THE COMEBACK

Well it's official. I've signed up with Pat Carroll to train for the 2011 Greenbelt Half to be held on 1 May. He knows what I've come thru and where Im at now and that I'm really keen to run another Half so we're going to start gently and then ramp it up next year.

I've given this a LOT of thought and have a 4 pronged plan of attack to give me the best chance of success.

STEP ONE: Engage Pat for a training program, accountability and encouragement / motivation when the going gets tough. This box is ticked and I should have my program any day now so I'm no longer in limbo thinking about it. It's time to DO.

STEP TWO: Keep my body as healthy as possible thru rehab exercises, physio visits, more regular massages and resting legs on non running days. Just accept that I'm no longer invincible and that lots of care and planning has to go into this.

STEP THREE: Eat like a runner and let go of the traditional body building diet. Fueling my body correctly for runs and recovery will be integral to my success and I want to get this right. So I'll be enlisting the help of Kerith Duncanson (affiliated with Pat) a registered dietician to help me lose a few kegs and have me in great shape for my training and race day.

STEP FOUR: Mental preparation. Never lose sight of my goal and the steps I need to take to achieve it. I've got some good tools up my sleeve and I'm developing more. I'm quietly confident that I'm gonna nail some stuff that I've been struggling with in the last few months.

This is a BIG thing for me. I was a one hit wonder at body building but the Halfs just feel 'so right'. I hope you stay with me thru this next phase in the journey of my life. I'm looking forward to it, that's for sure.

Magda

THE RUNNERS' HIGH

Today I did an hour run for the first time in several months. Psychologically I was ready for it. Physically I was ready too. I headed off of doing the uphill stretch first at an easy jog pace. All felt good. At the 40 minute mark and now on a downhill stretch, the endorphins kicked in. OMG I havent felt them for SO long and I'd almost forgotten how good they feel. I picked up my pace so that I was running. My pulse headed back up around the 90% of my max but I've built my fitness up to handle this. I was well fueled (thanks to a generous portion of carbs last night). There was no stopping me. I kept running for the remaining 20 minutes and then walked about 3 or 4 to get home.

I needed nothing more to put me into a fantastic frame of mind for the day. I have achieved my November goal and I feel great.

M

LETS CELEBRATE THE POSITIVES IN OUR LIVES

Tomorrow I will run for 1 hour for the first time in several months (well a few anyway). I know I can do it. I just hope I pull up ok afterwards as that is my risk period.

The hour run will be a big psychological milestone for me. It signals a positive return to a healthy and fit me with opportunities to achieve some more challenges. It excites me and that is a good feeling.

I have some great blogger (and real life friends) who, when I need it, throw some really good advice my way. Sometimes I need to hear things from an objective and non emotional viewpoint to realise how much sense they make. There will be some changes and some things implemented that I believe will improve my life further. Not ground breaking stuff but little steps in the right direction. And we all know that if you take enough little steps, you make progress.

I'm happy to put this week behind me. It hasnt been all bad but its really tested me and the lead up to my Christmas holidays will get busier with each passing day. I have NO time to suffer fools and I must remember what is important in my life and not neglect those things:

1. Being a good wife and mother. Having a happy family and knowing that the things I do for them make a positive difference.

2. My rehab. It might be boring. It might be a case of "oh I cant be bothered." But its gotta be done, at least once a day. This is the positive long term view and not the short term instant gratification thats too easy to fall into.

3. Regular training. Slothdom is draining and self esteem destroying. Deep down I know its not an option.

4. Eating healthy. A no-brainer. I could write a book about this one but I think you all know why this is so important so I wont blow on about it.

I havent been committed to my Nailing November goals but I havent swung madly the other way on them either. Today I completed 8 weeks of being sugar free. Its amazing what you can achieve when you put your mind to it. I'm loving the feeling of not throwing that junk (sugar) into my body. Today I started another human science experiment which I'll blog about later, if I keep it up.

But its now time to enjoy the weekend and love every moment that we are alive on this planet. Things could be a LOT worse so lets celebrate all the positives in our lives.

Cheers all

Magda

SURVIVING

Yesterday was a dreadful day.

I was stressed to the max over a work issue.

I was disappointed in myself, frustrated with myself and messages of "I'm a failure" were dominating my mind.

But I ate the (healthy) food I had brought in with me and .....
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.
.
.
.
.
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. I DID NOT BINGE. (Every cloud has a sliver lining)

GOING WITH THE FLOW

Today was a walk day so as not to overdo things and put myself a few steps back. Its encouraging to notice that when walking its hard to get my pulse rate into my training zone. I'm a bit of a dreamer when I walk and often forget to monitor my pace. Hence I end up going a bit slower and combine that with improved fitness and its not as effective a workout. Plus where I live its mainly flat with only a slight incline in one direction.

I'm religiously doing my rehab exercises which are taking up a considerable chunk of my morning time. However I know how important they are and so the time has to be invested. Normally I blow off stuff like that but not this time.

Food is once again pretty good. I'm not stressing about following any particular program or way of eating, having recently dabbled in some specific programs. I even dragged out my Tosca Reno Eat Clean Diet book which I think is pretty good and sensible. However there are few of her rules that I'm just not prepared to do: black coffee (blaaaah tried it and HATE IT); no alcohol (as if!!!! I love my wine and while I'm prepared to cut back how much I have, going cold turkey is not for me); plus packing a cooler bag every day reminds me of comp prep and I want to be more relaxed with my food. So yep she has good advice about healthy food but too many rules for my liking. So I've fallen into a bit of a go-with-the-flow approach and its feeling good.

MY OWN HUMAN SCIENCE EXPERIMENT AND MY NEXT BIG GOAL IS BREWING

I was only too glad to see the back of last week. In terms of my health, fitness and emotional wellbeing it was pretty disastrous on all fronts. What it did reinforce to me in no uncertain terms is the strong connection between mind and body. When I was in a bad place feeling depressed about my rejection and letting that snowball into an avalanche of other negative feelings and beliefs, ironically my back and glute area started to ache again. I had been virtually pain free just before that so it was pretty uncanny. Then to really ice the cake, so to speak, some rubbish eating just made it all worse and voila I'm now working hard to reverse those bad decisions and actions. Lesson learnt? I'd like to think so but there are no guarantees.

Fortunately over the weekend the tides turned and my mood and attitude lifted back to their normal positive places. It was like a breath of fresh spring air slowly blowing through and taking with it the badness of the week before. I didnt run as much as I would have liked but this was because I had a catch up with the lovely Miss Kerry on Saturday (and might I say she looks so HOT after competing recently at both the state and national levels) and then another friend and her kids on Sunday. I do love being a social butterfly and especially as I hadnt seen Kerry for a good heart to heart for so long.

Monday started well and I nailed a 55 minute run and pulled up ok. I backed it up with another 55 today which may not have been the best idea as I pulled up sore and nervous about just how long I can run and still manage the after effects. Its a bit of trial and error at the moment and I'm almost my own human science experiment which I quite enjoy. I've learnt so much since my injury ruled out any running and now I'm playing with what I know and what I do to manage the injury. I liken it to cooking where I have a recipe but I need to adjust the seasonings and some of the ingredients to suit my tastes. I hope the end product is tasty and just right.

Time will tell if I nail it and then look out as I have a big goal brewing. Its hellishly scary, yet exciting too and I'm praying that my stars and planets align and I can pull it off. The fact that I cant stop thinking about it suggests that I really want it but it would be premature to come out about it just yet.

So cruising for now and still pondering the coaching but mindful that it needs to fit around what may be my driving force over the coming months should I take the leap and commit to my goal.

Cheers for now

Magda

A WANTED AD - ALMOST

Maybe I read too much into things?

Maybe I over-analyse?

Maybe I expect too much?

Sometimes you have to think right out of the square and move out of your comfort zone to make the difficult changes. Sometimes you have to admit that you are not an island and you need help.

For several weeks I have been mulling over a decision to work with a mentor / coach. Somebody to help me get the headspace right and teach me how to manage things when it goes haywire. I have a specific list of criteria in what I want AND dont want. Its been a tough search to find the ideal fit but I think I've narrowed it down to 3 options - all VERY different from each other.

My quest continues.

NO PROGRESS IN NOVEMBER

Yeah my headspace is just WRONG. I cant stay focussed or committed. Getting sick of this cycle that keeps repeating itself. I know its up to me but .......

Am I looking in the wrong place? for the wrong thing?

A NEW COMMITMENT

Today I was struck with yet another aha moment (I don't get too many powerful ones but today's was the real mckoy). It's time to make a new commitment as I have done previously when I decided to ditch artificial sweeteners and more recently, sugar. Both of those decisions have helped me in my quest to ditch binge eating or to moderate it's intensity if it does hit. So now it's time to up the ante.

I have really struggled these last few days, battling feelings of not being good enough, being rejected and letting down my employer. I've sought comfort in food which has resulted in too much mindless eating even though I know it's not the answer. So it dawned on me today that there was now another behavior or habit that I had to change to help me get on top of the mindless eating.

I WILL STOP EATING AT MY DESK.I worked out that about 80 percent of my mindless eating is done at my desk in response to feeling stressed, frustrated and sometimes bored. Whilst I know I'm not addressing the cause of the problem (that's a whole other post) I can change my physical circumstances to my reaction. So my new quest and Nailing it in November goal is to not consume food at my desk. Coffee and drinks are ok but not food. I'll eat my lunch in a different spot and snacks too if I need them but NO MORE FOOD AT MY DESK. First goal is to complete one week.

I JUST WANT TO SAY .....

..... a week ago I updated my FB status with "Sometimes life serves you a big bowl of premium ice cream in your favourite flavour with a big fat juicy cherry on top."  This referred to a new project that I started at work and although it was going to be make life REALLY busy, I loved the new challenge.

I really smartened up my act and leaned down a bit for the masquerade ball last weekend. Hence I was quietly proud to put my photos "out there" and thank you to all the bloggers who left me some really lovely comments. (More on that a little later.)

I must admit though that this week has been really tough and not so positive (refer FB post from last night.) Let me explain.

Work had recommended me for a very popular and difficult to get into personal development / leadership course that our department sponsors and therefore (inadvertently ) gets an applicant in every year. I submitted my application earlier this year and was interviewed a few weeks ago. A few people at work knew that I was the "next candidate" and everybody was really excited for me because "it was such a great opportunity" and "I'd get so much out of it."

Well yesterday I received a letter telling me I hadnt been accepted. I was devastated. I wasnt good enough. They had assessed me and decided that I didnt have leadership potential. People doing the course or who had done it previously all said for the interview "Just be yourself. Be genuine." So I was and it didnt get me through. I now hold the honour of the first person from our department to not make the cut. There are SO many negative things going through my head on SO many levels :-(

This is really hard to write and I'm crying (again) as I do so. I've tried hard to focus on my new project so that I deliver it well no matter how much work it takes (and trust me its taking a LOT of extra work). Sadly I havent been as focussed on my health and fitness goals BUT its only been one day.

So this weekend I will regroup and refocus on what I need to do for ME. I know that from now til Christmas my worklife will be extraordinarily busy and demanding so taking the best possible care of me is imperative. And on that note, I cant thank enough those bloggers who left comments on my photos. Pip you have lifted my spirits and made me shed "happy tears" with your lovely comments. Thank you SO MUCH.

Its way too late for me to be up now so I'm off and not sure when I can post again but hopefully my next instalment of Magda's Musings can go up soon.

M

OCTOBER REPORT AND NAILING IT IN NOVEMBER

Apologies for those who dont like long posts but I'll write this one in two chapters (but in one post).

OCTOBER REPORT

All year I've done a monthly report on how I've gone with my diet, training and weight management. I skipped September as there was NOTHING positive to report and I didnt want to talk about my incredible leap backwards on all of those fronts. But in the last week of September I woke up to the fact that I had slipped seriously behind and changing that was totally up to me. There was no point whinging about it, wondering what had happened or thinking about a myriad of options to rectify the situation. IT WAS TIME FOR ACTION.

I put some mini goals in place and realised that it was time to suck it up and ramp up the discipline and consistency if I was going to greet Christmas at a happy weight and not a baby hippo weight. So here is what I've achieved:

DIET / WEIGHT:

In fairness I must point out this has been a 5 week period including the last week of September. My weight loss has been 6 kilos. I had a great drop early and quickly (normal for me) and then a levelling out and even a bit of a rise before I tightened things up for a few days and the sacles moved down again.

As I write this today, I have been sugar free for 39 days. Again not strictly so as I still drink wine or champagne, have a skim cappuccino every day and have foods with natural sugars or traces of sugar. But the big difference has been abolishing cakes, biscuits, ice cream, chocolates, lollies etc. In fact I also havent eaten artificial sweetener for several months now so on that front I'm doing really well.

Has October been binge free? Well in all honesty maybe not 100% but on the 2 or 3 occassions when I overate I would rate the episodes less than 5 on the Richter (Binge) Scale whereas previous binges would rate around the 8 or 9 so I feel good about that improvement. What a difference it makes when sugar is off the menu. For many months now I've continued to struggle with binge eating so to report this is a big leap forward for me :-)

TRAINING:

My "back and all associated muscles" injury had really knocked me for a 6. For weeks I lived with constant pain that was debilitating at times, leaving me depressed and uncertain of what the future could hold for me. From late last year to April of this year I had identified myself as a distance runner and I felt comfortable with that label and that lifestyle. Its like I had found my groove and was building a lifestyle with that as my foundation.

After moping for weeks about my situation I took Liz's advice and found a good physio who has helped me immensely. I have been disciplined and consistent with my rehab exercises and they are paying off even though there were times when I wondered if they were helping at all. I have slowly built up my running times to 40 minutes / session now, taking care to not overdo it by thinking I was invincible and could go from 0 to 100 in no time flat.

Over the coming weeks I'll build up to an hour run by the end of October, after which the possibilities are exciting. But slow and steady continues to be my mantra even to the point of generally running 2 days on and then 1 day off. I know where I want to get but sprinting to my destination is not the best option.

I do Zumba once a week for fun as opposed to it being an excellent workout. My studio is under construction and around mid November I'll be hitting the weights again for upper body work (more on that below.) Then I can work towards my goal of having a nice lean and toned upper body to match my runner's legs LOL.

HEAD SPACE:

I've come to realise that no 4 week period is all smooth sailing. There are rough seas, then calm seas, then rough again. Its called LIFE and you have to roll with it. I'm getting better at this. Previously when things got bad, I'd over-react and think they were REALLY bad but in actual fact they were a bit bad, but they didnt stay that way for long.

I do still have some struggles with the Metal Monster when I'm wanting to lose weight but on that front too, I'm handling things better. As long as the numbers dont send me loopy then thats a good thing LOL.

NAILING IT IN NOVEMBER

A lot of bloggers have jumped onto the "Nailing it in November" quest initiated by Liz. (Sorry, too lazy to link, but you know what I mean.) When I first read about it I couldnt think of anything I wanted "to nail" because overall I was happy with things but since then I've thought of the following and would like to be late entry.

1. NO mindless drinking of alcohol. I know what this means for me without stating rules and restrictions. (Today excepted. Tomorrow will be a much better day.)

2. No delaying getting back into weight training when my studio is functional. Its well known that I'm a Cardio Queen and that getting up close and personal with the iron will require a concerted effort from me.

3. No more than 15 minutes / day spent on personal internet use at work (lunch time excluded.) Yep no more hopping on to catch up on blogs (mine or others) or FB.

So thats it from me for now even though I have a lot more that I want to write but it'll have to wait.

G'night

Magda

ITS NOT OFTEN THAT I GET TO FROCK UP

Here I am frocked up for a ball on Saturday night. I luuuurve getting dressed up and I must admit that I felt pretty fantastic considering where I was 5 weeks ago. I might not be bikini material (now) but this isnt bad considering I'm close to 50 and have been severely restricted in what / how I can train.

I forgot to mention that it was a masquerade ball. A complete stranger complimented me on my dress (bought in a quirky little shop in The Rocks in Sydney many years ago) lifting my spirits even further :-)



A friend leant me this gorgeous hat for MC day. I felt soooo good in it. I was on my way to lunch with work friends / colleagues and I felt like a million bucks (shame I didnt get a pic of my dress which was quite stunning).