NO HOLDING BACK

Hiya all (assuming there is more than 1 reader of my blog tonight),

Well here I am at the end of week 3 of my Acting Director stint and I have decided to bite the bullet and give you the truth, the whole truth and .... well you know the rest.

OK, so this week SUCKED .... BIG TIME :-(

After 2 pretty good weeks and a nice cruising along feeling, I got to Monday morning, evaluated where I was at with the things I wanted to achieve, realised how little I had achieved and proceeded to melt down and have a massive internal panic attack - whilst remaining cool, calm and collected on the outside (because isnt that what all good managers / directors do??!!).

Now this led to one (or all) of the following feelings:

a) I cant be arsed
b) This isnt really happening
c) Its all too hard
d) All of the above

and I ended up having a very crappy eating week coupled with late nights and no training in the mornings. Slowly the wheels started to fall off and by yesterday all four (wheels) had gone astray. What a turnaround from last week's effort??!!

But in all seriousness I was not prepared for this week being a 'culmination' where I really wanted to nail some key things and it didnt look like I would. I was planning to use my last yoga pass on Tuesday but changed my mind late in the day so I could work in the evening. That threw our dinner plans totally our of order and it was all downhill from there. Things were pretty tense in our household thats for sure.

I now realise that I cant possibly give my all to a demanding job and expect to run my household efficiently and give my personal wellbeing the priority and attention it deserves. I just cant spread myself that thin and far. Given the chance to do this again, I would plan it very differently.

But whats been is gone and I'm not beating myself up, wallowing in self pity or planning some wierd arsed rescue mission. I just know that I need to put this behind me and get back to doing what I know is right and what works for me.

Already today has been good and I know tomorrow will be even better. I keep telling myself that I am still on the journey. There are good times and there are still some bad times. I'm not where I want to be just yet but I'm damn closer than I was 6 months ago and as long as I keep taking one step forward and then another and another, I'll get to the place where I want to be.

So to finish off I thought I'd post this from Shar's blog (sorry too late and too tired to link to her - go check out Mum on a Mission). Here's a little bit about me:

Favourite workout - Bikram yoga (but I need to commit to another 10 sessions pass)
Favourite food - oh where do I start?  Mum's roast chicken; Mum's vanilla slice; a GOOD spagetti marinara ... there are too many to list
Favourite clothing - long brown high heeled boots, black tights, short black knit skirt, body fitting black jumper with gold /; brown toned jewellery. I LOVE dressing up and feel so sexy in this outfit.
Favourite day -  Saturday - the day I take some "me-time" as well as doing the usual mum-duties.
Favourite month - March. Although summer is my favourite season, there is something really magical about the beauty of autumn. Plus its our anniversary month as well :-)
Favourite place - Our outdoor area - with a glass of wine
Favourite colour - Red / purple (depending on my mood)

So what are your favourites? Please share.

XX M