UPDATE AND LIFE MUSINGS

Eegads its been a busy few days and a blog post typed at lunch time yesterday has never made it home in the rush and hubbub of work issues. Oh well, here goes my update and life musings.

True to my recent word I have weight trained twice in the last 3 days. Monday was back, chest and core work - a favourite session and today was Legs: Back-to-Bascis + 100 Abs. Just baby weights, good form with a longer term goal of slowly building up strength without doing myself any nasty injuries by going too hard, too fast. Oh, BTW my trusty old friend DOMS is back reminding me to "be consistent and dont break the cycle."

Yesterday was cardio day and I knew I had to ramp it up so I sucked it up and did my 1 song walk: 1 song jog combo which is a safe way to ease back into running when the aerobic fitness is lacking. And oh my, is it lacking??!! After finishing the (42 minute) session it took over 10 minutes for my heart rate to return to normal. Talk about UNFIT!! But I did feel great that I had pushed myself out of my comfort zone on this occassion.

On the diet front I've been dabbling in a few lower carb days but not being anal or obsessive about it. Whilst there is some temptation to go "hard core" to drop as much weight as possible before my holiday, deep down I know its more important and I'll be much better off just aiming for moderation and consistency. So I tackle the food side of things by choosing mainly healthy clean options with a reasonable protein intake and cutting right back on the junky treats. I dont like weighing, measuring or logging so I have to trust my instincts to know what, when and how much and be confident that I get it right.

Finally I'm conscious of not going at this like a bull to a gate and then just fizzing out after a couple of weeks. If I can temper my motivation and enthusiasm and stay more even keeled then there's a better chance that I can maintain this over a longer period. Yes motivation goes up and down naturally but hopefully less peaks also means less deep and dark troughs. Well thats the theory I'm testing right now.

M

HONOURING THE THINGS THAT ARE IMPORTANT TO ME

Fridays night’s talk with Peter has really flicked a switch for me – a much needed flick that has changed my outlook on training, food and how I use that space between my ears. I have a calendar month (with 31 days in it) to make a positive difference before going on holidays instead of just wallowing in my “I’m fat and miserable” headspace.

Saturday started early with a Bikram yoga class where I really gave my all. The rest of the day was very busy even with no ice-skating as my boy was suffering a head cold and we had our fingers crossed he’d be ok to go to a friend’s birthday party and sleep-over that night. My food was a fraction of what it was over the last week (yep the comfort eating was happening again) but I hardly felt hungry as I threw myself into the busyness of the day. I felt great at the end of the day.

 

Sunday was Bikram yoga again although I was pretty tired after the Saturday class so my effort wasn’t quite as stellar. I have one more visit from this 10 class pass and then I’ll be breaking from Bikram for a while.  Again, really happy eating less, upping my protein and dropping lots of the more crappy carbs.

I went to bed last night feeling considerably lighter even though I know my weight would have changed very little, if any.

 

I have decided to commit to weight training again for a number of reasons. I like that it maintains/builds muscle for a non-squidgy look. I like that more muscle = higher metabolism or in my case – minimising metabolism slowing with age. I like that I have a pretty good set up in my studio at the back of our yard and I’m not restricted by class times or additional cost. And finally I like that it’s a step towards a lifestyle committed to being fitter and healthier. Hey, I’m never going to be rockin, smokin 50-year old from a daily walk and enough carbs to fuel me for a marathon LOL.

 

I guess one of the pivotal things that came out of Friday night is a realisation that over the last 5 years I’ve lived at both ends of the fitness and health spectrum. In 2007 I was training twice a day with no rest days and eating a very restricted diet as I prepared to compete in Figure. Everything about my life was extreme and it really took its toll on me physically and even more so mentally. It took me years to ‘recover’ and I eventually turned to distance running which of course I couldn’t keep up due to chronic injuries. I have sampled intuitive/mindful eating and had some periods of success but it bred laziness in me towards my training and for that and other reasons, it was never the perfect fit for me.

So I’m testing that happy medium on the fitness and health spectrum looking for a place where my daily choices serve me well in both the short and long terms. It’s sort of like looking beyond the tip of my nose if I’m serious about the future and honouring the things that are important to me.

Thanks for listening.

M

PARKING THE EMOTIONS - ENGAGING THE LOGIC

In my despearetly miserable headspace of late, I have entertained many a wierd and wonderful thought - some healthy, some not so. Two of the thoughts in my head have been "I need a life coach" and " I need a psyche". I honestly didnt know what I needed, I was just desperately grasping at straws.

Well I can tell you what I needed. I just needed to have heart to heart, warts and all talk with my wonderful husband who knows me better than anybody. He knows I'm very sensitive so he started gently but he firmly drove his point home hitting the nail right on the bloody head. Sometimes you just need to get out of your head and hear it like it is. Park the (Cancerian) emotions and engage the (Virgo) logic.

The conversation went something like this:

Peter: "So whats your plan for exercise next week?"

Me: "I'll get back into it." sounding very half hearted.

Peter: Blah, blah, blah (cant remember everything) but the upshot was him pointing out the following:

1. My current exercise (walking some mornings) is ineffective and a waste of time - and I know it. If I'm getting up at 5am then at least make it worth my while. Get back into weight training and be consistent.

2. Some weeks ago I made a decent effort to cut back my alcohol and junky snacks and then I couldnt be bothered any more. I was firmly reminded (by that wonderful husband) that I used to have the mindset that I would do whatever it took to stay in good shape - train hard, eat well etc - and now its like I've waved the white flag and surrendered to overweight and frumpiness.Ouch - but dammit he's right.

3. I had a string of excuses and buts only to have each one shot down.

4. He pointed out that lately he's been more committed to exercising properly and watching what he eats than I have. This is a turn around as its always been the other way.

5. There was more talk and more tough love and with each point raised I knew he was absoultey right and it was time to pull my head out of the sand and get on with this. He said he'd support me in whatever I decided training wise, diet wise, even if I decided to accept where I am and NOT want to make any changes.

6. But he cleverly pointed out that with me its VERY much a case of "if the physical is not right, then the mental cant be either." No beating about the bush but that is me to the core.

7. At the end of the day, I have to ask myself if I'm happy as I am. And if I'm not then I have to put the hard yards in to fix it. Nobody said its an easy overnight fix but deep down I know its a step in the journey back to the new and improved version of good ol' me (if you know what I mean).

:-) M

EVEN 'UP' PEOPLE HAVE DOWN DAYS

I know its normal to feel down at times. I know its unreasonable to think that every day will be fantastic, that I'll be slaying dragons, leaping tall buildings in a single bound or dazzling the world with my brilliance. Thats just not how life is.

Even 'up' people have down days, they just dont go on and on about them. I'm usually an 'up' person - I'm just having a down time.

Cancerians note!! I read today that there is a new moon on the weekend. It will bring a change of routine - a bit of 'out with the old to make way for the new'. Well I can tell you, I could use me a bit of that.

Now I'm a bit stuck for words so on that note I'll sign off and pray for a better day tomorrow.

M

THIS IS NOT 'ME'

I'm convinced this is the week when the Universe says "its your turn to cop the shit". We have now rectified Monday's fuck up and life goes on. Typically another "issue" reared its ugly head late today. Not as bad as the first but serious consequences if its not fixed quick smart and fixing it is mostly out of my control. But enough of work woes.

I'm not going to pretend that I'm handling this well. Things are tough but because I'm not in good physical and mental shape its harder to deal with them in a positive way. This is not 'me'. This is not how I want to feel, think or look yet I'm too deep in thought - a lot of it negative - to have the energy to take action.

After skipping my morning exercise yesterday, I forced myself up and out this morning in the freezing cold. I just walked but I had to force myself to divert my thoughts away from my 'woe is me' negative mentality. After all, morning exercise is meant to make me feel good but I was just dragging myself further and further down.

So there you have it ... 'life as I see it' which right now is NOT through rose coloured glasses. The good thing is that every down and dark episode is followed by a bright and positive awakening. Its on the horizon, I just have to wait for it to arrive.

SHIT HAPPENS - PART 2

Today was all about fixing yesterday's fuck up with the roller coaster of 'ok, things are looking up' to 'shit, this could get worse'. In the scheme of things nobody died, nobody lost their job, nobody lost lots of money so it wasn't that bad. But working in government means that anything politically sensitive (and yes this was) must be reported to your Minister and any other relevant Ministers. I scored our Minister and the Treasurer! It ended as well as it could have at 6pm today with my boss and I working together to do the last bit of 'fixing'. By that stage I had a stomach ache (stress related) and was exhausted. In fact I had the stomach ache for most of the afternoon. I skipped dinner at my parents' house and came home to unwind on my own. Thanks to Peter for stepping up and dealing with a difficult parenting issue as well. I just wasn't up to it tonight. I'm off to bed now. Tomorrow will be a better day. I will exercise. I will eat well and I will tackle the other jobs that desperately await my attention. M

SHIT HAPPENS

Have you ever concentrated so hard on avoiding a disaster that you inadvertently pull off the colossal fuck up of a lifetime? Upon having it brought to your attention, have you felt sick to the stomach, started shaking and almost lost your voice? Have you wished the ground would open up and swallow you or that you could crawl into your office and cry buckets? Has it left you feeling fragile, sensitive and feeling like a dumbass failure?

Well today ticked all of those boxes for me. I was responsible for a major fuck up at work and I'm feeling really crappy about it. It will take time for these feelings to go.

On the up side my boss was fantastic about it, never blaming me or reprimanding me - just getting on with finding a solution - much of which is currently out of our control. Of course I sucked up how I felt and did whatever I could to help fix the problem instead of running away from it. However, the saga will continue into tomorrow and beyond.

There was some comfort eating today but at least I didnt go for broke with the sugar and crap. I'm looking on this as a positive as I know just how much worse it (a binge eating episode) could have been.

So, today in two words .... SHIT HAPPENS.

M