WHEN ALL IS GOOD DEEP WITHIN ,THE TURMOIL ON THE OUTSIDE SEEMS TO MATTER LESS

Wow I cant believe its Thursday night already. Where has this week gone?

Well here actually:

My senior colleague who is heavily pregnant has been ill for several weeks now and this week she was banned from coming to work so that she might finally rest enough to fully recover. She was managing a large project on a very tight timeframe with some critical activities scheduled for this week. On Monday I found out that I'd have to take over her role on said project and Monday evening was spent reading tender submissions. I managed a walk to work from my son's school on Tuesday but the walk home didnt eventuate as 1) I left work a bit late 2) I was loaded up with work for the next day as my boy was sick and unlikely to go to school.

I selfishly ignored the work on Tuesday night and headed off for my second hot yoga class. Like the first, it didnt disappoint although I sweated a little more and found some of the poses harder as I couldnt grip my feet properly. Nevertheless I finished strong after really giving it a good effort and then reaped the benefit of the wonderful calm and peaceful feeling that follows (which will be the subject of another post very soon).

On Wednesday morning I hit the computer at 6.15 starting on what I knew was going to be a time consuming report. I finished it at around 9pm last night although I did have to go in to work to attend a meeting about the project I'm now managing. Today has been a uni day learning business law for managers. My brain is mush and I'm REALLY tired.

So putting this report aside, how do I honestly feel?

I've had moments of yelling obscenities at my computer. I've had moments of "OMG I'll never get this report done and to my boss in time." I've had moments of feeling overwhelmed, short-tempered, under pressure, no clarity, brain just struggling to keep up with it all and feeling inadequate.

Yet despite all of these feelings, I still feel really good deep within myself. I've maintained my sense of humour (well at least some of the time LOL), I've paced myself, I've kept myself on task sometimes taking really small steps to get where I need to go. And finally I've not resorted to food or binge eating to dull the pain, to give me 5 minutes of gratification or to distract me from the task and how I feel. In fact I've probably eaten a bit less than usual due to yoga on Tuesday (couldnt eat dinner before and too late to eat dinner after) and being so busy yesterday (although not skipping meals). You know what - no big deal. It all balances out in the end (thanks to mum's home made pizza for dinner tonight).

This may be how life looks over the coming few months but I'm finally quietly confident that I'll manage ok and not come out of it 5 kilos heavier. When all is good deep within, the turmoil on the outside seems to matter less.

M