Tonight I attended the informal graduation for my management training course done last year. Although I saw everyone a week ago when we did our final project presentations, it was lovely to be back tonight celebrating our successful completion of the course.
During the course of the evening I got talking to the Director of the MBA (Master of Business Administration) course that I'm sort of enrolled in (the Grad Cert BA is nested within the MBA). I was speaking honestly to him about finding the accounting module quite hard and being worried about the volume of material we were covering and worried about how much of it I could retain. His first bit of advice back was totally off the mark as he spoke about people who just weren't good with numbers. Well that's not me. Numbers don't scare me. I've held finance and audit positions before and felt very comfortable in them.
So then he picked up on my use of the word 'worried' in expressing my concerns and picked up on my fear. Fear about my perceived inability to learn the material. Fear about the future. Irrational fear. It's a shame we couldn't talk this through as the award ceremony was starting but I could see where he was going with it.
I am scared. I'm scared of failing and the feelings that will come with it. I'm scared that I won't be well enough prepared, that I'll have a brain fade on exam day, that I just won't get it right. The consequences are significant in terms of time and money. Yet again, the pressure is on.
But in order to give myself any chance to succeed, I've got to let this fear go. I've got to find self confidence, self belief and move forward with a healthy, positive mindset. That is my challenge.
Interestingly, out of a group of approximately 25 people doing the course last year, only 2 of us are continuing with our study (one more will resume in May). Perhaps being one of the two, makes me a winner already. At least I'm giving it a go. What's that saying ..... No matter how slow you're moving, you're still lapping all those sitting on the couch LOL.
M
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