I've just had a talk to my boss about having Friday off. Its been on my mind since yesterday and she has given me the ok.
I need a mental health day. I need to sleep in and take some time to exercise - even if its just a 40-50 minute walk in the fresh air. I need to break out of my work routine as its just fuelling bad behaviours and poor choices. I need to reconnect with myself and the things that are important to me: being healthy and balanced with my nutrition, exercise and mindset. A change in routine often sparks a change in mindset and resultant behaviours and I desperately need that right now.
The reality is that I'm exhausted which makes me cranky and I comfort eat. The second reality is that I'm under a lot of pressure which also makes me cranky and I comfort eat. The third reality is that I cant seem to shake my old "all-or-nothing" thinking so I comfort eat. For close to 6 weeks my life has been like a massive comfort-eating-on-steroids ride. This cant continue.
Today marks the halfway mark in my accounting module with 6 weeks to go. I started February (and the study) with weight sitting in the 66s enough to squeeze in to my skinny size 11 jeans. At the end of last week I was just shy of 70 (no doubt I've cracked it this week). I dont like how I look, how I feel and how I'm thinking.
Things must change.
Whilst the study wont go away, I need to take better care of myself. I dont want to wake up in a dehydrated sugar coma every morning. I just want to feel like the old me used to feel. In June we are holidaying on a cruise from Singapore to Perth. I want to feel comfortable in shorts, bikinis, tank tops. I dont want to be embarassed about my body as I sweat profusely in the tropical heat. I want to go to my wardrobe and have an endless choice about what I can wear instead of reaching for my fat clothes and wondering how to hide my ample arse and thighs. (BTW - you cant hide them - you just have to find what makes them look the least worse.)
Things must change.
I will stop whinging about how I look and how I feel and I'll stop feeling sorry for myself. Negativity breeds more negativity and I've had enough of it. Talk about dragging myself down when I'm already low. Enough already!
I'm planning out my Friday so that I have time to indulge myself, get stuff done that needs doing and setting myself up for a great long weekend. Two sleeps and counting down to the change.
M
It breaks my heart to hear of your suffering :(.
ReplyDeleteSending you a hug xxxx
SS
Thanks SS. I will be ok. Ironically I'm doing what I really wanted to do and thats study at university yet I never thought it would be THIS hard in terms of time needing to be devoted to it. As for the comfort eating, I know I can conquer it once the physical stuff (exhaustion) is in order.
ReplyDeleteHI Magda, is the uni work part of your job or related to it - you may be able to negotiate a reduced workload to offset the extra you're doing with the study. Good luck and enjoy your sleep in on Friday!
ReplyDeleteHmmmm, I totally get where you are coming from, but think right now I'm up about 7-8kg on you, (same height). The last 3-4kg on estimation got there lightening fast. I'm in the process of another lifestyle 'renovation' again. I must get to bed earlier as 5 hours till alarm doesn't cut it. However I'm feeling so chilled and relaxed after a couple of wines that I wanna stay up all night and do what I please, damn getting up at 4.45am! If I have anymore wine, (which is what I REALLY feel like)......I will have to cycle to the traino in the dark with only one tiny light on bike....but that may be an option! And YOU do it much harder than me :-). I'm in a lifestyle 'crackdown',(drumroll) - let's feel proud when we meet in Perth or Freo in June or July before the cruise :-)
ReplyDeleteDue to my 2 wines, I forgot to say.....have great earned relaxation day on Friday! A quick training early if ya feel ya want.....but you more than deserve a YOU day! :-)
ReplyDeleteMagda, I think this is just what you need. A little "break" on your own will do wonders for you...definitely factor in some movement, a long leisurely walk and some "nothing" time. You will feel relaxed and it will lead you to make better food choices.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy! xo
Hi Liz, yes it is but continuing to study is my choice and work cannot support me with continued time off as I got lots last year. My boss has agreed to some study leave when I need to prepare for exams or complete assignments. On the plus side, although its pretty obvious that my work performance is suffering, my boss has cut me a fair bit of slack as she knows I'm struggling to keep my head above water.
ReplyDeleteThanks Pip. When you consider our age diff your 7-8 is about equal to my 3-4. Anyway, they are just numbers and my main focus is to feel better, get the numbers down but not through anything extreme and get out of this negative rut. Looking forward to us meeting again in July.
Your absolutely right Sandra. Just knowing I can get on top of the cleaning and shopping will mean I have a less stressed weekend ahead. I also have lunch out with a girlfriend on Saturday so thats a wonderful opportunity to chill out doing something I love. My goal is to return to work on Tuesday NOT feeling exhausted to the bone.
Thanks for your support and comments guys :-)