FROM HERE ON .....

..... I'm doing things a little different. When the dust settled and the the calm returned and logic and commonsense prevailed again I had a bit of a think about what had caused me to get into the negative and destructive slump of last week and a half. It was quite easy to figure out so I'm confident (fingers crossed) that it'll be as easy to change.

Firstly I had fallen back into a diet mentality which had me obsessing with the scale number. Yes I was telling myself that I wasnt on a diet blah blah blah yet on the other hand I was treating the scale number as the be all and end all. I know I'm smarter than that but its such an easy trap to fall into, especially when indeed I was trying hard to lose weight. So when it (the scale number) didnt go the way I wanted it to, I fell back into the trap of a string of negative thoughts and ended up binging.

Secondly I had become really bored with what I was eating. Yes it was all food I like / love but it was boring and "good" and it added fuel to my diet mentality. I desperately wanted to break out, to rebel and when I did, I was out of control.

So a few changes are in order some physical and some mental which I need to work on consistently. To break this "diet mentality" I plan to:

1. Practice the "M" work everyday - MODERATION. Every day I plan to have a food that I would normally consider a treat and therefore avoid like the plague - or eat until I was bursting. It might just be a small biscuit with my cappuccino, a Ferrero Rocher after dinner, a couple of bits of almond bread or a glass of wine (when I'd normally not have any). The key is to get used to having this treat in a reasonable quantity without feeling like one mouthful is too many and a thousand are not enough (I credit Liz  with this clever little saying).

2. I will stay away from the Metal Monster until early July and stop obsessively weighing myself and taking my measurements. This works for some people but not me. Experience has shown that every time I put myself under this type of pressure, it backfires and I end up losing weight and then quickly gaining it back. Every time this happens, it conjures up thoughts of failure and frustration and I dont want to live my life always coming back to those negative feelings.

When I was REALLY honest with myself I realised that as long as I ate well (but not necessarily 100% of the time or 100% "well") and exercised regularly I felt good about myself and was at peace with my body. I didnt need to be ?? kilos or have ??% body fat or look like a fitness model to be happy within myself. And in that mindset of eating well and thereby nurturing myself I found I could tackle just about anything and know that I'd be ok. Its such a great, positive place to be and one where I desire to spend a lot more time.

I've also decided to keep a (private) journal where I'll track my thoughts and feelings as I'm sure there'll be stuff that I dont want to blog about. Yet it'll be stuff that I'll need to work through, trial and see how it goes. My journal will also hold the information from my SP and some key information that will help me with this quest.

Yes I'm tackling my emotional eating problem one step at a time (well there are 3 here but its a manageable chunk, I believe) but I can no longer pretend that its all ok. I'm finally realising that if I want different, I need to do different. Let the new journey continue.

:-)