35 DAYS - THATS 5 WEEKS .... SUGAR FREE .....

.... WOOHOO!!!

What a difference its made to how I eat, how I feel and what the scales say.

October round up will be a beauty after September being so poor I couldnt bring myself to write about it. Stay tuned folks.

:-) M

FORGIVE. LET GO. AND LOOK FORWARD.

Well lets get back to my series of Magda's Musings with the next instalment: FORGIVE. LET GO. AND MOVE FORWARD.

When I worked with my SP last year, one of the most enlightening things I learnt was how my very high standards and expectations of myself were sabotaging my progress in weight / fat loss. Let me explain.

I was a chronic dieter, following various rigid and strict diets and always expecting that I'd do so to 100%. Yes I was in pursuit of perfection and when I didnt achieve it (which was inevitable) I would really beat myself up over it and convince myself that I was a failure. It was a vicious cycle that was really hard to break.

I worked with the SP to gain a more realistic and achievable outlook and to find a happier middle ground. Once I realised how important this was, I really committed to it. I'll never forget the conversations I had with Maddie where I'd be fretting over a particularly bad eating episode for which I had to beat myself up. She would constantly remind me "its just food." It took a while for this to make sense but now it does.

I'm wiser now. I have bad eating episodes like a lot of other people do (they jusy may not be as open about it). But instead of beating myself up and telling myself how bad or worthless I am, I've learnt to forgive, let it go and move forward. Its not always easy but my experience is showing that when I treat myself with love, compassion and kindness I'm more likely to act positively and to (obviously) feel better. This then leads to more positive behaviours and voila, that negative, downward spiral is no longer ruling my life.

Look its not the be all and end all but I believe it makes a big difference and I therefore focus on it if/when those bad eating episodes hit. Hopefully, over time they will get less and less.

Once again, I welcome your thoughts and comments.

OPERATION RETURN TO RUNNING - PHASE 2

GOAL # 1


By 24 October I plan to be running for 30 minutes at a time. - TICK

I wrote this on Friday 24 September all fired up and ready to blitz the fitness and running world that I was desperate to be a part of again. Yes I have achieved this goal and I feel really good about it. Onwards and upwards from here I hope.

In that post I also mentioned that I had some personal goals that I didnt blog about (because they were to do with my weight). Well I got off to a blitzing start with a heap of weight dropping very quickly and then even though I thought very little changed, the weight loss started to go the other way. Now on the outside I wanted to be a big girl about it and just get on with what I knew I had to do but life is never that simple or straight forward because we - WELL I - have to make it harder.

So yep there was a day of comfort eating with a bit of the "oh whats the point" mentality taking over. This was balanced with some good eating again and then a bit more comfort eating today - after all, I was suffering through the housework. But realistically I know that the glass is still pretty much half full. Why?

Beacuse I havent touched any sugar. Previously, comfort eating, emotional eating , binging - whatever you want to call it - would involve huge quantities of sugary foods and I would spiral out of control until I felt sick and overstuffed from all of the sugary junk. Whereas now, I'm overfull but its taken much less to get me to this state.

I have decided to refocus on my Operation Return to Running and ramp things up a bit so that I keep improving. I have some additional rehab exercises and the ones I've been doing for a few weeks now seem to be working. I love being under the guidance of my physio as she is VERY specific about what exercises I do and why. Now to just get the fat melting off again so that running becomes more of a pleasure and I can reap all of the benefits it provides.

I have a plan for the next four weeks Operation Return to Running - Phase 2 involving some nutrition and training daily targets. I'm writing about the mental side in my next post. I want to see some results and they arent going to happen without a decent effort. I'm not keen to weigh again but I'll have to suck it up and just get the fuck on with it :-)

30 DAYS SUGAR FREE

Well hard to believe that another weekend has drawn to a close. My they disappear in the blink of an eye.

On Friday night I went to dinner with the school mums. It was a great night with lots of chatter about everything imaginable. I dont get along to many social functions due to work commitments but when I can, I love it.

Saturday was very busy. Ignoring that I was on a tight timeline, I headed out for a 35 minute jog with 25 minutes walking added to it. Fantastic effort and so far all good with the jogging. Then I prepared for a family dinner that night. I made a fudgy chocolate cake for dessert (YUK - absolutely no desire to have any myself) and Peter webered a boned leg of lamb (marinated Greek style - olive oil, lemon juice, garlic and black pepper) and some spinach and mushroom stuffed chicken thigh fillets. I did a tray of roast potatoes and steamed some veges and voila - dinner for 9 no problems.

Unfortunately our boy had a pesky bout of diarrhea overnight necessitating my help to clean up the pooey mess he managed to get himself into. Subsequently I had a sleep in this morning and then got stuck into the domestic chores  :-(

Finally I have clocked up 30 days sugar free - if you dont count a little bit of BBQ sauce, chocloate sprinkle on my cappuccino and the sugar in a salad dressing I used previously. All small amounts that I'm not the least bit stressed over. This has made the world of difference to my whole psyche because I have to admit that since Thursday I have struggled to keep my nutrition tight and have overeaten on a couple of occassions. But because I havent fallen into the sugar trap I've managed a better level of control than on previous occassions.

I think I have some evaluating to do soon based on goals set about 4 weeks ago. Time to look back at what I said and how I've fared. Stay tuned folks.

M

THE GAME OF SILLY BUGGERS

This week the MM has decided to play Silly Buggers and reward my hard work with a 1/2 kilo gain. I shake my head bemused at its inconsistency but deep down I know that this is quite normal for me. I lose weight drastically and easily in the first couple of weeks and then it screams to a halt and hovers.

Whilst I have enjoyed some foods that dont qualify as "diet foods" I know they have been in very moderate quantities and have been balanced with lots of lean and clean meals as well. Plus I have walked / walk/jogged or done Zumba consistently so I will persevere and just wait for those numbers to head downwards.

Mind you I'd be lying if I pretended that I still felt great but thats life and I'm determined to deal with this like a big girl and not eat my body weight in junk food "to make me feel better." I guess this is where you no longer feed off motivation but dig deep and just do what needs doing to get the job done.

So to finish on a happy and positive note, I'm at 26 days sugar free (feel GREAT about that!!) and today I did my first continuous run (well Cliff Young Shuffle actually) for 30 minutes. I was sore to start with but the pain eased and I felt ok for most of the run from then on. I hope this is a big leap in my road to recovery and that its all uphill from here.

:-) Magda

TRUST YOURSELF FIRST, OTHERS SECOND

Hi and welcome to the next instalment in my series of "Magda's Musings." Again this one is very dear to me and I'll explain why. I'm sure many of you will understand.

Over the course of my life I have followed a squillion diets ranging from the sound and sensible to the ridiculous and dangerous. Sometimes I did just wing it on my own but there were many times when I was guided by a program (eg Weight Watchers / various trainers / diet consultants etc). Along the way I learnt a lot about what works, what doesnt, what suits me and what doesnt. What I hadnt mastered though was applying my knowledge consistently in order to lose my excess weight and keep it off. That was my biggest challenge and one that I'm still working on.

However I'm approaching it differently this time. I have decided to take ownership of my eating choices and decisions. From now on (well last year actually) I decide what I'm going to eat or not eat. I'm no longer participating in any set diet plan where I'm limited to x, y or z and a,b and c are definitely off limits. I'm not reporting in to anybody for praise or a telling off because I was "good" or I was "bad." I am what I am and I'll accept responsibility for it.

I have committed to trusting myself to get this eating thing right. I'm setting my own unwritten rules, or rather a set of guidelines that I'm happy to live with. It boils down to me working out whats best for me and what I'm happy to live with. So my plan has to allow for wine on the weekends, a daily skim cappuccino and the flexibility to eat out regularly and enjoy the food rather than stressing about whether it fits into the plan that so and so has prescribed for me. 

So in effect, I'm taking all that I've learnt from a range of people and situations and making it my own, or trusting myself first. Finally I acknowledge that others can be a great help and support and some people will need that but I'm convinced there is no magical diet plan that so and so has that is the answer for me.

What are your thoughts? Is this a liberating way to eat or is it fraught with danger because it doesnt have clearly defined limits and boundaries?

Next instalment: FORGIVE. LET GO. AND LOOK FORWARD.

TICKING OFF A GOAL ACHIEVED

In a little while I shall go to bed knowing that I have completed 21 days being almost 100% sugar free. I say almost because I've still had the chocolate sprinkle on my cappuccinos and small amounts of salad dressing with sugar in it but this is nothing compared to the sugar consumption associated with a binging episode. (I wont scare you with those details LOL).

I'm so happy and proud that I did it as lately I have succumbed to more binges than I like to admit to. This has been a real turning point for me. A step that says "hey I can manage my eating to focus on my good, healthy habits and learn to control my less healthy and negative habits."

At the end of the day its all about balance. There is give. There is take. There is discipline and making good choices. There is investing wisely in treats, keeping moderation in the front of my mind (not as easily done as said, in my case).

So what will tomorrow and the rest of next week bring? I'm not sure at this stage but I know how good I feel and I know I want to keep feeling this way. So bring on the weekend and lets see how it pans out with this new sense of self that I have claimed.

:-) M

THERE IS ONE KEY QUESTION. THE ANSWER WILL TAKE YOU WHERE YOU WANT TO GO.

To me this is the most important factor in dealing with my eating behaviours and habits. It has rescued me many a time and helped to set me back on a path that I’m happy to travel.

When I was binging a lot and feeling out of control and desperate I was in a really unhappy place. Sure on the surface everything was great and I often wrote about what a good life I had, but that deep internal happiness eluded me. I was living my life in a way that I didn’t want to live it and it bugged me for a long time.

Eventually I realised that I needed help to get myself sorted out. It seemed like I had all the tools for doing that but my shed was so messy that I didn’t know where to start, which tool to use and where it was amongst the mess. This post isn’t about my sessions with the Sports Psyche (Maddie) as I’ve written about that a lot in my other blog (Running for my Life). What it is about is the key lesson I learnt in my sessions with Maddie.

When all was said and done and I had an understanding of myself, what my destructive thought patterns were and how to correct them, there was one key element underpinning it all and that was the question; “How do I want to live my life?”

So when I had a relapse (because understanding and knowing does not guarantee doing) I would take stock and ask myself that question “How do I want to live my life?” Did I want to live it being a slave to a restrictive diet? Did I want to live it in fear of when my next out of control binge would hit? Did I want to dread the Metal Monster knowing that it was cold hard proof of all my failings? Or did I want to be the one in control by making good dietary choices, knowing that one piece of cake didn’t have to turn into three or more, knowing that I had it in me to eat mindfully and maintain a reasonable weight?

Yes it was that question and the answers within me that set me back on my happy path where sanity and calm prevailed. I can’t stress enough how important this one factor has been. There is only one thing to add which seals this equation for me. Maddie sent me away with one last message which was “Whether you believe you can or you believe you can’t, you’re right”.

  

GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD

So what do I mean by “get out of your head?” Firstly lets look at why you get in your head, what you do there and what effect it has. Is it a bad thing, or a good thing, this being in your head?

Sometimes being in your head is a good thing so that’s not the time to get out of it. For example you may be experimenting with different training methods or approaches to nutrition, or just new ways to achieve some of your goals. Eventually you’ll need to get into your head to evaluate whether your new approach is working, or not. Your head may also be reminding you that when you did X, Y happened instead of the desired Z. Again, this is a good thing. Past experience is valuable in making future decisions ….. but being open to new and different possibilities is even better.

Voices in our heads can be good or they can be bad (just ask Kek). Good voices will spur us on to give our best when our spirit is less than willing. Good voices will remind us that choosing a burger, fries and milkshake for lunch will not help us to feel good in the afternoon. Listen to those voices for they are right.

So when should you get out of your head? Well here is a classic time. The alarm has gone off nice and early like usual. You struggle awake and the voices kick in immediately “its cold outside, you’d be better off staying in bed”, or “you got up yesterday so take a break today”, or “your legs are tired so you’d be quite justified to rest them today.”  Excuses. Excuses. Excuses. Don’t listen to them. Get out of your head. Get out of bed and TRAIN.

Every now and then (and sometimes more often) I get in my head and have the most negative, put me down conversations with myself. Stuff like “I have NEVER been able to maintain a lean physique so what makes this time different?” or “I’ve been a binge eater just about all my life, how can I possibly change now?” or … well just imagine a myriad of negative diatribe playing constantly. Aaaargh I know that I have to get out of my head then.

Finally, do you ever over-analyse stuff? I’m guilty of this and it never produces a good result. I over analyse what I did wrong, even though its too late to change it. I over analyse what I can do to “make it right”, obsessing about the minutiae of all the options for a solution. I fret about should I do X or should I do Y? Inevitably I make a choice or decision from a jumbled and stressed mind so its usually not the best option for me.

Its at those times that I must focus on getting out of my head, letting my mind calm down and letting peace envelop me. The way forward is deep within me, I just have to relax and let it surface. And then I know that everything will be ok.

Can you relate or is being in your head a happy and positive place for you?

I DIGRESS

.... from my "Magda's Musings" posts which I will return to very shortly. I just want to share a little of what I've been up to on the health and fitness front.

SUGAR FREE for 18 days now and looking solid to nail the 21 days. In fact I KNOW I'll nail it because I have decided so. I'm actually believing now that the less sugar you eat, the less you crave. I'm not having any mad desires for cakes or biscuits even though they are normally some of my favourite foods. Whether I go beyond 21 days, I'll play that by ear when the time comes. I just know that I like how I'm feeling :-)

WALK / JOG training is back in my schedule and so far, so good. I am taking it easy to test the waters and not go 110% effort on the take off and possibly put myself back several steps. So its all pretty cruisy now but I'm loving the higher intensity of the jog intervals and the higher pulse rate and calorie burn :-) I've completed 2 walk/jogs, will only walk tomorrow and then do another walk/jog on Thursday. Although I'm not yet pain free from my recent back injury, I've decided that waiting for the holy grail is not how I want to live my life so its time to move out of my comfort zone and test the waters.

ZUMBA is a new fitness craze that has many people raving about it. A girl I work with was doing a weekly class (on top of her regular exercise) and then she gave it up. When I asked why, her response was "I had to, I was losing too much weight." Well, hearing that I couldnt get there fast enough LOL. But in fact I had to wait several weeks for my back to improve. Yet again I had reached my limit on waiting to be pain free so last night Miss R and I headed off to a local class to shake and shimmy our tooshies for an hour to some of the best music and atmosphere I've enjoyed for a while. It was a lot of fun and not overly taxing on the brain. It was a fairly good workout (not as good as my walk/jogs) but not as intense as some had reported it to be. Maybe they are pretty unfit or maybe they are better dancers and move more than I did. Who knows? I'm sticking with it for the fun and soicial factor and also because any movement is better than an evening chained to Facebook and blogging.

WEIGHT is coming down nicely with a smidge away from 5kgs lost in a relatively short time. Cant complain about that when I'm still enjoying wine, skim cappuccinos, pizza for dinner at my parents' place tonight and some lovely meals out. I guess it just goes to prove that if you eat moderate serves of mainly lean and healthy foods, keep your treats under control and get in a moderate amount of exercise on most days, the Metal Monster will become your Metal Mate (although that doesnt sound nearly as catchy).

So thats me in a pretty good place both physically and mentally and working towards staying here as long as possible.

Next post will be GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD so stay tuned in the next few days.

BACK TO WORK TOMORROW

Tomorrow I go back to work after a week off. Boohoo. I love my job and the people I work with but there are some massive benefits from being on holidays:

1. I spend a lot of time with my son :-)
2. I eat less than usual.
3. I move more than usual.
4. I'm in a happier and more relaxed headspace.
5. I get so much more done around the house without cramming it in the few hours I have in the evening.

Maybe God will look down kindly on me next Saturday and send a nice big lotto win my way.

..... or maybe he wont.

M

TO THE POINT WEEK 2

Sugar free for 14 days. It hasnt always been easy with a few cravings for a cake or biscuit with coffee but the cravings passed (like Raechelle said they would) and I stayed true to my goal.

Eating has been good with mainly 3 meals a day due to being on holidays and the usual work routine being thrown out the window. I've eaten out more often but have generally made good choices. Must admit though that my wine consumption has been higher than I would have liked but there is, in part a special reason for that .....

.... I became an aunty this week and now have a beautiful little neice :-)

I've completed 6 walks all at least 40 minutes. Rehab work not quite as good as last week but still doing it on most days.

Not sure if I've lost any weight this week but I know that I've ticked most of my boxes and feel good about it all. By all accounts, next week will be better as I cut back a bit on the wine. I'm also planning to start doing some walk / jogs to test the waters. Oh and Miss R and I will be Zumbaing on Monday nights. Woohoo, cant wait.

Good night all

M

KEEP IT SIMPLE

Welcome to the next instalment in what I might call "Magda's Musings." This one is KEEP IT SIMPLE.

I must admit, whilst the first couple flowed out quite easily, I'm finding this one a little harder to write. Keep it simple. Keep WHAT simple?

Keep your eating simple? Keep your training simple? Maybe keep your life simple or your thoughts / dreams simple? Aaaargh there are so many options.

I think for me the answer is a blend of all of the above. Or the motto - "the simpler the better."

On the eating front this might mean simple food - unprocessed, like it grows in nature, quick healthy meals (I have no MasterChef aspirations), eating when you're hungry and not analysing everything to the nth degree. Simple eating is good, stress-free eating which leads onto simple thoughts.

If you're not stressing about every morsel to pass your lips (eg too many carbs, too much fat ) and consulting CalorieKing before you consume it, then thoughts can be a lot simpler. And a lot calmer. Food can be enjoyed, like it was meant to be (just ask an Italian or a French person).

For me, simple thoughts also mean not agonising over the scales too much by calculating how much weight I can lose by when if I do such and such. The scales are no longer an enemy but its taken me a long time to put them into perspective.

Keeping life simple is a challenge that few will master I'm sure. Unfortunately devoting myself wholeheartedly to an earthmother existence where I'm at one with the planet, the universe and my soul is never going to happen and I'm ok with that. I actually like my busy life and know that a wonderful catch up with precious friends is but a phone call away and then I feel happy and grounded yet again.

Whether I like it or not, I have no option now but to keep my training simple. My weight training facility is temporarily out of service. Should all be up and running again around the middle of November (I hope). I am limited to walking daily but I know that introducing some easy jogging is not far off. So I dont stress. I do what I can knowing its better than nothing and is not a permanent restriction. Before long i'll be soaring to new heights, I'm sure.

So there you have my thoughts on the simple stuff that matters to me and how it helps me to lead a healthy lifestyle. Do you have anything to add? Do you agree? Or is my viewpoint too simplistic?

Magda

TO THE POINT

Sugar free for 8 days now.

Ate mostly healthy meals all week. Enjoyed a skim cappuccino and some wine on most days. Employed moderation.

Completed 7 walks of at least 40 mins each. Rehab exercises done to about 80% compliance.

Scale drop for the week: 4 kgs (AWESOME!!!)

Overall I finished the month about .5 or .6 of a kilo higher than I started it. Great result considering the shitty week I had 2 weeks ago and how much crap I ate then.

Still focussed on FINISHING STRONG!

WEEK TWO GOALS:

1. Keep up good eating habits - despite being on holidays for the week.
2. Introduce walk / jog training.
3. Rehabs daily as required.
4. Maintain positive headset.

Today marked 12 weeks to Christmas Day, time enough to shed some fatty bits, get fitter and feel better.