MY RESPONSE AND THANKS

Oh boy!!! Sorry this might be epic so I'll understand if you tune out or hit the "skip" button.

Firstly: apologies for throwing my issue out there and then not blogging. I have spent the last two days analysing project budgets, depreciation, cash flows, CPIs, asset values in all forms and anything else that has a dollar value relevant to my work. I have crunched numbers to the nth degree, compiled mammoth spreadsheets, played around with budget logic and spent two late nights achieving all this. It has been huge and hence my absence from here. Case closed (for now).

Guys I am overwhelmed by the responses I've had to my blog post - both public and private. I thank each and every one of you for taking the time to share your thoughts, experiences and encouragement with and for me. I confess to a few moments of "I should have just shut up and worked this out for myself" but to me that also inadvertently says "I'll just put on a false front and pretend everything is ok" - which translates into a lie. So my take is "whats the point of lying or giving false pretence?" I'd rather tell it warts and all.

My thanks goes out to:

Kristy rarely blog these days but we keep in touch via email. When she sees that I'm struggling or going through a rough patch she'll email me to offer her support, encouragement and advice. We often have a very honest exchange about this stuff and I'm grateful for the fact that she's there for me to talk to.

Liz sees things from a scientific and facts based perspective and I can relate to that. The analogy of the paper crease made me think that was exactly how I felt right  now. I was returning to my old habits that were so ingrained but right now I'm not sure that vigilance or avoiding trigger foods is my solution. However I think there is a lot of truth is Liz's statement that reversing the behaviours takes a long time. A few months ago I thought I had (reversed the behaviours) but I no longer feel that way.

Frankie and I are vastly different on this front but thats not to say that what she does works for her. Hey, there are girls out there who live for and relish the body building lifestyle (SO not me any more). What is very obvious is that different things motivate different people.  Different things work for different people. Person A (Frankie) might be completely happy doing X (ketogenic diet) whereas Person B (me) might feel like she's dying on it. I still appreciate the comment as it gives me comfort knowing that I can / must choose what is right for ME.

Sandra and I share the "eat too much" gene :-) As wierd as this sounds .... when I have a binge, O.M.G. I LOVE the food. Sometimes I think I binge just to enjoy the sweet and fatty tastes. But I know I can do really well without the structure and rules and without avoiding trigger foods .... it just doesnt seem to be the case now.

Thank you Shelley for sharing your perspective and putting it in a way that is relevant to me :-) I have thought a lot about your comment and coupled with my current readings (I'm up to page 86) it gives me hope that I too will get there one day (I just wish it was NOW).

BTW I know for me its not about the food and my work with  Maddie (my Sports Psyche) confirmed this. I remember her repeating over and over "binging is not about the food, its about the thought process that goes with it".

Miss Tank (Fern) you have me going straight to google kinesiology. Yes I would like to know more about it (I might PM you on FB). I thought my sessions with the SP had "cured me" but this is not the case now.

Pip much of what you say resonates with me and has worked well for me (core values, limited rules, freedom to make choices). You say "I felt smug as well earlier this year again. I didn't binge or even feel the urge to for months earlier this year and didn't feel like I was 'dieting', just mindful."
Yep that was me to a T. Perhaps the lesson is "lifetime commitment and accept that it can be done but it takes constant vigilance, awareness and moderate restraint."

I have a bit more to write but will save it for part 2 as its now quite late and my mind is not as clear nor sharp. And anyway, after another sleep or two, who knows what brilliance I'll come up with.

Thanks for reading and being there to help me.

:-) M