THAT 'INTERNALLY HAPPY PLACE'

In case you didnt notice, tonight is the last night of November. Therefore, tomorrow is the beginning of the last month of the year. Wow, where did it go? Not just November - which seemed to come and go in a flash - but the whole year. Normally I like to do some reflection at the end of each month but I think you all know that November was pretty topsy turvy for me. Ups and downs, steps forward and back, same old, same old. I see no point in rehashing it all.

 

Which brings me to where my blog might be going and how I can best express some of the stuff thats important to me now. I've made no secret of the fact that in 2013 I will turn 50. I'm not one of those ladies who hides their age or tries to lie their way out of their years or keep it all totally hush hush. Hell, if I had my way, I'd tell everyone that I'm 67 only so I could hear "gee you look FANTASTIC for your age" LOL. But I cant get away from the deep burning desire to get myself to a really 'internally happy place' for my 50th birthday. A place where I have conquered my demons (and you know what they are) and I live my life with an internal calm and balance.

 

I can picture it. I can sense it. I can taste it. I can hear it. I know what it is in both the physical and mental sense (sorry, the spiritual eludes me). Its not about a number on the scales, or how fast/long I can run or how heavy I can lift/squat. Its not about eliminating pressure or stress (cause that aint gonna happen for a LONG time) nor is it about being in a never-ending blissful state of nirvana. But its all here in my head and my goal is to make it happen.

 

So I want my blog to be the record of my journey working through the changes I want to make. I dont doubt that there will be ups and downs but I have a destination that I want to achieve by July next year and that requires taking some steps forward. Onwards, I say.

 

:-) M

 

    

 



SELF PSYCHOLOGY WRAP UP

Its been a crazy couple of days at work and although I've managed a 5 minute visit here, there hasn't been time to gather my thoughts on my last post and the comments received. Today I'm coming up for air and giving this another bash.

I guess its no surprise that there is a wide spectrum of opinion on the topic of weight loss/management. I believe there is no universal right answer. A philosophy and approach that works for some might fail dismally for others. Beliefs too, vary greatly probably based on our personalities and life experiences. Whilst I consider myself to be somewhat of a naval gazer (when time permits) Peter, my husband would consider that a total waste of time. For him things are basically black and white whereas I sometimes get lost in the grey. (Traditional Virgo vs Cancer traits).

When I write a post like my Self Psychology 101 its usually at a time when I'm trying to find my way in that area of grey. I can clearly see what hasn't worked and I start to doubt the stuff that has. Which leads me to search for something that may or may not exist (again that is a perspective thing based on one's personal beliefs). I guess the question left in my mind is "why is the consistency so hard to maintain?" Perhaps if the answer was simple we wouldn't have such a large % of the population overweight or obese. But this isn't about solving the nation's obesity crisis, its about understanding myself so I can break out of the cycle. That's where the psyche bit comes in. 

I've considered coaching which has worked well for me before and it might be time to invest in a refresher. I have something in the pipeline - just testing the waters at this stage. I'm also likely to enrol in this seminar which will be run again in February next year. Whilst I don't know Amelia personally I know enough about her to be interested in her story and the key to her success now. I'll be the annoying one asking lots of questions and whilst I don't aspire to be a fitness model, I hope to get lots of good advice and inspiration from the day.

Finally, thanks to everybody who left me a comment (or a blog post) even though I haven't acknowledged them personally. Each comment has resonated with me in some way because I still have an open mind on this whole issue. My other go-to-phylosophist is none other than Craig Harper  who's style and messages also resonate well with me. Funnily enough, Craig is pretty black and white so maybe deep down I am too. (Now there's some food for thought).

I'll finish with this saying that I have stuck on my office wall in full view when I sit at my desk and computer. I recall pinching it from Shelley's blog or FB but apologise that I don't know the author.

When the world is crazy, be calm.

When the chatter is too loud, be silent.

When your head is spinning, stand still.

Allow some space around you and look within for the love you seek.

Never forget to sit and breathe, for in stillness all answers will come.

             

 

SELF PSYCHOLOGY 101

I've had this post rolling around in my head for days. Its still a jumbled mess of thoughts, questions, observations and speculation. Maybe by putting it out here I can come up with some answers especially as I always welcome comments from anybody inclined to throw their 2c worth in. I'm listening.

Events over the last couple of weeks have got me thinking again as to just what is the secret to long term, pain free weight management eg getting it off and keeping it off. Now having said that I could launch into a whole lot of factors that are NOT the answer but the 'secret' is eluding me, yet again. Let me explain.

In August this year I had hit a point where my weight was making me really unhappy. I was too heavy, had hardly any clothes that fitted and I felt awful. Living and feeling that way just weren't  long term prospects that I was prepared to entertain. So I took action through eating more healthy foods and exercising regularly. I was in a good head space and was getting good results. Life was good and I was happy. So fast forward to now and I just cant get that spark, that desire, that *something* back to keep going and of course I've slid right back to a heavier weight again :-(

Which has lead me to contemplate just what is different about those people who do it and get it right? What is different about their life, their thoughts and their subsequent actions? How do some people just find their groove, make their commitment and stick to it when I seem to forever be on the slippery slope of 2 steps forward, 1 step back?

I can tell you what, in MY experience hasnt worked for me:

1. Goal setting for weight loss. Goals set = hundreds. Goals achieved = hardly any (bar the few where some loss was inevitable). As a weight loss strategy for me this one is a big FAIL.

2. Following a set diet plan. Earlier this year I (quietly) joined Michelle Bridges' 12 wbt challenge. Ironically, by the time it started, I was in such a good place with my eating and exercise that I didn't feel like I needed it. When I saw that it came with a 'set diet' I just totally ignored it. I cant handle being told that on Monday I'll have a slice of toast with baked beans for breakfast and so on. Yet I'm pretty good at just making healthy choices because I like them and I like how they make me feel.

3. Any 12 week body transformation challenge. Done many, succeeded at (maybe) the first one but that is all. 

Is it that some people are just so blissfully happy with their lives that food is a non-issue? If somebody has the 'ideal job' or sideline does that make a difference? I can think of many people that might fit in this category so for me its a valid speculation.

Is it making a decision and sticking to it through thick and thin? My personal experience is that making the decision is the easy part but sticking to it is where I wear thin (or rather, stay thick LOL). The old saying that it takes 3 weeks to form a new habit .... pffft. Yep to some degree, but in my case its the old habits that die hard.

Is it such a quantum shift in thinking that it will take years of consciously working at it before it becomes second nature? 

Is it something I havent even considered?

This is not a quest for the ideal training plan or diet as I truly dont think its about the food or how heavy you lift or how fast you run. Nor is it a lack of knowledge about either of these aspects that is the problem but I do accept that knowledge does not equal action. Its about the head, the mind and getting that right and keeping it right. I read a really spot on quote on FB recently that went something like : Weight management is like a three legged stool: diet, exercise and headset. If just one of those doesnt work the stool will fall over. And yep, my damn stool keeps toppling over and I'm sick of it.

Thats enough for today. I'm doing my own head in LOL. Maybe the Universe will send an answer tonight.

M

 

.

 

LEGS-PROCESSED CARBS-SPA PEDI AND DAMN MY NICE CLOTHES STILL DONT FIT

Started the day with legs and tris which was a pretty good combo. Then I had a green smoothie with a good scoop of vanilla protein pwoder in it. Hmmm not my favourite combo but it was ok.

 

Another day of lots of meetings and a catered lunch which meant eating white bread (wraps and baguettes) or starving. I ate but suffered the effects of mega tiredness due to the processed carb overload. I can handle a slice of rye bread no worries but white bread makes me very drowsy in the afternoon.

 

Tomorrow I get my strapping off and my new orthotics go into my new sandals. That'll be an interesting change over. I plan to run again in the morning whilst I know I can with my foot strapped. After the strapping comes off I have a spa pedi booked as my feet really need the TLC and attention.

 

The thing thats saddened me a bit this week is that I'm still not able to wear many of my clothes and when I've wanted to dress very smart and corporate those outfits just havent fitted :-( Dressing appropriately has been a challenge on some days.

 

Signing out for tonight.

 

M

 

 

BACK RUNNING

I think the only thing that got me out of bed this morning (I was having a FANTASTIC sleep) was knowing that I could go for a run. And run I did (well jog actually) and all was good. I didnt push hard but after 40 minutes of 5:5 intervals I felt like I'd had a reasonable workout. I do like to work up a sweat. Tomorrow is leg training day (still no static lunges with my foot taped) as I'm trying to re-establish a training routine after some lacklustre effort of late. Wish me luck to get that routine back on track.

 

Work today was hugely busy as expected. I dont have time to log onto FB and check it here and there throughout the day, let alone try to catch up on blogs. Lunch was a blur of 2 meetings. Luckily one catered so I didnt starve :-) (I cant function when I'm famished) Tomorrow is pretty much the same but without late meetings.

 

I'm also trying to spend some time working on my mindset because its taken a bit of a beating lately. Nothing serious just a loss of focus around what I want and more importantly WHY I want it. I'm also revisiting some of my shorter term goals in light of my recent setbacks. Lets just say, if I dont get my head right, Christmas will be here and I wont be ready for it. Luckily my head is in a pretty good place right now.

 

Short and sweet tonight as I'll be hitting the sack straight after reading duties are done.

 

M

 



DEALING WITH CHRONIC ACHILLES TENDONITIS

Dealing with my chronic achilles tendonitis has had its ups and downs. I've had some good days and some not so good. I've accepted this as normal and not stressed about it. I bought my sensible (ugly) nana shoes and have been wearing them to work. I showed them off to Peter on the first day and his comment was "they could be worse."

 

My foot is still strapped (taped) up and I'm liking it. Without strapping this morning, it was quite sore to get walking and even in my sensible shoes I rolled off them twice. My podiatrist has given the ok for a gentle run tomorrow so I'll be keen to see how I go. I plan to do 5 mins each of walking/running intervals for a total of 40 mins. If I make it without any problems I'll be really happy.

 

I might be light on the blogging over this and next week as I'm work shadowing the head of our department so my work day is a blur of back to back meetings to give me a better understanding of her job. And no its not so I can take over (God forbid!!) but to better understand our organisation and 2 others from a strategic perspective. Meeting with our Minister today was interesting to say the least. Its a busy time thats for sure.

 

Although I have lots to say time has run out so I'll bid all good night til next time.

 

M

THE VERDICT

I've posted both here and on FB about my sore right ankle and achilles and yesterday I saw a podiatrist about the problem as it has been getting steadily worse as time goes on.

So the verdict was that I have chronic achilles tendonitis because I've ignored it for so long and it has become quite advanced. My right ankle is so puffy and swollen that it easily qualifies for the "cankle" title. The podiatrist strapped me up to create a "new achilles" and I'm spending a lot of time hobbling around with limited ROM and a constant ache in that foot.

Today I'm off to buy a pair of flat and ugly nana shoes. I have a list of 'special suppliers' that sell the shoes that will fit an orthotic. I get new orthotics in a bout 1.5-2 weeks. Oh joy!! Rehab is expected to take 6-12 weeks (again because its advanced). 

I confess that yesterday I spent a good part of the day feeling sorry for myself and there was some comfort eating happening. But today will be all about staying positive and doing whats best for me long term.

I've withdrawn from my Learn to Row course. Hopefully I can pick it up next year. Upper body training wont be a problem but I'll need to modify my cardio and my leg workouts (no lunges, no running while I'm taped up). Stretching will become even more important once the tape comes off. 

This is a timely reminder of Mr CH's words of wisdom: Get the head right and the rest will follow.  Modifications are required but I'm not totally incapacitated and I know that eating well will speed up my recovery. 

Goal for today: Just stay positive.

GOING NOWHERE

I can honestly say I'm feeling that 'mouse in a turning wheel going nowhere' feeling. You know the one I mean, where a mouse just runs and runs in a fast spinning wheel. The wheel turns, the mouse gets tired but nothing changes as he goes nowhere.

Since I have achieved a weight loss that has me around the 67 kg mark, things have become a little complacent, a little bit too relaxed and a little bit less focussed. I know I look better and I feel better and so there is less 'urgency' to work hard. Except I'm still way off my goal of fitting into some of my nicer summer (and winter) clothes so stopping here is not what I want. I'm actually in a bit of a no man's land.

Take this weekend for example. On Friday night we went to the opening night of a Vietnamese restaurant where dinner was a banquet with most of the substantial food being served quite late. At least I didn't drink much as I was driving. Then yesterday afternoon a group of mums from school had a baby shower high tea at the Intercontinental (Adelaide's premier 5 star hotel). Oh my, it was superb but after champagne, a salmon wrap and numerous little sweets I felt rather bleeeeurgh. 

Today I'm suffering the effects of a bad night's sleep, the 'post crap food slump' and that nagging knowledge that I aint getting any closer to my weight loss goals :-( So much for banishing sugar when our admin assistant brought in a home made cake (beetroot and chocolate) and for a myriad of reasons it was just better to accept a small piece of it *sigh*.

Sorry for the whinge. I know this is all within my control and in the big overall scheme I'm doing really well, its just that these constant little setbacks are starting to really frustrate me. I know I just need to pull my head in and do what needs to be done and stop being all sooky lala about it.

Thanks for listening.

M

    

 

SUGAR BE GONE!!

I'm lucky that my wonderful husband shares my desire to be lean, toned, healthy and feeling great. He's recently been appointed to an executive position with a massively challenging goal to achieve. His blood pressure has gone up despite his reasonably healthy lifestyle and he's had a lot of days where he hasn't felt good.

However throughout all of this he's maintained his exercise as he's trying to drop some kilos because he doesn't accept overweight is inevitable. By traditional standards his diet would be ok and he's a bit of a cardio addict believing that running, rowing and cycling will do the job of getting the weight off. When I've broached the subject of weight training and eating a cleaner diet, higher in protein and lower in carbs (he is an office worker after all, not an endurance athlete) he just hasn't bought my sales pitch. He dabbles in it for a week or two and then goes back to daily cardio with little if any change to his diet.

But lately he's been a little more receptive to some of my suggestions and has given me the ok to look into things that might help him feel better. So the other day I casually flicked him this link with a message "some interesting reading". Ironically it was at lunch time as he was having his salad LOL. Well, true to his word he read the article and came back with some good observations and questions instead of telling me it was a crock of sh*t and "what would they know?" Seeing as he was receptive to the idea, we agreed that a staged approach was the best way forward and step one would be cutting as much added sugar from his diet as possible. When I told him what foods had sugar in them, he looked at me goggle eyed.

So I have a job ahead of me to replace his secretly sugared foods (boxed cereal, natural muesli, soy milk, vanilla flavoured yogurt etc) with a non-sugar, palatable and convenient alternative. Plus he's agreed to a non-cereal breakfast on 2-3 work days. I'm really hoping that these changes will make a difference and I can get him on board for some other ideas. Irrespective, I love a challenge and I love that we are becoming even more aligned. The one thing we've always agreed on is our enjoyment of a wine or beer on certain days of the week. Even cavemen/women would have kicked back with a relaxing drink after a hard day of hunting/gathering, I'm sure :-)

M