Over the last few days I've gone to write a blog post but when I read it, I wasnt happy with it so I left it as a draft and came back to it the next day. Hated it. Deleted it. Repeated the process.
I was really out of sorts. Not calm. Not balanced and just struggling with my goals and commitments. As I blogged before, Friday was a total can't-be-arsed day. I ate cake. I ate pasta. I ate pizza. I didn't exercise. Saturday on the other hand was all good again. Sunday not too bad but by then I was really struggling with the old 'all or nothing' mentality. I'd totally lost the healthy lifestyle perspective of the journey I'm on and was fretting about no weight loss that week, my middle aged spread spare tyre still taunting me and planning how I could lose these few kilos quickly. Dukan anybody....
Sunday night and Monday morning were a bit of an emotional nightmare. I was obsessing about weight, body fat, eating, exercise - you name it and it was driving me crazy. I even went as far as having a no carb breakfast to kick start the weight loss I so badly wanted. Duh!! But fortunately as the day progressed the voice of reason broke through and drowned out the crazy obsessive.
As I relaxed I found myself naturally eating less and only when I was hungry. At my GFs house in the late afternoon I had a glass of wine and you know what - I'm not going to stress about it and chastise myself for it. Throughout the afternoon and evening I reminded myself of the little things that work for me - things I came to realize about 6 months ago when I vowed to stop dieting, stop striving for weight loss at any cost and to relax and trust myself to work it out and get it right. I did it then and it's time to go back to the basic roots to reaffirm what I know.
Without going into the nauseating detail of it I just know that I achieve far more when I take the pressure off myself and go with the flow letting the gains (or losses) happen in their own time of their own accord. My psychology of weight loss/management/lifestyle is very specific to me and I must trust that I know what's right. Oh and I cant stress enough - once the headspace is right the rest naturally follows.
Thanks for listening and letting me share my ups and downs. I'm feeling good again and I know that good things will follow - in their own time.
Cheers
Magda
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