Monday, February 21, 2011

SOUL SEARCHING AND MAKING DECISIONS

It hasnt taken much soul seraching for me to be clear about what I want and why I want it. I just needed to be sure that my decision was coming from a place of due thought and consideration as opposed to a flight of fancy, caught up in the whirl of impulsiveness.

In January of this year I made a commitment to myself that I would get my eating under control and get my weight to a level that I was happy and comfortable with. I worked hard to get my thinking right, my headset positive and have my plan of attack pretty clear in my head. Then I got on with it and DID IT. Every day I made choices and decisions that supported me getting to my goal. It almost came naturally. It certainly didnt feel like I was struggling or feeling deprived.

Then two things went wry and I slipped slightly off my course. Firstly I became complacent and started to relax a bit too much with my food choices. You know what I mean cause we've all done it "a little bit of this" or "I've done lots of running so I'm sure this wont do any harm" or just having that bit too much of something that tastes really good. After several weeks of being very focussed I became less focussed and .... complacent.

Secondly - and this is the greater of the two evils ... I became obsessed with the scale readings. I'd hop on 2 or 3 or more times a week lately. This just doesnt work for me and all was good when I'd weigh weekly and then forget about it. You see I'd become all numbers obsessed which is SO NOT what this is about. Yes I want to see a lower number on that damned machine but at the end of the day its about the following:

feeling good about myself because I'm taking good care of my physical self
feeling calm because I'm not torturing my mind and body through destructive behaviours
feeling light and fast(ish) on my runs which increases my enjoyment of running
knowing that I can approach my wardrobe in the morning and not have to look for the fat clothes
enjoying shopping for new clothes
setting a good example for my son about healthy eating and exercise
and on a totally vain note I admit I love it when people say "wow you look good for your age"

So I know its truly time to refocus and recommit. And I do it with sincerity and a renewed sense of purpose. My original medium term goal is to run the HM at 60 - 62 kg and this is what I'm committing to working towards. It feels wrong to give up whn I'm only half way there.

Will I reach my short term goal of sub 65 by the end of February? I'm not sure as its only a week away and I'm not prepared to do anything drastic or stupid to achieve it but I'll focus on eating well and doing my training and we'll see what MM does in return.

Geez I feel good now. Putting yesterday behind me and charging forward again ..... WOOHOO ....sub 62 or bust LOL.

M

3 comments:

  1. Isn't a great feeling once we have made a decision Magda :)

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  2. Hi Magda,

    My reasons about being healthy/controlled etc ya know are exactly the same as yours! To a tee haha! And seeing some new fitness improvements such as faster running times, more strength etc is the name of the game too.

    As for goal weight..........I'd love to ultimately sit between 60-62kg too. I remember when I was 17 for a while I was 59-60kg and again for a few months at age 21, (not since then though). I never timed myself but remembered I ran fast, couldn't do a pushup on my toes though! I had a gym assessment once at age 17 one arvo and weighed in at 59.6kg and 16% BF and thought that was rather good! I ate carbs etc then, just portion control, loads of vegies and active lifestyle and running. I have mentioned all the drastic yoyoing/bingeing etc since.

    I'd be happy to settle in the 65-68kg vicinity with body fat of maybe around 25%. Haven't managed getting below 68kg since 2006 and that was very temporarily till next fall off wagon! I'd be a size 10-12 I guess. However it's more about sustaining the a goal orientated fun productive healthy lifestyle where I'm in control. 60-62kg and strong would totally rock..........but again not if it causes me to not be able to put enough effort into training and to undertake totally drastic methods.

    73.2kg as of yesterday, I'm just targeting myself to lose 2kg a month hoping to be under 67-68kg by start of June and around 65ish kg by half marathon in July! Will see haha!

    See you soon in Adelaide, can't wait!

    Pip :-)

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  3. Hey Pip, I cant wait to meet you. We'll probably be finishing each other's sentences, we are so alike LOL.

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