TRANSITION

Life is a bit unusual right now as we transition towards our holiday. Minimal grocery shop to run down our food stocks. No skating lessons as we wouldnt be home for the 5 week block. I'm not even stressing out about work because a colleague recently returned to work and she will oversee some of my more messy and complex issues while I'm away. It so wierd to be in this state.

Today was interview day for the job that I said I didnt care much whether I got it or not. Typically by the end of the interview I really wanted it. After several questions and feeling good about my responses I was annoyed that the last question threw me and had me struggling to articulate my answer. Grrrr. Bloody blonde moments!! I was told that they will decide by the end of the week at which point I'll already be on leave but I will leave my number so I can be put out of my misery one way or another. Who knows, there may be cause for a celebration while we're away :-)

Training all good. Diet could have been better due to a big dinner eaten for my Dad's birthday celebration last night. But all up I'm feeling ok about it.

:-) M

AN INDULGENT DAY

A Saturday like today comes along only once in a blue moon. It was, dare I say it ... relaxing.

In my life a normal Saturday consists of the following (not necessarily in this order):

• stripping the bed and washing the sheets
• getting some exercise in
• breakfast
• shower, hair, make up
• grocery shopping
• taking Mitchell to his ice skating lesson
• dropping Mitchell at mum's place after his lesson
• picking Mitchell up from mum's place later in the afternoon
• cleaning
• another load of washing
• washing hung out and then brought in
• bed made up
• time out for beer o'clock
• prepare and cook dinner
• crash out on FB or Blogger
• if I'm meeting a friend for lunch then there is a serious reprioritising of all of the above and a lot of it doesnt get done

It is literally go, go, go from when I get out of bed til its beer o'clock and then finally crash out time.

But today there was no skating and only a small grocery shop and it made the world of difference. That and getting most of my housework done when I got home yesterday :-)

So I managed a really decent back and chest session which started with a bad case of "I really dont feel like it" and turned into one of my best and strongest lifts. After my family was all taken care of and essential chores were done, I took myself out with the paper, my shopping bags and time on my hands. I wiled away a good 30 minutes + at my favourite cafe and read the Saturday paper. Then I strolled down the road to our local bookshop for a lengthy browse before thinking about starting the grocery shopping. A call from my SIL had me making a detour back to my favourite cafe to meet them for coffee as they were in the area. I finally got around to shopping and with only 2 bags not even full I walked the 10 or so minutes home.

Gotta love these indulgent days as they truly are very rare.

:-) M

DULL, COLOURLESS AND BORING

After boasting about my stellar run with training lately, I found myself the victim of a bad night's sleep on Tuesday. When I'm awake for anything around the 2 hour mark I turn off my alarm in the hope that if/when I fall back asleep I can grab that extra (much needed) hour. So there was no training on Wednesday morning and I spend a good part of Wednesday evening pre-preparing Thursday night's dinner when mum and dad stay after bringing Mitchell home from school. So evening training is impossible. But I was back into it today with an interval session on my spin bike :-)

I spent today at a training session at one of our nice city hotels. It was an interesting and engaging session and although the day was very long, it held ny interest for all but the last half hour. By then my brain had declared "ENOUGH." Now when I go to these training days I always struggle with the 'free food' thats on offer and more often than not I end up over-eating on some pretty crappy stuff. But I've been eating well lately and I was really conscious of not going mental with the food today so I packed a piece of fruit and a small container of almonds to have in place of the biscuits I expected to be available.

Well the 'free food' was as expected yet probably of higher grade than usual - danish pastries for morning tea; a buffet lunch of hot food, sandwiches/baguettes, salads and quite an array of desserts and afternoon tea was carrot cake and banana cake. My lord what a feast of carbs and fats. My fruit came in handy for morning tea. A hot meal at lunch with a tiny serve of sweets filled me up for the rest of the day and I conveniently kept my distance from the cakes and pastries. Luckily there was peppermint tea which I love as a hot, healthy drink in winter. All up I managed really well today and didnt feel deprived or dare I say it 'on a diet' (BTW I'm certainly not.)

Apart from those two totally insignificant things, I have nothing else to report. Talk about my life being dull, colourless and boring LOL.

Cheers all

M

FEELING GOOD AND POSITIVE

I've had an awesome long weekend but I cant help thinking back to a year ago when I wrote this post and soon after this post . In the lead up, I had really hit rock bottom and just couldnt find my way up again. It took a lot of looking deep within to start making my way out of my hole. Things had to change and they had to change big time.

Since then things have gone up and down for me. I've learnt a lot about myself but I'm way off working myself out, if you know what I mean. Maybe thats just how life is meant to be, a journey of discovery and taking the things we learn and applying them when we're ready. Sometimes we may know stuff for years before we actually use it to our benefit. Sometimes things work for a while and then its time for a change, an evolution if we wish to continue our journey forward and not be stuck in our rut.

Lately I have felt really good and positive about things. The lifestyle I'm leaning towards, one that is naturally evolving from my longer term goals just feels right. Its not something I have to struggle with or cajole myself into. I'm liking the feelings of peace and calm that its bringing. Yesterday I caught up with an old friend that I dont see often but hold dear in my heart for a number of reasons. Kerry and I met when we first competed in 2007. She is still bodybuilding and competing and after 5 or 6 years in the business she is one smart cookie who's worked it all out and is not a victim of the downside of the sport. I respect her very commonsense approach to lifestyle, health and training. It was a very engaging couple of hours talking with her.

On a more personal level though, I'm pleased to say that my training mojo has kicked into top gear. Since last Monday I have trained every day alternating between weights and cardio. Saturday's cardio session was 45 minutes of 1 walk:2 jogs (songs) and then a 10 minute walk home to finish. I did similar today but without the extra walk at the end. The jogging has felt good. Yesterday's leg session has left me sore again so even though my exercises are very basic and I only increase my weights a little at a time, I know its still an effective session :-)

Its nice to come on and write some positive stuff and I tell you, if I could bottle it, I would. But I guess its just about maintaining the good habits, the good headspace and the good future perspective rather than expecting miracles.

:-) M

SHAPEWEAR TO THE RESCUE

Today was my lunch date with one of my loveliest friends Miss R. We meet up for lunch about every 6-8 weeks always somewhere nice, always over a bottle of bubbly, always with LOTS to catch up on. We also get dressed up - its never a jeans and whatever affair.

Two lunches ago in February it was her birthday. She looked stunning in a gorgeous black dress and killer yellow heels. I was at the end of my 'study is taking over my life, I havent got time to exercise and I'm comfort eating like there's no tomorrow' phase. I was fat. I felt awful. I REALLY struggled (emotionally) to make it. I had no idea what I could wear - hardly anything fitted me. I chose my Zara pink skirt because I had bought it when I was a little heavier. I looked like an overstuffed sausage in it. I felt awful but put all my energy into my 'brave, happy face.'

At our last lunch Miss R wore one of her very gorgeous designer dresses. She looked stunning. My top was really nice but that was about it. When we went shopping after the meal we bumped into a dad from my son's school and I swear he was flirting with her while his wife was in the change rooms and Miss R was trying on shoes. Tsk tsk.

Anyway, I digress. With lunch coming up today I was struggling to pick a suitable outfit so my fallback was the red dress I'm wearing in my profile pic. It is mega clingy and right now I'm not mega slim. Tada. Shapewear to the rescue. On it went and the lumps and bumps got smoothed out. I swear the dress looked as good as it does in my profile pic when I was about 3-4 kilos lighter. Yet again, deep down I felt somewhat invincible LOL. Now here's the ironic bit ..... Miss R wore stretchy pants tucked into flat boots and a casual knit top LOL LOL LOL. She went for warmth (smart woman). I went for glam (silly, vain woman). Meh, we still had a fantastic time.

At the end of it all I arrived home, raced upstairs, ripped off the dress, stockings and shapewear and threw on trackie daks and a big mohair jumper for warmth. Aaaah comfort at last. I guess looking good comes at a price but when there's nobody looking (hubby and son dont count) then why pay it?

Cheers all

M

Sorry, no time for pics as it was a bit of a mad rush to make it to lunch without being too late.



A VINEGAR AND SOURSOBS MOMENT

Some days are wine and roses, others are vinegar and soursobs. I started in a wine and roses mood with lots of happy ticks going off in my head: 5 straight days of training including 3 weights sessions; ate well this week really watching my portion sizes and kept the junky stuff at bay; no dramas at work; happy family etc etc etc. Deep inside me I had this little smug thing going on where I start to feel invincible like I’m about 5 kilos lighter and looking haaaawt.

Today was the day I had set aside to buy an essential item for my upcoming cruise. There will be 3 formal nights on the ship and I have gorgeous outfits lined up for them. However there is a slight problem in me being heavier than I’d like to be to do my outfits justice. All 3 outfits are body hugging and clingy – if I was 5 kilos lighter they’d look amazing but I’m not and I refuse to crash diet it off in the time I have before we go away.  So its shapewear to the rescue!!

I ventured into Myer and selected 4 items, each in 2 sizes – still delusional that the smaller size might be right for me; after all I WAS feeling rather invincible.  Then into the change room for the massive disrobing – its bloody cold here right now – and the trying on of said items. I quickly realised that the larger size had my name on it as it had extraordinary girdle-like properties. I didnt even waste my time trying on the small sizes – after all the fabric can only stretch so far.

They say that trying on swimwear is one of the worst and most depressing experiences that a woman can have. They obviously said this BEFORE shapewear came on the market. OH MY LORD!! Picture this: white flesh – and lots of it – lumpy, flabby and not pretty – squeezing into the high waisted bike pants style shapewear (I want a smooth line from under the bust to half way down my thigh). One pair had so many panels and sections for the ‘perfect sculpt’ that I couldn’t even get it to fit my crotch. Fail. Another pair came to just above my knee. Too long as two of my dresses are just above the knees. It came down to a choice between 2 pairs that felt somewhat ok and I chose the pair with the shorter leg and slightly darker nude fabric.

That time in the changeroom scrutinising myself in the shapewear was a real slap in the face. Pigs to loving and accepting ourselves as we are. My rear view was dreadful and it angered me that I had again let it get to this point. It re-stoked the fire in my belly to stop making excuses and fix it. I’ve had a good week. Now I just need to keep building on that. I had a vinegar and soursobs moment and then it turned into this determination to take action. 50 will be here next year and I want to look and feel better. I don’t want to be trying on a hot outfit for my birthday celebration feeling depressed about my body.

That is all folks.

J M



AND THE VERDICT IS ......

Despite today being very busy with meetings galore, I managed to fit in a visit to my GP. Peter was on a training course in the city so we did our bit for the environment and took one car in. We met for lunch and sorted out the end of day travel plans for me to get to the doctor. I like how he subtly suggested that he didnt need to be dropped home early and could come with me (just in case I was upset at some bad news).

During the day I had a few moments to myself and my thoughts automatically went to "Oh no what if I'm pre-diabetic?" or worse "What if I'm DIABETIC?" I couldnt imagine what else could be wrong as I had excellent test result only a year ago and surely my health couldnt have declined in a relatively short time. Plus I feel healthy.

So the verdict was that I'm too low in Vitamin D. A year ago my reading was comfortably in the recommended 80-90 range. This year its less than half of that. Haaaa??? Doc said we better get onto it with supplements or in another year's time I could be returning because my bones have disintegrated to piles of dust LOL. We talked about it a bit and apart from it being a sun thing two other considerations are important: getting enough calcium in your diet (I'm guilty of skimping on it, thats for sure) and age :-( being that the older we get the less efficiently we can absorb it. The risk of low Vitamin D levels is bone weakness where you become more susceptible to fractures etc. No thank you. I'll be starting on the supps immediately and will make a concerted effort to up my dietary calcium intake.  

On every other level my test results were good - excellent. Blood sugars totally normal. Cholestrol up slightly but because my good cholestrol is very high it counteracts the slightly high combined cholestrol reading. The verdict was I'm at very low risk of cardiovascular disease - readers, eat your atlantic salmon!!!! I swear its making the difference for me as both my parents are on cholestrol medication.

So I just need to get my Vit D levels back up and I'm back to perfect (said with tongue planted firmly in cheek.)

:-) M

A BIT OUT OF SORTS

I'm feeling a bit out of sorts tonight. Just a couple of things niggling at me and I'm impatient to settle one and I have to wait out the other.

I blogged about my recent check up at which I had the full range of blood tests done about a week ago. Well today I got home from work to find a letter from my medical centre saying they had tried unsuccessfully to contact me about my results and to make an appointment with my GP within 20 days. Well last year nothing like this happened. I got my reults months later when I had cause to see my GP for something else so my mind went into overdrive as to why this time I was being called back. Curious with a capital C!! I'll be calling tomorrow for an appointment asap - the suspense is killing me and not in a good way.

Last week I pulled together an application for another job still within the public service. Its a level higher than my current position and the work is quite different to what I do now. It was a hard application to write with lots of lateral thinking and speculative links to my skills set and how I'd apply it to this position. Well this afternoon I was thinking that they have probably short-listed and I wasnt going to be interviewed. Its just a feeling I had and I was ok with it as I have a great job already. Then lo and behold within about 30 minutes I got a call inviting me to an interview. So I'm in with a chance and feeling nervous and excited and quietly shitting myself in fear of totally f*cking this up as its so far out of my comfort zone. Luckily it'll all be over before I go on holidays (although I probably wont know the outcome) but I have some serious swatting and preparation to do over the next week and a bit.

Training wise I did my second weights session this morning despite feeling very tired from staying up to watch some of the Diamond Jubilee Concert. Great feeling for not piking out and using the late night as an excuse. Today's session was shoulders, bis and tris with a little bit of core work thrown in at the end. Eating has been pretty good even considering dinner at mum's on Tuesday was take away. And finally, like many others I know, I'm REALLY feeling the cold already. In the 15-20 minute walk from my car to work and back its guaranteed that I'll get numb toes and numb fingertips from the cold - and thats in thick tights and leather shoes. How people get around sockless or even worse in open footwear at this time of year is totally beyond me.

THE VOICES IN MY HEAD

This morning at 5.20 am it was me and the pavement for stage 2 of my return to running plan. This is a bit of a side goal to weight training 3 times / week. I guess you could call it goal 2a or maybe it should just be goal number 4. Whatever. I’m aiming to run again but limit my times to 30 or 40 minutes max.  I know my body just can cope with the long runs anymore despite them being my favourites.

I headed out and it was a typically cold morning. In stage 2 my plan is to walk 1 song, then jog 2. The last couple of weeks it was 1 song of each. Luckily my first song was a long one at over 5 minutes so I got a nice warm up walk. At the risk of sounding like a whinger, my hips have been aching badly lately, the pain has returned to my ITBs and needless to say my lower back is always tight, adding to the soreness. Then to add icing to the cake, I had leg DOMS as well.

The voice in my head was shouting at me “Don’t run today. You’re so sore. You won’t be able to do it anyway. Just walk. It’s safer and easier.” And a part of me REALLY wanted to say “Ok, you’re right. A walk will do.” But deep down I knew a walk WOULDN’T do. If I conceded defeat I would have another day of getting up early and wasting the time with ineffective training. Like Peter said to me a couple of weekends ago “What’s the point of getting up so early if you don’t make your training count.”

 And I thought back to a passage I read yesterday from Craig Harper’s Fattitude: “Sometimes we don’t really want to make an effort; we just want to look like we are making an effort. It’s a good way to get people off our back.” Errrr …. guilty. So I sucked it up and I jogged my 2 songs then took a walk recovery for 1 song and repeated the cycle 4 times. I also stayed the whole 40 minutes. No short cuts.

At the end of it I was pooped but I felt great and more importantly I felt great about not skimping on the quality of my workout. Have you been guilty of skimping on your effort but hiding it behind a façade of “yeah I’m putting in the effort”? It can be with either exercise or diet.

Cheers all

M

MAY'S ACHIEVEMENT

At the completion of my accounting exam on 30 April I set myself the rather significant goal of having a binge free May. I have set this goal many times and have rarely achieved it – often just giving in to the feelings of stress, pressure and a desire for instant 5 minute feel good feelings. Often that act of giving in results in a ‘one bite is too many and a thousand are not enough**’ episode and the vicious cycle continues as I fall into an apathy based on ‘what’s the point, I never get anywhere anyway.’

On Thursday I achieved a binge free May. It was a tough month as you’ll remember I had the worst 2 days of my work life in there and I admit there were times when I ate more for lunch than I should have but when I finished my (big) lunch I stopped eating as opposed to just looking for more and more food. I also didn’t over stress about what I ate. Sometimes it was healthy. Sometimes it wasn’t. Weight wise there was no real change over the month but I didn’t expect there to be either.

In the scheme of things I’m counting May as a big success but looking forward there is room for improvement and that’s where I want to go in June. Mind you I’ve had a big struggle with motivation both for training and eating well.  With no specific fitness goal or event on the horizon, getting up to exercise at 5am is a bloody struggle. Same with the eating which flips from pretty good to ‘oops, overdone it again’. To complete the package, the headspace that goes with these is just as defeatist and counter-productive. Hello rut, I’m baaaaack.

But on Friday night I picked up my old copy of Fattitude by Craig Harper and started to casually read it again. I tell you, it should be my bible for life. Craig hits the nail on the head over and over and its like he’s speaking directly to me when delivering his tell-it-like-it-is messages. Only a few chapters in and there have been so many aha moments – timely reminders of why we fail, how we can succeed and what our attitude or thinking has to do with it all. I love that the book is not about the food you eat, or what training you do, its message is: right attitude + consistent actions = results. Simple really.

So I embark on June with a plan for small positive changes strung together on this journey of improvement. Number one goal is portion control – feeding the physical not the emotional hunger. Number two goal is to weight train consistently three times / week. Number three goal is to read a little of Fattitude every day. It helps to keep me focussed as I re-establish healthy habits. I’m honestly not fussed about dropping kilos as quickly as possible in time for my holiday or my birthday. Laying a strong foundation for the future is far more important.  And at the end of the day when I can honestly say I did my best eating and training wise, I feel pretty good within myself irrespective of the extra kilos – which can be (temporarily) taken care of by some Spanx.

Thanks for listening to me as I try to work through what works for me.

M

** I borrow this statement from my friend and previous trainer Liz.

MUM'S BIRTHDAY

It was my mum's birthday on Thursday and one of the things I like to do at this time of year is take her to lunch and a movie. So today we took ourselves off to see 'What to Expect When You're Expecting'. The movie was great. I laughed. I cried tears of joy. I cried tears of emotion - the adoption scene was VERY close to home and whenever I reflect back to my own experience, I cant hold back the tears and emotion. Tears for my happiness but tears  of sadness for the foster mother who hands over the baby that she has cared for for the last 5 or so months.

But I digress. We had a nice lunch out although my food wasnt the best - chicken risotto with the tiniest amount of chicken in it and a bit too moist (wet) for my liking. The wine was good :-) It was a nice outing and mum has said that as long as she has her health, she'd like to do this every year. I couldnt agree more. I have one friend who lost her mum  some years ago and their family has never been the same. Others dont get on with their mums so a day like today would be torture for them. I'm so lucky that mum and I are really good friends. Incidentally the pic above was from some years ago. The toddler is now 10 years old LOL.

Today was also a nice change from this last week which can only be summed up as mehh. On Wednesday I tackled a job application for a position quite different to what I do now. I really struggled with it, wrote it as best I could only to have Peter critique it as "hmm sorry dear but I think you've missed the mark." I tried rewriting it but couldnt get past my original headset. At one stage I conceded defeat. But because I'm a bit of a never-give-up girl, I rallied myself to give it another go and pulled it together at the 11th hour. There's nothing like a bit of 'I'm hopeless, I just cant get this' feeling to drag you down and fuel all those feelings of failure and inadequacy, making for a shitty few days.

But thats past and next week will be awesome because I decree it so :-)

Cheers all

M