like where I'm heading. I slept ok last night and got up at 5am to do a HIIT session on my spin bike. Now I use the term "HIIT" loosely because I honestly dont do true HIIT but I work at intervals of about 80% heart rate max. Then I did a little core work only to find that 30 second planks are my current limit (well maybe 45 at a push) so there's plenty of room for improvement there. Thats 5 days of exercising every day and it is feeling good.

Nutrition has been good too and I notice a few cms have come off already. It was such a relief to feel calm and balanced today and not be consumed by comfort eating. I have toned down my study practice as well - not sure how long I can maintain this - but for now I'm not thrashing myself with late night study. I guess the results of tomorrow night's accounting test will tell the story. If my result is good then this practice stays, if not well I'll have to find a smart way to crank it back up but I refuse to run myself back into the ground like before.

I still have a deep and meaningful post within me but just need a little time for wounds to heal and for some distance from the feelings that caused the concern. Life can certainly dish up some painful but important lessons.

So on that note I'm logging off and getting ready for bed as I have another date with the barbell tomorrow morning. Cheers all


Monday, March 12, 2012


I only wear glasses for reading but I love how they look on me. Above is the first pair I got about 2 1/2 years ago. Just recently I managed to put a big scratch right in the middle of the right lens so it was time for an eye test and new glasses.

So here is pair number 1 with quite a dark rimmed frame and little bit of bling on the sides. The frame is plastic so its very light and easy to wear. I like these but .....

Here is pair number 2 with a metal frame in a  mulberry colour thats not showing up in the pic :-( There is also a nice detail at the sides with the frame wider than the lenses and the obligatory bling. These are my favourites and I wish I could wear them all time. I snapped these self portraits on Friday feeling relieved that my facial blemishes had finally cleared up. When I'm stressed I have a bad habit of picking at my skin and in a couple of days I can turn beautiful clear skin into an ugly spotty mess. Thats been my life lately but I'm concentrating hard on leaving my face alone.


Its now the end of my 4 day weekend and I feel so different to when it started. I'm pleased to say that I have scored some runs in the form of:

1. Exercising 4 days straight: 1 hour walk; leg training; 53 min walk/jog; back/shoulders/abs + 35 min walk today. Nothing massively intense or long but there is leg DOMS and there will be some ab DOMS too I'm sure. The weather has been glorious so the walks have been really enjoyable.

2. I have eaten well for 3 of the 4 days with only a little alcohol and very few nibbles at 5pm. I've kept my dinners pretty clean and portion sizes on the smaller side. I feel so much better for this. I did indulge at lunch out on Saturday but when I wasnt hungry at dinner time, I didnt eat. Simple really.

3. I have taken time to enjoy myself and not rush around stressing about everything. Today I shelved the study and went to the beach with my boys. I'm not a beach lover as such but it was nice to be out in the fresh air getting sand between my toes and catching up on some light reading.

4. And finally and almost most importantly, I've slept well and feel refreshed and energetic again. I've gone to bed at a reasonable time and not been up early and my body has thanked me for it thats for sure.

It hasnt all been perfect as I've still had some difficult periods but they have lessened as the weekend has progressed. These last 6 or so weeks have been a huge learning experience for me, culminating in some deep introspective thinking thats helped me to put the pieces together and better understand the whys and wherefores of this mysterious thing called life.

But thats an entirely new post, me thinks.

Saturday, March 10, 2012


Tonight's post comes from my iPad again so I have no pics to put up as I need to upload them to the PC first. They will come though.

So day 2 has been and gone and what an insightful day it was.

Let's start with leg training this morning and my 'back to basics' workout: squats, static lunges (some call these split squats), stiff legged deadlifts and wide squats. 3 sets of 12 reps each - beginner basics with baby weights (10 kilo bar or 2 kilo dumbbells). OMG this nearly killed me. Oh fitness level, where have you gone? Ironically my injury has settled down of its own accord but gosh I'm so unfit again.

Training was followed up by a nice healthy breakfast of low fat Greek yogurt with a High Bran Weetbix, dried figs, nuts and seeds. Great start to the day EXCEPT for the headache that accompanied it. Panadols didn't help much again so I was stuck with it.

Then things got busy and it was like my mood just went down with it all: ice skating lesson, drop my boy at my mum's, rush home, get changed and meet my friend for lunch. Normally this is something I love to do but I really struggled today. Struggled to feel good. Struggled to engage. Struggled to be there. This is not like the normal me at all. Anyway it was still a nice catch up and our mini celebration for her birthday.

I'm calling it a day now as I still don't feel physically great and I hope that an early night will boost me to a full recovery for tomorrow.

Cheers all


Friday, March 9, 2012


As a total indulgence I slept in the guest bedroom last night to get the best sleep possible and I made it to 7.10am which I was pretty happy with. I took myself out for an hour long walk and enjoyed the fresh air and traffic noise LOL. For breakie I had an oat/egg white/cottage cheese pancake with dried figs cooked into it. I spread it was organic apple baby food as its sugar and sweetener free. It's delicious. Today I've guzzled glass after glass of water, another thing that's been sadly lacking over the last few weeks.

After brekkie I got stuck into my share of the housework followed by a shower and a stroll to one of my favourite coffee shops. I took a magazine, sat outside, sipped my skim cappuccino and just chilled out as this place is not too big or busy. It was just what I needed today. After walking home, I took the car to do the grocery shopping after which it was time for a late lunch. Except today I didn't want to have something out as I usually do so I bought some extra fruit, sat on a bench outside, read my magazine some more and ate a banana and a pear.

My boy was coming home from camp today so I made my way to school to pick him up. It was the highlight of my day. After our usual visit to Cibo for ice cream (not for me though) we headed home and I got stuck into unpacking everything and getting dinner sorted.

It has been a wonderful day marred only slightly by a persistent headache that even Panadol could only dull and not get rid of. Hopefully I'm just a bit run down and will bounce back tomorrow without succumbing to a dreaded lurgy. So an early bed is in order in readiness for great day number 2.


Thursday, March 8, 2012


It's the eve of my 4 day weekend and yes I'm bloody excited. Excited that I have the opportunity to break out of my comfort eating rut. Excited to have a little indulgent me-time. Excited to know I can knock off the housework and grocery shopping and take some of the stress out of the weekend. Geez what's my life come to when it's stuff like this that excites me LOL.

And the break couldn't be more welcome or come st a better time. I slept very little again last night. I was so tired this morning, I felt woozy, nauseous and slightly dizzy. But I rocked up to work hanging on to the thought of just getting through this one day. I made it and my reward was dinner out with Peter as our boy is away on camp. Yummmmm. Beautiful Indian food, a bottle of wine, a leisurely stroll all made for a nice end to my working week.

I'm hoping to blog tomorrow with some pics and a positive, uplifting account of my day. Remember, no more whinging and negativity!

Good night all


Wednesday, March 7, 2012


I've just had a talk to my boss about having Friday off. Its been on my mind since yesterday and she has given me the ok.

I need a mental health day. I need to sleep in and take some time to exercise - even if its just a 40-50 minute walk in the fresh air. I need to break out of my work routine as its just fuelling bad behaviours and poor choices. I need to reconnect with myself and the things that are important to me: being healthy and balanced with my nutrition, exercise and mindset. A change in routine often sparks a change in mindset and resultant behaviours and I desperately need that right now.

The reality is that I'm exhausted which makes me cranky and I comfort eat. The second reality is that I'm under a lot of pressure which also makes me cranky and I comfort eat. The third reality is that I cant seem to shake my old "all-or-nothing" thinking so I comfort eat. For close to 6 weeks my life has been like a massive comfort-eating-on-steroids ride. This cant continue.

Today marks the halfway mark in my accounting module with 6 weeks to go. I started February (and the study) with weight sitting in the 66s enough to squeeze in to my skinny size 11 jeans. At the end of last week I was just shy of 70 (no doubt I've cracked it this week). I dont like how I look, how I feel and how I'm thinking.

Things must change.

Whilst the study wont go away, I need to take better care of myself. I dont want to wake up in a dehydrated sugar coma every morning. I just want to feel like the old me used to feel. In June we are holidaying on a cruise from Singapore to Perth. I want to feel comfortable in shorts, bikinis, tank tops. I dont want to be embarassed about my body as I sweat profusely in the tropical heat. I want to go to my wardrobe and have an endless choice about what I can wear instead of reaching for my fat clothes and wondering how to hide my ample arse and thighs. (BTW - you cant hide them - you just have to find what makes them look the least worse.)

Things must change.

I will stop whinging about how I look and how I feel and I'll stop feeling sorry for myself. Negativity breeds more negativity and I've had enough of it. Talk about dragging myself down when I'm already low. Enough already!

I'm planning out my Friday so that I have time to indulge myself, get stuff done that needs doing and setting myself up for a great long weekend. Two sleeps and counting down to the change.


Monday, March 5, 2012


I woke around 2.30am last night. I tried to get back to sleep. After an hour or so, I turned off my 5am alarm thinking that sleep was more important than training. No success.

I got up at 5.40am, fed the cat, made my hot lemon drink and stood at the kitchen sink and cried.

Its my FIL's last day here and the family is coming over for dinner. My FIL is paying for take-away (God bless him he doesnt want to make extra work for me. I've steered him towards BBQed chicken, chips and salads - the lesser of all the evils). I need to help my boy pack for his school camp tomorrow and when everybody's gone home and the packing and reading are done, I can start my study so that I have something to contribute to our group  assignment tomorrow morning. My guess is that bedtime will be around 11pm - merely a few hours short of 24 hours awake.

Ah the start of yet another totally crappy week - sigh.


PS Blogger isnt letting me comment on other blogs or reply to comments on mine :-(

Sunday, March 4, 2012


Well four days into March and there is a distinct pattern of good day/bad day/good day/bad day. Put bluntly: no progress. Geez I just cant get my headspace right and keep it there. I'm totally at a loss for how to break out of this rut. And let me tell you, it is a down and drepressing rut.

Its like I'm no longer connected to myself or my inner voice. Sometimes it talks to me but most of the time its drowned out by the Binge Monster (although not this month), the Apathy Monster or the 'Oh I'll Just Start Tomorrow Monster'. Sometimes I just want to kick myself in the butt and yell "Stop!! You know better than that." But the Apathy Monster wins.

I find myself making mental lists of "if only (blah blah blah) then wouldnt my life be great." But then I step back and see that my life is great. What do I really want? I wish my SP was still in Adelaide. Perhaps just a good honest put it out there talk is all I need to help me regain my balance and perspective.

Good night all


Friday, March 2, 2012


Reading KerryW's post about being fit and fabulous after 40 had me nodding my head in agreement with much of what she wrote. So seeing as I share her passion for being a fit and fabulous 40something, I thought I'd write my own thoughts on this topic.

I have a few years on Kerry with my age now creeping much closer the big FIVE OH and the 40th birthday is but a distant memory. At least I have the excitement of contemplating how I'll celebrate my illustrious 50 years. Party? Overseas holiday with my family? Holiday with girlfriends? Hungry Jacks for a burger? Oops I should aim higher - maybe dinner at Wok in the Box??!!

Its time to confess that I'm a naturally vain person. I dont have to work at it. Its part of my psyche and its a part of me that I must honour. I like to look good because when I look good, I generally feel good. "Well groomed" is my middle name and things like hair, make-up, clothes that fit and flatter are all important to me.

But there is more to the fit and fabulous than the dare I say it, superficial looks. Over the years I have at times really thrashed myself with some pretty intense training both in the body building way (2006-2007) and then half marathon training (2009-2010). Fortunately whether it was the younger age or less wear and tear on the body, but I was able to survive both and only ran into major problems when wanting to repeat the half marathon training a second time. The sum of all these experiences coupled with the injuries I'm now dealing with has forced me to reconsider what being fit is now. I've had to lower my expectations and accept that I wont be a long distance runner nor a figure athlete ever again. Fitness now means moving to the extent my body will allow me at the time. Sometimes jogging, sometimes walking, lifting weights but pacing lower body workouts and pushing a bit harder on upper body. Bikram yoga is my flexibility saviour but I have to accept days when I'm like a plank and my muscles just wont stretch. Small steps, small gains all add up to a leaner and fitter body and thats worth striving for.

The older I get the less there is denying that good nutrition is the key to leanness; fitness; clear, smooth skin; shiny hair; strong nails and inner and outer health. My diet isnt perfect and at times its atrocious but fundamentally its good. I still get compliments about my skin. I'm not overweight (by everyday person on the streets standards) and at my last check up I got an A+ for all the vital tests carried out. Vegetables of many colours, seasonal fruit, good quality carbs, good fats (atlantic salmon, olive oil, nuts, olives), good quality protein and lots of water are the staples that everybody should be having every day. Its not rocket science yet I'm amazed at the number of people I work with who eat junk all day. Is it any wonder they're suffering health problems. Some days I just want to grab them and yell "hello, is there anybody in there who gives a damn?"

But the older I get the more I believe that beauty comes from within.

When we learn to live in a state of inner calm because we are confident of ourselves in the face of life's challenges, we are beautiful.

When we honour and nourish our bodies and souls because we want to, we are beautiful.

When we genuinely care about others and treat people with compassion and understanding. When we dont judge people because we havent walked a mile in their shoes, we are beautiful.

When we show patience, perseverance, determination and passion, we are beautiful.

When we can look within and love what we see, we are beautiful.

If I can grasp and master these qualities I'm instantly transformed by better posture, serenity, quiet confidence and I feel dare I say it, invincible.

Now to get cracking and lose this stubborn bit of middle-aged spread thats taken up residence on my body. Time to work it baby, work it.