Hi and welcome to my second instalment LEARNING TO LIVE IN THE GREY. This one is particularly relevant and important to me.
First off let me explain where this post comes from and more accurately, where I've come from.
In the past I have viewed my eating behaviour as pretty black and white. This perception was with me from an early age as I struggled with my weight throughout my teens. I remember a very kind and caring GP telling me a long time ago that "it didnt have to be all or nothing." To be honest, back then I didnt know what he meant by that.
30 years on and I know EXACTLY what he meant but I still have black and white moments - sometimes weeks (but I'm working on that.).
So here is what black is for me. Its falling into a binging state where one bite is too many and a thousand are not enough. Its eating for the sake of oral pleasure and never registering "enough". Its letting the food take control and rendering myself powerless. With these come a lot of black feelings and thoughts. Its not nice. Black is also being totally obsessive about dieting. Not just following an eating plan but obsessing over it by weighing everything, recording everything, analysing everything and "oh my god I cant eat that because I havent weighed it or measured it and maybe the person who prepared it used oil or butter .....". Yep I've been there too and again its a bloody depressing existence.
Then you have the opposite ... white. White is just the opposite end of that spectrum but with a whole different set of pitfalls. Being "saintly" with food but then not being able to maintain it. Convincing myself that I'm a failure when I fall off the "saintly" pedestal and "Oh look I'm back in the black."
But between the black and the white there is a large patch of grey where balance, sanity and happiness live. In that grey there is eating healthy food most of the time but enjoying treats in moderation. There is also a way to eat with some discipline that is comfortable and easy to maintain. My mission is to find my patch of grey. I've had it, lost it, had it and lost it again but I know its there for me to claim. Striving for perfection is a waste of time. Striving for balance gets my tick.
If you've found your grey, I'd love to hear about it or share your experience in looking for it.
Instalment three: KEEP IT SIMPLE will be my next post.
Here's my take:
ReplyDeleteYou're 'living in the grey' when the food choices you make consider both the short and the long term effect. eg your sinner - eats for immediate gratification, rebellious etc and your saint - you want to look hot and it's not an overnight project.
You need both :)
eg today I have been especially hungry and decided to eat a bit extra, even though I hadn't planned it. Rather than beating myself up for being physically hungry (which doesn't make any sense, but some do) I ate half a protein cookie and felt a million times better. Looking at the short term - you want to feel better physically, Long term 60cal worth of cookie is not going to affect your condition today, tomorrow, in a week or in a year.
Definitely a balance :)
I wholeheartedly agree, Magda... remember this? http://keksbflthing.blogspot.com/2009/06/living-in-grey.html
ReplyDeleteThanks for prompting me to go back and revisit a couple of my own posts. God, where has my brain been the past few months? LOL
Liz I like the sinner and saint analogy and agree that there needs to be balance between the two. Life would be too boring if we NEVER ate for immediate gratification but its the losing control that propels us into the black.
ReplyDeleteWe all have moments when our brains go AWOL Kek. As long as we wake up, smell the coffee and get stuck into the job at hand thats what matters.