Hi,
well I'm not going to beat about the bush, sugar coat stuff or dumb it down. I'm just going to tell it like it is. This is me. This is where I'm at and I dont like it.
February has sucked. I've spent most of the month feeling stressed, depressed and in a bad mood. It feels like every step forward in January has been more than doubled backwards in February. Although I've come to accept the limits of my injury and am adjusting to working within those limits, I still feel like I'm drowning, my time and energy being eaten up by my study load.
I've tried to balance my family life, my me-time and my study at a level thats kept me sane but it hasnt worked. The workload is massive, requiring several blocks of several hours of work to stay on top of it. Then there's the group assignment that I'm very conscious of contributing to in terms of quality and quantity seeing as the group cut me some slack while I finished work on last year's project. To survive and complete this module will require even more time being devoted to study and I can see late nights becoming the norm. And late nights mean no early mornings, mean no exercise :-(
I'm not sure how I'm coping with my day job as I've had an IT problem thats left me with a PC functioning at about 20-30% since last Wednesday. I've patiently followed up my request for IT support every day but today it was a case of "this needs to be fixed NOW." I've had so much time away from the office too - chiro, X rays, eye test (I need new glasses for reading), a day sick. Its just as well that I've had lots of runs on the board to date as I certainly havent scored many in the last few weeks.
But at the heart of all this are two major issues that are not sitting well with me at all. Whilst I can whinge on and on about how hard the study is, I remind myself that I've taken it on because I wanted a qualification that would help me to progress my career. But qualifications and career advancement come at a price - less time with my family, depression and bad moods and a negative effect on my health.
And speaking about my health, the honest truth is I just dont have the energy to devote to it. I know it shouldnt be hard, it should be second nature, something you do instinctively, but its not. For me, it still requires effort, energy, planning and focussing on a positive headset. When all I want to do right now is crawl away from the crowds and sleep.
So I ask myself, does the cost (of the study) outweigh the benefit? And even when the answer is 'no', I'm committed (financially and professionally) and need to see it through. End of story :-(
M
Hi Magda
ReplyDeleteI can totally sympathise with you. It is so hard to find a balance without sacrificing something. Just listen to your very inner voice. Do you feel that you really want to continue and just need to find a way to make it work, or has it definitely got to the point where it is way too hard and just not worth it. Stop punishing yourself for what you can't do at the moment. Your body will definitely appreciate a healthy diet even if you can't exercise.
All the best!! xx
Hi Magda,
ReplyDeleteKeep at it, you will find your balance. Gillian is right, treat your body with nourishing food, even if your training is limited to weekends.
xx
Magda - the last two sentences are hard to take
ReplyDelete"I'm committed (financially and professionally) and need to see it through. End of story "...
It's always a worry when someone finds themselves in this situation of no going back, but in your case in particular as you are neglecting what matters most - your own health and your work/family balance.
I wish I had some advice for you... All I can say is take care and I'm thinking of you my friend.xo
Hi Magda! Oh, Feb has been a tough month for you. I really feel for you and am thinking of you lots. I hope you regain some more life balance soon.
ReplyDeleteI know how hard working and committed you are across all areas of life. When you attain your qualification you will feel so stoked. I'm sure your family are so proud of you. You are doing great!
:-)
Think I may just do a Feb round up now!
Thanks for your kind words Gillian. It really is a case of making this work so I have to give it my best shot. I know this hardship and darkness will pass. I just hate being so consumed by it.
ReplyDeleteHi Liz, like I said to Gillian, the hardship and darkness will pass - or ate least wane. I know I can help it along by eating well yet I struggle with old habits (as you know).
Yes Sandra, it feels like its a case of surviving this out til August and then reconnecting with whats REALLY important to me. Hopefully the next module is a bit lighter than the current one. Oh lordy, if I'm back on here week after week grizzling away and feeling sorry for myself LOL.
Pip, I'd go as far as to say Feb has been a sh*tty month. I've hated it. But onwards to a new month, a new attitude and a new challenges and runs on the board (hopefully).