Today was a classic example of "be careful what you wish for". Last night I was in a quandary about how I could change and evolve. I literally feel like I'm drowning in work, deadlines, mum duties, family responsibilities AND if all that wasnt enough to test me, I'm struggling with my eating and to some extent my exercise as well. I can sum November up in a few words: emotional and physical roller coaster. OVER. IT.
But that's not what tonight's post is about. Peter shared some BIG news at dinner tonight, news that will impact on us significantly. Today he was offered an Assistsnt Directors position at his current place of work but in a different section. He would be working with a colleague who he respects and gets along with really well. One aspect of his role is a line of work that he loves and is really good at. Some other aspects are not as exciting (welcome to the real world). He will accept the offer after sorting through handover issues with his current Director.
I'm really happy for him. He deserves this and will be really good at it. He's been unhappy with work for so long that this break through will hopefully get him out of his current negative rut. It's so good just to see him happy and excited about the prospect of this change.
But - and there's always a but isn't there - after my recent experience as Acting Director I'm very strongly of the opinion that there can only be one executive in a family with children. The demands on your time are too great and the other partner needs to pick up the slack and make sure the kid isn't neglected. As my parents get older, we'll be relying on them less and less meaning we need to be able to do more.
Ok "so what" you say. Well it makes me think again about my decision to keep studying. And I do this because although on the one hand I'd like to get a formal qualification, the reason for getting it is to advance my career. Where I work now (and I love it so I'm not looking to leave) the only way up is to a director's position. I would not invest the several thousand dollars for any other reason.
It's a tough one and I need to ponder it and weigh up how my heart feels and to a lesser extent what my head days. So maybe thats the change that I pined for last night. Delivered to me in an indirect way......maybe. Perhaps it's no coincidence that my uni application hasn't gone in it yet (due 9 December) and that Peter missed out on a job he recently applied for. Who knows??!!
M
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
NEW BEGINNINGS - MY TAKE
In this recent post Liz wrote about new beginnings and making some minor changes to her routine. I'm not familiar with the Christian calendar and Advent but I like the idea that the new beginnings would start in the last month of the year. It has a quirky appeal. New year's resolutions and the whole idea of starting fresh and doing things differently on the first day of the year just doesnt wash with me. For many, resolutions last a few days (if you're lucky) and are then forgotten.
Although work has been really busy with a major deadline (today) thrown at us late last week, in my spare time (LOL) I've been thinking about change, personal transformation and development. I want to move forward, to evolve and change but right now I'm not seeing my way to do this. My thoughts are frantic and muddled. I'm reacting badly to work pressure and the (life/emotional) balance has tipped over and I'm trying to put it back together.
Maybe I just need to sit and breathe, still the chaos in my head so that my heart can be heard. Maybe I need to facilitate the reconnection despite all that goes on around me. At the end of the day I know that everything I'm looking for is already within me, I just need to allow it to surface.
M
Although work has been really busy with a major deadline (today) thrown at us late last week, in my spare time (LOL) I've been thinking about change, personal transformation and development. I want to move forward, to evolve and change but right now I'm not seeing my way to do this. My thoughts are frantic and muddled. I'm reacting badly to work pressure and the (life/emotional) balance has tipped over and I'm trying to put it back together.
Maybe I just need to sit and breathe, still the chaos in my head so that my heart can be heard. Maybe I need to facilitate the reconnection despite all that goes on around me. At the end of the day I know that everything I'm looking for is already within me, I just need to allow it to surface.
M
Sunday, November 27, 2011
WHAT AN AWESOME DAY
What an awesome day starting with a sleep in :-) meaning no Bikram yoga :-( but replaced with a 52 minute walk as fast as I could manage :-) The weather was glorious for it too.
This was followed up with a quick baking of Anzac biscuits to take for sharing after our boy's strings concert in the afternoon. After a shower and hair wash I took myself out to buy fresh bread and enjoyed a coffee and a late breakfast of raisin toast at my favourite cafe. A quick read of the paper just set the morning off beautifully :-)
After the troops had their lunch we got ourselves organised and headed off to school for the end of year strings concert. My boy played a solo (beautifully, I thought) and we were all really proud of him (my parents and aunty all came to watch). A quick afternoon tea at school and then a coffee and biscuit stop over on the way home meant I ate a bit more than I intended but I decided to just go with the flow :-)
Peter and I got to work at home baking a carrot cake for the grand final Movember bake off seeing as he won his round earlier making the best banana cake. He did the work, I just helped with some of the prep. Then we had a relaxing wine in our outdoor area before cooking up a BBQ for dinner :-)
Sadly the day finished with a plethora of jobs like making lunches, folding washing and cooking chili con carne for tomorrow night's dinner but hey, you gotta take the bad with the good. At least I'll go to bed shortly knowing that bar a couple of morning chores, I'm organised for the week :-)
I hope you had a good weekend too and that you have a great week ahead.
Cheers all
:-) M
This was followed up with a quick baking of Anzac biscuits to take for sharing after our boy's strings concert in the afternoon. After a shower and hair wash I took myself out to buy fresh bread and enjoyed a coffee and a late breakfast of raisin toast at my favourite cafe. A quick read of the paper just set the morning off beautifully :-)
After the troops had their lunch we got ourselves organised and headed off to school for the end of year strings concert. My boy played a solo (beautifully, I thought) and we were all really proud of him (my parents and aunty all came to watch). A quick afternoon tea at school and then a coffee and biscuit stop over on the way home meant I ate a bit more than I intended but I decided to just go with the flow :-)
Peter and I got to work at home baking a carrot cake for the grand final Movember bake off seeing as he won his round earlier making the best banana cake. He did the work, I just helped with some of the prep. Then we had a relaxing wine in our outdoor area before cooking up a BBQ for dinner :-)
Sadly the day finished with a plethora of jobs like making lunches, folding washing and cooking chili con carne for tomorrow night's dinner but hey, you gotta take the bad with the good. At least I'll go to bed shortly knowing that bar a couple of morning chores, I'm organised for the week :-)
I hope you had a good weekend too and that you have a great week ahead.
Cheers all
:-) M
Saturday, November 26, 2011
A DINNER TREAT OUT TONIGHT
After a week of mindful healthy and lean eating its nice to go out and enjoy a bit of a treat. We had a funny dinner conversation during the week when our 9 year old declared that he liked going out to dinner and didn't want to eat at home every night of the year. Peter and I looked at each other bewildered by his declaration wondering "where did THAT come from?" but decided that yes it had been a while since we had eaten out as a family.
So tonight we went to a local Greek restaurant (that happened to win a significant award lately). Oh my I LOVE Greek food. We shared a mixed platter of meat and seafood dishes served with rice, chips (didn't waste any room on those) and Greek salad. It was devine and because we hadn't filled up on dips and pita bread first, I treated myself to dessert tonight and had a galaktobureko (Greek custard in filo pastry). YUMMO!!!
Now I feel all fueled up to walk to and from Bikram yoga as well as doing the 90 minute class (no mean feat, I tell you). Oh and let's not forget that this "treat" puts me in a good psychological space for another week of healthy, lean eating.
Feeling great. Looking good. Loving life.
:-) M
So tonight we went to a local Greek restaurant (that happened to win a significant award lately). Oh my I LOVE Greek food. We shared a mixed platter of meat and seafood dishes served with rice, chips (didn't waste any room on those) and Greek salad. It was devine and because we hadn't filled up on dips and pita bread first, I treated myself to dessert tonight and had a galaktobureko (Greek custard in filo pastry). YUMMO!!!
Now I feel all fueled up to walk to and from Bikram yoga as well as doing the 90 minute class (no mean feat, I tell you). Oh and let's not forget that this "treat" puts me in a good psychological space for another week of healthy, lean eating.
Feeling great. Looking good. Loving life.
:-) M
Friday, November 25, 2011
SACRED ME TIME - PART 2
Today's sacred me-time started with getting up before I wanted to :-( But this meant I got in a 40 minute walk, in the drizzle before embarking on the day's activities.
After a shower and breakfast, I headed out to pick up my Mum to take her to do her Christmas shopping. We started with the obligatory coffee at Cibo and planned our shopping expedition. By lunch time it was all done :-) so we enjoyed a leisurely meal at a nice cafe. I'm so proud of Mum making the necessary dietary changes to help her lose weight and manage her diabetes. Even though it wasnt on the menu, she wanted grilled fish with a side salad and no chips. I had a lamb salad and because our meals were quite healthy there was a guilt-free glass of wine to be had as well. Naturally we had a lovely chat over the course of the day.
Seeing as it was a long(ish) drive home we set off after lunch giving me a little down time before picking my boy up from school. The day just went so fast :-) :-( (feeling good about that but a little sad too) but I really enjoyed it. I am SO grateful that I still have my wonderful Mum and that she is in good enough health to spend a day trawling a Westfield LOL.
This is Mum holding my little niece taken about a year ago.
On that note I shall sign off and sneak in an early night as I'm quite tired but regardless, I'm feeling absolutely awesome and looking forward to a great weekend. Hope your's is good too.
:-) M
Thursday, November 24, 2011
SACRED ME TIME
Today was Day 1 of 2 days of sacred me-time. This is my treat to myself for working so hard through October and I've planned it well to make it really worthwhile.
After dropping my boy at school and having a coffee with Peter before he went to work, I took myself off to the 9.30 Bikram yoga class. That will be 3 sessions since Sunday, a record for me so far. After BY it was a quick dash for a 1 hour full body sports massage. I have a real love/hate with sports massages. My God they hurt like hell but they are soooooo good.
I followed this up with a nice lunch out .... and yes I was on my own. I went to one of my favourite local eateries and ordered the spaghetti marinara which they make to an exceptional standard. I teamed it with a glass of Scarpantoni School Block and I was one happy camper.
Then it was off for a spa pedicure to address my long raggedy toenails, dry cracked heels and neglected feet. I now have beautiful soft feet with nice dark red nails. I feel all glam LOL. After that it was time to pick my boy up from school and we went shopping for a friend's birthday present. Oh that was after ice cream and chai tea at Cibo.
It has been a fantastic day, one that I enjoyed immensely and tomorrow I spend my me-time with my mum which will also be great. I truly believe that we all need some decent self pampering at times just because it feels so good. Nourish the soul and it will serve you well. Neglect it and expect to fight a lot of internal battles.
M
After dropping my boy at school and having a coffee with Peter before he went to work, I took myself off to the 9.30 Bikram yoga class. That will be 3 sessions since Sunday, a record for me so far. After BY it was a quick dash for a 1 hour full body sports massage. I have a real love/hate with sports massages. My God they hurt like hell but they are soooooo good.
I followed this up with a nice lunch out .... and yes I was on my own. I went to one of my favourite local eateries and ordered the spaghetti marinara which they make to an exceptional standard. I teamed it with a glass of Scarpantoni School Block and I was one happy camper.
Then it was off for a spa pedicure to address my long raggedy toenails, dry cracked heels and neglected feet. I now have beautiful soft feet with nice dark red nails. I feel all glam LOL. After that it was time to pick my boy up from school and we went shopping for a friend's birthday present. Oh that was after ice cream and chai tea at Cibo.
It has been a fantastic day, one that I enjoyed immensely and tomorrow I spend my me-time with my mum which will also be great. I truly believe that we all need some decent self pampering at times just because it feels so good. Nourish the soul and it will serve you well. Neglect it and expect to fight a lot of internal battles.
M
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
DIABETES FOR DUMMIES
Ive written recently (read here) about my mum's diabetes diagnosis earlier this month. Its now confirmed that she is diabetic (not pre-diabetic as I had thought). Today I visited her Diabetes Educator with her to make sure that she (and I) both understand her condition and how to manage it. It was a really interesting session and I learnt a lot from it.
But more than the learnings about diabetes it has made me stop and think about health and well being in general. How many of us take our health for granted by allowing poor diet, fitness and lifestyle habits to creep in? How many of us carry a few extra kilos because we can't be arsed to put the effort in to losing them. That effort of being careful and disciplined with our food and exercising consistently - including those times when we can't be arsed - just seems too hard sometimes, especially when there seems to be no direct motivation to do it.
How many of us live with a "she'll be right" attitude because facing up to a "she may not be all right" attitude is harder? Come on, admit it, you've probably been guilty of it at some stage.
Ok I confess (and you all know it anyway) that I've been guilty of all of the above. It's human nature to take the easy way and to make some poor decisions (sometimes). When you know that your general health is good, when you know that your weight is not a health risk, when your fitness level is better than that of the average office worker, it's bloody easy to get complacent about it all. I've certainly had plenty of those times.
But today I learnt that I have a 40% chance of getting diabetes myself. I learnt the factors that will contribute to its onset and I learnt a bit about its management strategy (more of that in lesson 2 in 2 weeks time). I tell you, if that's not enough to motivate me to do my best to control the onset factors that can be controlled then I don't know what is.
My mum will manage her diabetes through diet, exercise and weight loss until eventually she'll need tablets and then insulin injections. Not something I want to be looking down the barrel at as I get older. Because whilst its not the diabetes itself that is the killer (pardon the pun), its the complications that can arise from it that would make life suck.
M
But more than the learnings about diabetes it has made me stop and think about health and well being in general. How many of us take our health for granted by allowing poor diet, fitness and lifestyle habits to creep in? How many of us carry a few extra kilos because we can't be arsed to put the effort in to losing them. That effort of being careful and disciplined with our food and exercising consistently - including those times when we can't be arsed - just seems too hard sometimes, especially when there seems to be no direct motivation to do it.
How many of us live with a "she'll be right" attitude because facing up to a "she may not be all right" attitude is harder? Come on, admit it, you've probably been guilty of it at some stage.
Ok I confess (and you all know it anyway) that I've been guilty of all of the above. It's human nature to take the easy way and to make some poor decisions (sometimes). When you know that your general health is good, when you know that your weight is not a health risk, when your fitness level is better than that of the average office worker, it's bloody easy to get complacent about it all. I've certainly had plenty of those times.
But today I learnt that I have a 40% chance of getting diabetes myself. I learnt the factors that will contribute to its onset and I learnt a bit about its management strategy (more of that in lesson 2 in 2 weeks time). I tell you, if that's not enough to motivate me to do my best to control the onset factors that can be controlled then I don't know what is.
My mum will manage her diabetes through diet, exercise and weight loss until eventually she'll need tablets and then insulin injections. Not something I want to be looking down the barrel at as I get older. Because whilst its not the diabetes itself that is the killer (pardon the pun), its the complications that can arise from it that would make life suck.
M
Monday, November 21, 2011
GOOD HABITS
Operation Shedding the Spread is underway and I swear even after just 1 day of eating really well and doing a decent training session, I feel infinitely better and slimmer already LOL. Which goes to show, its not about the scale number or how many centimetres the tape measure is showing (geez I havent done that for ages) but more about the good habits that you string together over a day, a week or the months that have the feel-good effect. This effect then translates into carrying yourself better through better posture which has the effect of making you look slimmer. And so the positive spiral continues.
Its nice to have a dose of leg DOMS tonight which means it should be a little worse tomorrow - proof that the bit of leg training I aim for weekly is still effective. I think I'm also feeling some effect from yesterday's Bikram yoga because last week I was totally slack and blew off all my weight training. You know when I go off the rails, I REALLY go off the rails. No point doing things by halves LOL.
Oh and on a completely different note I must confess my latest obsession ....
Isnt she just so beautiful, elegant and classy. I'm in awe.
:-) M
Its nice to have a dose of leg DOMS tonight which means it should be a little worse tomorrow - proof that the bit of leg training I aim for weekly is still effective. I think I'm also feeling some effect from yesterday's Bikram yoga because last week I was totally slack and blew off all my weight training. You know when I go off the rails, I REALLY go off the rails. No point doing things by halves LOL.
Oh and on a completely different note I must confess my latest obsession ....
Isnt she just so beautiful, elegant and classy. I'm in awe.
:-) M
Sunday, November 20, 2011
SHEDDING THE SPREAD
I sit here on a Sunday night after an awesome weekend. Ive had 3 fantastic days of feeling calm, balanced and knowing that I'm not at risk of falling into the pit of despair again (well not for a while anyway LOL).
Admittedly my jeans felt a bit tight on Saturday morning but I knew that would be expected. Their tightness wont last long, I know that too. On Saturday night we had a group of friends and family over for an (early) Thanksgiving dinner. I wanted to wear something nicer than jeans and it was a coolish night so I put on my black stretch pants (made from a very thick fabric with good hold). I teamed them with my black top from Rayure (bought in Singapore this year) which is also very body hugging. I looked at myself in the full length mirror and apart from my waist being a bit thicker than I'd like, I was quite happy with how I looked. (Luckily my frame and general body shape means I can carry some extra kilos and still look good.) My BFF even commented at one stage "have you lost weight? You look like you've lost weight." LOL LOL LOL.
But this morning at Bikram yoga I noticed that my middle definitely has the miggle-aged-spread happening and I decided that its gotta go. I've bought the most gorgeous figure hugging dress for Christmas Day and bugger me if I'm going to look like an overstuffed sausage in it. So over the next 5 weeks I'm planning to be a little more mindful with my food, my portions and my treats. I know I dont need to follow any wierd-arse strict diet, just be a little more careful with food and consistent with training.
I'm not even getting all hung up with the scale number. Its more about how I look and feel rather than shooting for a magical number. I know I can do this and remain sane throughout the process. I'm not into before and after pics but I promise to show off my dress in photos taken on Christmas Day.
So on that note I need an early night in readiness for a leg/abs training session tomorrow morning. Bring it on, i say.
:-) M
Admittedly my jeans felt a bit tight on Saturday morning but I knew that would be expected. Their tightness wont last long, I know that too. On Saturday night we had a group of friends and family over for an (early) Thanksgiving dinner. I wanted to wear something nicer than jeans and it was a coolish night so I put on my black stretch pants (made from a very thick fabric with good hold). I teamed them with my black top from Rayure (bought in Singapore this year) which is also very body hugging. I looked at myself in the full length mirror and apart from my waist being a bit thicker than I'd like, I was quite happy with how I looked. (Luckily my frame and general body shape means I can carry some extra kilos and still look good.) My BFF even commented at one stage "have you lost weight? You look like you've lost weight." LOL LOL LOL.
But this morning at Bikram yoga I noticed that my middle definitely has the miggle-aged-spread happening and I decided that its gotta go. I've bought the most gorgeous figure hugging dress for Christmas Day and bugger me if I'm going to look like an overstuffed sausage in it. So over the next 5 weeks I'm planning to be a little more mindful with my food, my portions and my treats. I know I dont need to follow any wierd-arse strict diet, just be a little more careful with food and consistent with training.
I'm not even getting all hung up with the scale number. Its more about how I look and feel rather than shooting for a magical number. I know I can do this and remain sane throughout the process. I'm not into before and after pics but I promise to show off my dress in photos taken on Christmas Day.
So on that note I need an early night in readiness for a leg/abs training session tomorrow morning. Bring it on, i say.
:-) M
Friday, November 18, 2011
UNDERSTANDING IT ALL
Phew did I ride the rollercoaster yesterday??!! From feeling quite good during the day to then feeling like crap again after my shopping expedition in Country Road (FB friends will know what thats about). But I guess we've all had that happen - walk into a store, try on clothes in our size and 1 above and have nothing fit. Of course in my current fragile (and sometimes irrational) state I'm going to walk out feeling fat and depressed.
Having said that I'm over it today and feeling ok again.
Katie and Liz left comments on my last post (thanks guys) and I considered both opinions (+ a private message) and worked my way to a level of understanding of what I need to do to truly move forward. I need to finish what I started a couple of years ago.
Hanging out for a busy but good weekend now.
Cheers all
Magda
Having said that I'm over it today and feeling ok again.
Katie and Liz left comments on my last post (thanks guys) and I considered both opinions (+ a private message) and worked my way to a level of understanding of what I need to do to truly move forward. I need to finish what I started a couple of years ago.
Hanging out for a busy but good weekend now.
Cheers all
Magda
Thursday, November 17, 2011
THE POST AFTER THE POST WITH NO NAME
Well I'm not quite sure whats going on but over the last few weeks I've been all over the place with my moods and wellbeing. From feeling awesomely invincible to feeling down-in-the-dumps crappy, I've been through the whole range. I'm exhausted from it all LOL.
Anyway I feel ok today so I've allowed myself to log into Blogger and write something meaningful, or meaningless or perhaps something pitched in between. Lets see what I'm capable of.
Blogger is not publishing comments for me and I like to acknowledge all comments on my posts so thanks to Sandra for sending some love my way :-) Maybe that love helped me out of my hole.
Now that I'm a rational and intelligent human being again, I've reflected on what works for me, what doesnt and what I need to tick along in my usually happy way. Last Friday I was having a celebratory champagne with a friend I hadnt seen for a while and I was telling her about my work as Director and how I managed my study and exams at that time. Without realising it, I was spelling out my structured and regimented approach to work, study, exercise, nutrition and my subsequent wellbeing. In response she had a good laugh and said it sounded like I was parenting myself, setting boundaries and making sure I stuck to them. I had to laugh also, purely at the very truth of her observation LOL. Without doubt, the reason I survived that stressful time AND achieved a distinction mark for my exam AND achieved some major milestones at work, all with my health and sanity intact was because I paid a LOT of attention to practicing good habits.
As boring as it sounds and some may lament as to "where's the fun?" or "where's the spontaniety or excitement in that?" I would reply that when there is so much on your (my) plate structure, routine and dare I say it .... rules ... do help you (me) to get a lot done without compromising your/my wellbeing. Just saying, it seemed to work for me.
Fast forward to the last few weeks and I've been all over the place: numbing out on FB, allowing defeatist thoughts to occupy my attitude to work, eating mindlessly, exercising without consistency or effort and just slipping into a whole negative space. Duh!!! I know I know better but sometimes I forget that it takes work to be in a good positive space.
So now I'll take my psychoanalyst's hat off and divert my energy to the next important thing on my 'To Do' list today. Oh and I'm not sure if this constitues a meaningful, meaningless or somewhere in between post. I'd say "you be the judge" and I'll reserve my opinion.
:-)
M
Anyway I feel ok today so I've allowed myself to log into Blogger and write something meaningful, or meaningless or perhaps something pitched in between. Lets see what I'm capable of.
Blogger is not publishing comments for me and I like to acknowledge all comments on my posts so thanks to Sandra for sending some love my way :-) Maybe that love helped me out of my hole.
Now that I'm a rational and intelligent human being again, I've reflected on what works for me, what doesnt and what I need to tick along in my usually happy way. Last Friday I was having a celebratory champagne with a friend I hadnt seen for a while and I was telling her about my work as Director and how I managed my study and exams at that time. Without realising it, I was spelling out my structured and regimented approach to work, study, exercise, nutrition and my subsequent wellbeing. In response she had a good laugh and said it sounded like I was parenting myself, setting boundaries and making sure I stuck to them. I had to laugh also, purely at the very truth of her observation LOL. Without doubt, the reason I survived that stressful time AND achieved a distinction mark for my exam AND achieved some major milestones at work, all with my health and sanity intact was because I paid a LOT of attention to practicing good habits.
As boring as it sounds and some may lament as to "where's the fun?" or "where's the spontaniety or excitement in that?" I would reply that when there is so much on your (my) plate structure, routine and dare I say it .... rules ... do help you (me) to get a lot done without compromising your/my wellbeing. Just saying, it seemed to work for me.
Fast forward to the last few weeks and I've been all over the place: numbing out on FB, allowing defeatist thoughts to occupy my attitude to work, eating mindlessly, exercising without consistency or effort and just slipping into a whole negative space. Duh!!! I know I know better but sometimes I forget that it takes work to be in a good positive space.
So now I'll take my psychoanalyst's hat off and divert my energy to the next important thing on my 'To Do' list today. Oh and I'm not sure if this constitues a meaningful, meaningless or somewhere in between post. I'd say "you be the judge" and I'll reserve my opinion.
:-)
M
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
THE POST WITH NO NAME
I've just typed an epic post detailing all my woes, read it, hit delete and decided to go suck it up and come back when I'm feeling better. Who wants to read that sh*t? (I dont).
Life wont always be great. Sometimes I'll feel like crap. Sometimes I'll handle it ok and sometimes I wont. Accept it and move on. Things could be a LOT worse, Princess.
So on that note I shall sign off Blogger and come back when I can write rationally with some intelligence. I know I have it in me but right now it cant find its way out.
M
Life wont always be great. Sometimes I'll feel like crap. Sometimes I'll handle it ok and sometimes I wont. Accept it and move on. Things could be a LOT worse, Princess.
So on that note I shall sign off Blogger and come back when I can write rationally with some intelligence. I know I have it in me but right now it cant find its way out.
M
Friday, November 11, 2011
AWESOMENESS AND PROGRESS
Tuesday night's Bikram experience is well and truly behind me now and I'm pretty pleased to say that my awesomeness has well and truly returned. Work is full -on and next week will continue to be chaotic. We have a busy weekend ahead and me-time will be limited and precious. But despite this I am feeling great and I know it will continue this way.
After Bikram I had a moderate - well almost non-existent - training day on Wednesday. I walked 34 minutes to meet a couple of friends for breakfast before work. I deserved a rest. Yesterday I fought the "Oh I dont feel like it Monster" and did my usual leg training session: 3 x 12 squats; 3 x 12 static lunges; 3 x 12 straight leg dead lifts and 3 x 12 wide legged squats. I started this routine back in April or May when I was still running and having all sorts of leg pains and problems. I started with the piddliest weights you could imagine (a 10kg bar for the squats and deads and my bright green 2kg bumbbells for the lunges - it was laughable and embarrassing). But my goal was to focus on technique, not heavy weights and to increase my weights slightly each week. For a few weeks now I've been squatting 32.5kgs, deadlifting 30kgs and lunging with 10-11kg dumbbells. I'm not ready to go heavier as I'm noticing my technique is suffering but by gosh I get DOMS every time I do this training (which is weekly - come hell or high water).
Today's training was a 50 minute walk to "complement" the home-made pizza we had for dinner at mum and dad's last night. Mum will be seeing a dietician soon and I've asked to attend that appointment with her. I want to understand her condition and what she needs to do to manage it. And yes I admit, I hope to get a bit out of it for myself as well.
But now its time to say good night. Beauty sleep (and lots of it) are in order. Til next time folks.
XX M
After Bikram I had a moderate - well almost non-existent - training day on Wednesday. I walked 34 minutes to meet a couple of friends for breakfast before work. I deserved a rest. Yesterday I fought the "Oh I dont feel like it Monster" and did my usual leg training session: 3 x 12 squats; 3 x 12 static lunges; 3 x 12 straight leg dead lifts and 3 x 12 wide legged squats. I started this routine back in April or May when I was still running and having all sorts of leg pains and problems. I started with the piddliest weights you could imagine (a 10kg bar for the squats and deads and my bright green 2kg bumbbells for the lunges - it was laughable and embarrassing). But my goal was to focus on technique, not heavy weights and to increase my weights slightly each week. For a few weeks now I've been squatting 32.5kgs, deadlifting 30kgs and lunging with 10-11kg dumbbells. I'm not ready to go heavier as I'm noticing my technique is suffering but by gosh I get DOMS every time I do this training (which is weekly - come hell or high water).
Today's training was a 50 minute walk to "complement" the home-made pizza we had for dinner at mum and dad's last night. Mum will be seeing a dietician soon and I've asked to attend that appointment with her. I want to understand her condition and what she needs to do to manage it. And yes I admit, I hope to get a bit out of it for myself as well.
But now its time to say good night. Beauty sleep (and lots of it) are in order. Til next time folks.
XX M
Thursday, November 10, 2011
THE NIGHT BIKRAM BEAT ME
On Tuesday night I went to Bikram yoga as I’m trying to get into a routine of 1-2 practices a week. It was a warm day and in fact it was a bit hot in the afternoon. It was nice to go in my yoga gear with just a T-shirt to cover up before and after the class.
I like to arrive early, set up and lie in savasna for a few minutes to allow the day’s cares to melt away and prepare myself mentally for the class. Then I sit up, check out the room and patiently wait for the class to start.
So I got to that point and started to feel uncomfortable. I was sweating a fair bit but didn’t have any idea of the room temperature. We started the class with the deep breathing exercise and almost immediately my heart rate went quite high (VERY unusual – as I’m still reasonably aerobically fit and this has never happened before). It wasn’t long before I was feeling moderately dizzy and slightly disorientated. I did my best on the standing poses but got to the triangle pose and decided to sit it out as its one of the “aerobic poses” and God knows I was already working aerobically and not handling it well.
From there on I paced myself through the standing poses sometimes just doing them once instead of twice. The standing head to knee compression pose was dreadful as I then found breathing difficult as well – adding further to my “unhappiness.” I thought I’d be fine once we started the floor poses but this was not the case. Even lying in savasna was hard and no matter how much I focussed on relaxing to slow my breathing, it just wasn’t happening.
I’ve heard the instructors say many times “if you feel dizzy or not good lie down but try to stay in the room” so I made this my goal. But honestly every minute felt like it was 10 minutes long and I felt awful. Staying to the end was a true test of my willpower and endurance. At the final savasna I ALWAYS lie quietly for several minutes enjoying the calm and the sense of achievement that I feel at the end of a class but this time I was up almost straight away, teetering out of the room, escaping the torture chamber (as its affectionately known.) It took a long time before I felt anywhere near normal.
A lady had a chat with me after the class explaining that I just needed to acclimatise to the room in warmer weather and this would take about a week after which I’d be back to coping and loving my Bikram as I did before. I know she’s right but next time it’s a warm – hot day, I wont be going in too early and I’ll take a frozen sports drink with me in case this happens again. I have no intention to quit but this session did shake me up a bit.
M
Monday, November 7, 2011
CUTTING THE CRAPPY CARBS
Well here I am after picking mysef up and dusting myself off. Sorry to go on about this but even over the last couple of days its been a real struggle for me. I have felt emotional and sad (teary even). The feelings of calmness and balance were very slow to come back. I battled with some non-related stuff yesterday and was quiet and withdrawn not sure how to handle it. I just wanted to be home alone and not have to be out socialising but it wasnt to be. I ended the day with a good cry after Peter had gone to bed.
The Universe works in strange ways and has delivered to me a helping hand at the expense of another. It is truly wierd yet its seems to speak to me about moving forward from here on.
On Saturday my mum was pretty down about some not-so-good health news she had just received. I listened to her news, offered some tips and advice before deciding it was better that her GP do that (LOL) and then continued to rush through the weekend as I usually do without the significance of her news sinking in.
So this morning in the peace and calm of my walk, shower and getting ready I was struck by the significance of her news. Her latest round of medical tests showed she has high blood sugar. Of course she'll be back to see her GP this week but it sounds like she has pre-diabetes (I'm sure she's not diabetic.) I'm so proud of her saying that she will, if allowed refuse medication and try to rectify or control this through diet. I just hope she sticks with it and doesnt succumb to the drugs if diet modification gets too hard.
Its only been a short time but I've thought long and hard about this and her (yes I'm struggling to focus on work today!!). She is not overweight (just not in good shape due to lack of exercise and a subsequent lack of muscle tone.) I dont want to judge her diet because at 75 years of age your priorities and motivation are different to when you're in your 40s, 50s or earlier. And if she is pre-diabetic then she will be the first on my side of the family.
So how does this translate into a helping hand for me? Well it really hit home just how potentially destructive my binging habits could be for health reasons (not to mention the emotional aspect). Whilst at this age I'm still very healthy and can maintain a healthy weight through exercise and mindful, balanced eating - there is no doubt that every binging episode makes a serious withdrawal from my bank account of good choices. What I dont want is to get 5, 10, or 15 years down the track and face the same fate because I regularly went on some massive cake-and-other-crappy-carbs eating benders.
So I have made a decision to cut the crappy carbs and be more minful around having sweet treats. And the next time I am on the verge of a carb laden binge attack I'll ask myself if the prospect of pre-diabetes is one that I'm prepared to entertain down the track.
Food for thought.
M
The Universe works in strange ways and has delivered to me a helping hand at the expense of another. It is truly wierd yet its seems to speak to me about moving forward from here on.
On Saturday my mum was pretty down about some not-so-good health news she had just received. I listened to her news, offered some tips and advice before deciding it was better that her GP do that (LOL) and then continued to rush through the weekend as I usually do without the significance of her news sinking in.
So this morning in the peace and calm of my walk, shower and getting ready I was struck by the significance of her news. Her latest round of medical tests showed she has high blood sugar. Of course she'll be back to see her GP this week but it sounds like she has pre-diabetes (I'm sure she's not diabetic.) I'm so proud of her saying that she will, if allowed refuse medication and try to rectify or control this through diet. I just hope she sticks with it and doesnt succumb to the drugs if diet modification gets too hard.
Its only been a short time but I've thought long and hard about this and her (yes I'm struggling to focus on work today!!). She is not overweight (just not in good shape due to lack of exercise and a subsequent lack of muscle tone.) I dont want to judge her diet because at 75 years of age your priorities and motivation are different to when you're in your 40s, 50s or earlier. And if she is pre-diabetic then she will be the first on my side of the family.
So how does this translate into a helping hand for me? Well it really hit home just how potentially destructive my binging habits could be for health reasons (not to mention the emotional aspect). Whilst at this age I'm still very healthy and can maintain a healthy weight through exercise and mindful, balanced eating - there is no doubt that every binging episode makes a serious withdrawal from my bank account of good choices. What I dont want is to get 5, 10, or 15 years down the track and face the same fate because I regularly went on some massive cake-and-other-crappy-carbs eating benders.
So I have made a decision to cut the crappy carbs and be more minful around having sweet treats. And the next time I am on the verge of a carb laden binge attack I'll ask myself if the prospect of pre-diabetes is one that I'm prepared to entertain down the track.
Food for thought.
M
Saturday, November 5, 2011
PART B - A LETTER TO MYSELF
Dearest Magda,
I know you've had a particularly tough week not just with work pressure but also slipping back into old habits that you thought you'd left behind. I know you feel like this has been an epic fail on your behalf and deep down your disappointment is brewing
Magda don't be hard on yourself. Everybody has bad times, hard times, setbacks. The key is not letting it beat you but picking yourself up, dusting yourself off and getting on with all the good you know and instinctively do. Now more than ever, be kind to yourself, remind yourself how far you came and how you did it mainly on your own. Look in the mirror with love and admiration for both your physical and spiritual self. You know this is far more powerful and positive than other options.
DO NOT fall back into the old diet mentality thinking it is the answer. It's not and you know you've done really well without it. You'll do really well again. You know what has worked for you, take it and build on it so it keeps working for you.
When the negative voices try to take control, check in with yourself, your values, your beliefs and pick up where you left off. You are kind, caring, hard working and giving. Embrace your wonderfullness, leave your doubts behind and go and nail this beast once and for all.
Your best friend.
I know you've had a particularly tough week not just with work pressure but also slipping back into old habits that you thought you'd left behind. I know you feel like this has been an epic fail on your behalf and deep down your disappointment is brewing
Magda don't be hard on yourself. Everybody has bad times, hard times, setbacks. The key is not letting it beat you but picking yourself up, dusting yourself off and getting on with all the good you know and instinctively do. Now more than ever, be kind to yourself, remind yourself how far you came and how you did it mainly on your own. Look in the mirror with love and admiration for both your physical and spiritual self. You know this is far more powerful and positive than other options.
DO NOT fall back into the old diet mentality thinking it is the answer. It's not and you know you've done really well without it. You'll do really well again. You know what has worked for you, take it and build on it so it keeps working for you.
When the negative voices try to take control, check in with yourself, your values, your beliefs and pick up where you left off. You are kind, caring, hard working and giving. Embrace your wonderfullness, leave your doubts behind and go and nail this beast once and for all.
Your best friend.
Friday, November 4, 2011
MY RESPONSE AND THANKS
Oh boy!!! Sorry this might be epic so I'll understand if you tune out or hit the "skip" button.
Firstly: apologies for throwing my issue out there and then not blogging. I have spent the last two days analysing project budgets, depreciation, cash flows, CPIs, asset values in all forms and anything else that has a dollar value relevant to my work. I have crunched numbers to the nth degree, compiled mammoth spreadsheets, played around with budget logic and spent two late nights achieving all this. It has been huge and hence my absence from here. Case closed (for now).
Guys I am overwhelmed by the responses I've had to my blog post - both public and private. I thank each and every one of you for taking the time to share your thoughts, experiences and encouragement with and for me. I confess to a few moments of "I should have just shut up and worked this out for myself" but to me that also inadvertently says "I'll just put on a false front and pretend everything is ok" - which translates into a lie. So my take is "whats the point of lying or giving false pretence?" I'd rather tell it warts and all.
My thanks goes out to:
Kristy rarely blog these days but we keep in touch via email. When she sees that I'm struggling or going through a rough patch she'll email me to offer her support, encouragement and advice. We often have a very honest exchange about this stuff and I'm grateful for the fact that she's there for me to talk to.
Liz sees things from a scientific and facts based perspective and I can relate to that. The analogy of the paper crease made me think that was exactly how I felt right now. I was returning to my old habits that were so ingrained but right now I'm not sure that vigilance or avoiding trigger foods is my solution. However I think there is a lot of truth is Liz's statement that reversing the behaviours takes a long time. A few months ago I thought I had (reversed the behaviours) but I no longer feel that way.
Frankie and I are vastly different on this front but thats not to say that what she does works for her. Hey, there are girls out there who live for and relish the body building lifestyle (SO not me any more). What is very obvious is that different things motivate different people. Different things work for different people. Person A (Frankie) might be completely happy doing X (ketogenic diet) whereas Person B (me) might feel like she's dying on it. I still appreciate the comment as it gives me comfort knowing that I can / must choose what is right for ME.
Sandra and I share the "eat too much" gene :-) As wierd as this sounds .... when I have a binge, O.M.G. I LOVE the food. Sometimes I think I binge just to enjoy the sweet and fatty tastes. But I know I can do really well without the structure and rules and without avoiding trigger foods .... it just doesnt seem to be the case now.
Thank you Shelley for sharing your perspective and putting it in a way that is relevant to me :-) I have thought a lot about your comment and coupled with my current readings (I'm up to page 86) it gives me hope that I too will get there one day (I just wish it was NOW).
BTW I know for me its not about the food and my work with Maddie (my Sports Psyche) confirmed this. I remember her repeating over and over "binging is not about the food, its about the thought process that goes with it".
Miss Tank (Fern) you have me going straight to google kinesiology. Yes I would like to know more about it (I might PM you on FB). I thought my sessions with the SP had "cured me" but this is not the case now.
Pip much of what you say resonates with me and has worked well for me (core values, limited rules, freedom to make choices). You say "I felt smug as well earlier this year again. I didn't binge or even feel the urge to for months earlier this year and didn't feel like I was 'dieting', just mindful."
Yep that was me to a T. Perhaps the lesson is "lifetime commitment and accept that it can be done but it takes constant vigilance, awareness and moderate restraint."
I have a bit more to write but will save it for part 2 as its now quite late and my mind is not as clear nor sharp. And anyway, after another sleep or two, who knows what brilliance I'll come up with.
Thanks for reading and being there to help me.
:-) M
Firstly: apologies for throwing my issue out there and then not blogging. I have spent the last two days analysing project budgets, depreciation, cash flows, CPIs, asset values in all forms and anything else that has a dollar value relevant to my work. I have crunched numbers to the nth degree, compiled mammoth spreadsheets, played around with budget logic and spent two late nights achieving all this. It has been huge and hence my absence from here. Case closed (for now).
Guys I am overwhelmed by the responses I've had to my blog post - both public and private. I thank each and every one of you for taking the time to share your thoughts, experiences and encouragement with and for me. I confess to a few moments of "I should have just shut up and worked this out for myself" but to me that also inadvertently says "I'll just put on a false front and pretend everything is ok" - which translates into a lie. So my take is "whats the point of lying or giving false pretence?" I'd rather tell it warts and all.
My thanks goes out to:
Kristy rarely blog these days but we keep in touch via email. When she sees that I'm struggling or going through a rough patch she'll email me to offer her support, encouragement and advice. We often have a very honest exchange about this stuff and I'm grateful for the fact that she's there for me to talk to.
Liz sees things from a scientific and facts based perspective and I can relate to that. The analogy of the paper crease made me think that was exactly how I felt right now. I was returning to my old habits that were so ingrained but right now I'm not sure that vigilance or avoiding trigger foods is my solution. However I think there is a lot of truth is Liz's statement that reversing the behaviours takes a long time. A few months ago I thought I had (reversed the behaviours) but I no longer feel that way.
Frankie and I are vastly different on this front but thats not to say that what she does works for her. Hey, there are girls out there who live for and relish the body building lifestyle (SO not me any more). What is very obvious is that different things motivate different people. Different things work for different people. Person A (Frankie) might be completely happy doing X (ketogenic diet) whereas Person B (me) might feel like she's dying on it. I still appreciate the comment as it gives me comfort knowing that I can / must choose what is right for ME.
Sandra and I share the "eat too much" gene :-) As wierd as this sounds .... when I have a binge, O.M.G. I LOVE the food. Sometimes I think I binge just to enjoy the sweet and fatty tastes. But I know I can do really well without the structure and rules and without avoiding trigger foods .... it just doesnt seem to be the case now.
Thank you Shelley for sharing your perspective and putting it in a way that is relevant to me :-) I have thought a lot about your comment and coupled with my current readings (I'm up to page 86) it gives me hope that I too will get there one day (I just wish it was NOW).
BTW I know for me its not about the food and my work with Maddie (my Sports Psyche) confirmed this. I remember her repeating over and over "binging is not about the food, its about the thought process that goes with it".
Miss Tank (Fern) you have me going straight to google kinesiology. Yes I would like to know more about it (I might PM you on FB). I thought my sessions with the SP had "cured me" but this is not the case now.
Pip much of what you say resonates with me and has worked well for me (core values, limited rules, freedom to make choices). You say "I felt smug as well earlier this year again. I didn't binge or even feel the urge to for months earlier this year and didn't feel like I was 'dieting', just mindful."
Yep that was me to a T. Perhaps the lesson is "lifetime commitment and accept that it can be done but it takes constant vigilance, awareness and moderate restraint."
I have a bit more to write but will save it for part 2 as its now quite late and my mind is not as clear nor sharp. And anyway, after another sleep or two, who knows what brilliance I'll come up with.
Thanks for reading and being there to help me.
:-) M
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
DROWNING IN WORK
Hi all,
I promise to be back very soon but right now I'm drowning in work and anything I write will be thrown together in 2 minutes. Your comments and advice - all much appreciated - deserve more.
Thanks guys and I look forward to some blogging time in a day or so.
M
I promise to be back very soon but right now I'm drowning in work and anything I write will be thrown together in 2 minutes. Your comments and advice - all much appreciated - deserve more.
Thanks guys and I look forward to some blogging time in a day or so.
M
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