I need some encouragement, words of wisdom or just a hug. I dont want to talk about this with others for fear of what I may have to face.
Today I'm in pain again. I ran for 50 minutes this morning and I felt ok. I've been eating well including dinner at my parents' last night where mum made pizza and I stopped after 2 slices (could have eaten 3 or 4 but knew that I'd regret it as soon as it was down). I'm well hydrated and I've been doing all my rehabs religiously since Sunday (got a bit slack on Friday and Saturday). Plus I had a rest day yesterday.
So in light of all those ducks being in line, there really is no reason why today I would have sharp shooting pains through my left glute and my thighs again. Although its not as bad as it was around August last year, its exactly the type of pain I was having then. At one stage then it was so debilitating that I had 3 days off work and battled depression with it as well. I'm self massaging but its not providing any relief plus I'm at work so am sitting a lot of the time.
A colleague saw me hobbling around the office and commented on it. I'm walking like a slow, old person. I'm battling this stupid voice in my head that flips from "go on have some junk to eat becasue it'll make you feel better" to "how on earth do you think you can run a half marathon when it hurts to walk, let alone run?"
I'm really battling with self doubt about the HM and reminding myself that junk food will give me 5 minutes of pleasure before guaranteed pain that'll last a lot longer. I dont want to be around people and have to act professional and nice but doing so helps to keep my mind off it. I have a chiro appointment on Friday afternoon because I cant get there earlier.
Sorry, I've just had a big whinge (one of my pet peeves) but on top of the pain I feel scared, disappointed and worried. I'm struggling to summon any positive emotions.
M
After reading your post I decided to share my own damn frustrations. I don't agree that we need to be 100% positive all the damn time. It's not healthy. A day here and there is ok, it's when a day turns in to a week and weeks into months that we have a problem.
ReplyDeleteProbably not helping you Magda...
I'm not sure what to suggest, could you try something more alternative like acupunture or something? Are your long runs really slow and relaxed? Can we have cake Saturday LOL?
Sending you a virtual hug Magda. I know how frustrating it is when your body won't live up to your mind's expectations.
ReplyDeleteI second the suggestion for dry needling/acupuncture.
Sending you a big hug Magda.
ReplyDeleteHave you tried some self-myofascial relief with a tennis ball? Dry needling might help, but getting into your glutes with a ball is something you can do yourself.
ReplyDeleteIt's tough dealing with this stuff - sometimes you feel like you're going backwards, but it's all part of the process. A crappy part, but still...
I understand your desire to achieve this HM goal but what if you didn't run it? What would the consequence of that be? Of course feelings would surface but would it be more important to actually work through and deal with the feelings than continuing to train your body when injured? Is it your body talking to you, telling you to ease up, it needs a GOOD rest and by good I mean not just a week or two but perhaps longer? Can you just "let it all go?" Some therapy perhaps? I could be way off the mark but I think there's still something there (underneath) that you're resisting, that needs dealing with, and maybe this is the way you're being spoken to, loudly, so you listen.
ReplyDeleteMy wish for you:
Comfort on difficult days.
Smiles when sadness intrudes.
Rainbows to follow the clouds.
Laughter to kiss your lips.
Sunsets to warm your heart.
Hugs when spirits sag.
Beauty for your eyes to see.
Friendships to brighten your being.
Faith so that you can believe.
Confidence for when you doubt.
Courage to know yourself.
Patience to accept the truth.
Love to complete your life.
Acupunture, chiro, tennis ball - whilst all these may be beneficial I believe rest and MEDITATION to be your best bet.
Hi Magda
ReplyDeleteLast year I was well on my way to running my first marathon only to be struck down with similiar symptoms. After going to my physio and finally a chiro it turned out my pelvis was rotated forward and upward on one side causing a lot of pain in my left thigh due to the nerve being compressed.
I ended up not running the marathon and after a lot of treatment ran the half again.
As a result of it all I did learn to listen to and respect my body, and do the best with what I was capable of.
It is hard when you are looking at a specific goal and get frustrated, but I have discovered that balance is so important. i am now doing more weights and my body is responding by running much faster times (for the first time I ran 10 km in 47 mins at the tender age of 49:))
I guess what I am saying is don't see limitations as defeat but as a sign that you need to increase your knowledge and learn more about your body.
All the best:)
I hope the chiro appointment helped Magda, perhaps a good sports massage might help too?
ReplyDeleteI'm struggling with my feet at the moment, as soon as I start doing more cardio, my foot pain stops me in my tracks. Its so frustrating and upsetting. I hope that you can get some relief soon.
Hey Kristy, all good as I emailed you last night :-)
ReplyDeleteThank you Charlotte and Michelle.
Kek you should see my artillery of rehab exercises (7-8 daily including Franklin Ball work). Yes crappy days really test us.
Shelley its so much more than running 21.1 kms on 1 May. I love your poem and can honestly say that I have those things most of the time. Maybe because my life is so generally good, I find it hard to deal with when its not. Food for thought....
Gillian I've taken your comment about learning more about my body on board and will blog about it.
Hilary ... aaaargh sports massage .... I had one a few weeks ago and I was in pain for a week after. So many tight and knotted muscles..... I shudder at the thought but the chiro today was good.