OMG I'm not sure what to make of this weekend. But it sure wasnt a bed of roses.
On Friday night I went to an MBA dinner put on by the uni. One of my colleagues from last year was going to attend with me but he wasnt there on the night. I dont know why. It was a great night but really hard work. Hard work making appropriate conversation. Hard work meeting new people. Hard work trying to fit in with the uni staff and the MBA students with dreams, ambitions and self confidence.
Saturday was spent in the usual whirl of ice skating lessons during which I do the pre-reading for Wednesday's accounting class, followed by dropping my boy at my mum's, grocery shopping, packing the groceries away and then going to my SIL's for her birthday dinner. Saturday night came with a couple of surprises - one VERY surprising and I was glad I wasnt drinking so I could take things on board and think about them.
I made the decision to train again today and went to Bikram yoga so as not to waste my 10 class pass. I was a disaster. Inflexible. Right groin giving way. Sharp pains in my lower back. Neck stiff and sore. I sat out the triangle pose but found it hard to control my thoughts and emotions and I could feel the tears coming. After the 2 minute savasana I decided to pack my things and go home early. I worked on my assignment luckily only having easy tidying up to do. But in the afternoon I dropped the boys at the cricket and went to a coffee shop to do my accounting prep. I dont know if it was just my headspace being so crappy or maybe I am dumb but I just wasnt getting this lesson. Again, tears coming. Feeling miserable and helpless but putting on a brave face when picking up my boys.
My evening has been a rush of housework (and its still not all done), haircut for my boy, dinner prep and clean up, making lunches and on and on it goes. Only after 9pm did I manage to numb out on FB and Blogger, unable to stop the downward spiral.
I read so many blogs and FB status updates from people who have their shit together. They have goals and they go after them. They are motivated and disciplined. They work hard. They know that a positive attitude goes a long way in helping them reach their goals. They have a set of principles that they live and die by. They are successful.
And then I look at myself in my downward spiral. Sigh.
M
Don't you DARE fall into the trap of comparing yourself with all the "successful" bloggers, Magda. You know damn well that most of them aren't telling the whole story.... We all have difficult periods - sometimes they last for bloody years!
ReplyDeleteAll you can do is persevere and focus on what's right for YOU right now. Have faith. As a friend of mine always says "This too shall pass".
x
I agree with Kerryn, I suspect a lot of bloggers don't tell it like it is...geez, it's taken me six months of crap to finally admit all is not well...but the main thing is you're NOT alone (as you'd know, faithful reader of my blog that you are)...always here for you. xo
ReplyDeleteHope you are feeling better today Magda!
ReplyDeleteI'd much rather honesty than the "I'm so fabulous!" BS any day. Hang in there. As Kek said, this time will pass.
ReplyDeleteAww Magda,
ReplyDeleteSounds like a whirlwind of a weekend, (call it that) with no time for yourself to chill. To top it off I bet that was frustrating about the Bikram yoga. I can understand your frustration with your study......but you have been doing well so far and I know you will continue to do so. Anyway I think you are amazing.....and achieving awesome things!
Well........I think I'm now about 2kg lighter now and totally detoxed from what I was Friday night haha! I came down with some stomach bug or food poisoning Sat arvo which saw me um 'at it both ends' for about 20 hours! Hadn't had a bug like that for a few years! Grudged it to work today as I do.......all clean food, lots of water, no sugar, junk, overeating or even caffeine, (coffee) all day. Can't ruin 'the clean out' now.
How are you gorgeous girl???
ReplyDeleteMiss you
xo