ME UNCUT

Tonight I feel a bit ..... (hmm insert mouth and nose pulled tight to the side) ..... bewildered. Or maybe .... (I've stared at the screen for 10 minutes and I cant even put it into words).

I'm trying to understand the delicate, intriguing, unpredicatbale workings of my mind. Sometimes I know me and sometimes I just baffle myself. Right now ,as for a couple of months I'm baffled.

In June this year I took a big leap of faith and changed my mindset about dieting, eating, losing weight, body image etc. It all happened relatively easily once I made the decision to look at things differently. The first few weeks were extremely stressful with EOFY on top of us, work being stupidly busy and me certainly feeling the pressure. But my faith in myself and my new outlook got me though it all relatively unscathed. I stuck to my new beliefs and outlook and soldiered through the tough times. Life was genuinely good deep inside and I was starting to feel genuinely happy - deep inside.

I'm not sure when I had my first relapse back to binging but it unsettled me a little. However I had a good think about it, worked out the cause and easily corrected it. I soldiered on and continued to be happy as this was but a mere blip.

Then it happened again and ..... again ..... and again.

I found comfort in the writings of others especially Miss Katie (Head*Heart*Health) and some very meaningful motivational quotes and books such as French Women etc. Every time I forgave myself and moved on in a positive direction with a positive mindset, clinging on to my internal happiness.

But tonight its come to a bit of a head and I sit here thinking why. Why am I slipping back to my old habits with some frequency now? Am I still so far removed from getting my head right even though I'm telling myself I have.

Look I have no demons from my past. There are no deep rooted problems that I need to get out and come to terms with. But how and why is my percpetion of normal vs emotional eating so far from where I want it to be. It feels like I glide along the path of emotional eating freedom and genuine internal happiness until I hit a pot hole and come down in a tumbling heap with some frequency. I want to get to that place where I can see the pot hole coming so I veer around it or I sprint over it or I ease myself ever so gently in then out of it. You get my drift???

I wasnt even sure of posting this tonight but my blog header does say that I blog the good the bad and everything in between so thats me uncut. I really welcome any comments, insights or observations that you, my readers, may have. I'm looking to find a better understanding of this and a solution to get me to where I want to be. I'm all ears.

M

A TYPICAL SATURDAY

Well today was pretty much a typical Saturday except that Peter took a day off from working around the house and came to watch our boy skate. However it turned out to be the worst time to come and watch because of new skates that were tight and uncomfortable to start with so there was a lot of standing around and wasting time. He got there in the end but not til there had been lots of frustration on our behalf.

I had to modify today's training due to rain this morning. I rarely ride the exercise bike these days but today I dragged it out and hopped on while reading Shelley's 2nd book To Fat and Back. I tell you, that 40 minutes went so quickly and I enjoyed every bit of the book even though I'm only a little way into it. I could relate to much of it and my heart went out to her on so many levels as I read about her struggles last year.

Due to a minor case of domestic mismanagement, I ended up having to treat Peter out to lunch today LOL. We rarely go out to lunch together on a Saturday so it was quite a little treat. We kept it fairly simple though at one of our local cafes .. and saved ourselves for beer o'clock and home made seafood laksa for dinner :-) Tomorrow Bikram yoga is on my schedule and I cant tell you how much I'm looking forward to that :-)

So not much else to waffle on about tonight. Just looking forward to a good day tomorrow, Bikram, including walking there and back, a trip to a wildlife park in the afternoon, probabaly out for coffee as well and then lamb koftas with hummos and tabbouleh for dinner. Yummo!!

Off to bed to read the paper now :-)

BIG STUFF .... DECIDED

One thing is guaranteed in our household ... Friday night beer o'clock brings out the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. After a glass (or two) of wine I'm telling it like it is and there is no holding back. It is honestly the BEST time to thrash something out and make important decisions from the heart.

So my decision is made after lots of discusion, debate and deliberation.

In 2012 I will be an Adelaide Univeristy student studying for my Graduate Certificate in Business Administration. At least one other colleague from my current course will also be doing her Grad Cert and there may well be one more. The rest of the group seem pretty uninterested.

Now, I'll still work full time as this study is 36 hours contact time over 12 weeks  plus my reading, assignments and exam prep time. I only have to complete and pass 2 modules to achieve my qualification. I will be a busy busy little beaver but Peter is totally supportive (I knew I married that man for a good reason) and I know that if I'm well organised, balanced and dedicated I will succeed. I'm genuinely excited about the prospect of continuing my studies so I know its the right decision.

At this stage I'm only biting off a small chunk at a time so its Grad Cert by August 2012 and then I'll reassess if I want to continue.

Geez life will change and I'll need to be super organised and disciplined to achieve this but I've managed well this year and am fully prepared to ramp it up next year. Its an exciting time.

:-) M

BIG STUFF

Tonight's post is a bit of a brain and heart dump about big stuff that I'm facing in the coming months.

You all know (if you're regular readers) that I'm doing a management training course this year. There are 6 modules each of 2 days duration each followed by an assignment for assessment, one exam and then a work based project. However at the end of it I get a certificate that says I did the course (and passed it). It is NOT a formal qualification.

I now have the choice to continue my studies or take what I've got and run. I can jump into the full MBA (Master of Business Administration) course or chip away at it via a Grad Certificate in Business Admin and Grad Diploma in same. The next step would be the MBA.

Here's what's attractive:

1. I need to do 2 subjects of 12 weeks each (and pass them of course) to achieve the Grad Cert and receive a "parchment".
2. By August 2012 I can have this finished.
3. I have enjoyed the learning process - the intellectual stimulation has been great and I have already benefitted from the year's study (feeling more confident about my ability to do my job and also to work at a higher level.)

Here are the not so attractive bits:

1. Contact time of 36 hours / module and personal time commitment of between double and triple that (6-9 hours / week).
2. The cost (tertiary study is not cheap and I'm not sure if / how much my employer would cover).
3. Lifestyle change to accommodate the time commitment (less "me-time", less family time, less time to devote to work which I need to keep on top of things.)

But facts aside the fundamental issues I'm grappling with which are at the heart of all this are:

1. I dont have a tertiary qualification of any sort and have made it to where I am through hard work, experience and being in the right place at the right time and then performing well and delivering. I would LOVE to have a tertiary qualification.

2. If I invest in this study ($$$ and time) then I will expect a return on my investment (in the form of a higher position). So, is that what I REALLY want? Do I want an executive level position and all that goes with it? Obviously the extra money would be great but with it comes extra pressure and stress (there's no such thing as a free lunch!!).

That is my dilemma to ponder and decide by early December as applications for the course(s) are due then. Oh and I'll have it on the agenda for discussion at beer o'clock this Friday night.

:-)

M

HANDING BACK CONTROL OF THE SHIP

Today the divine Miss H (my Director) returned from her OS sojourn and I handed back the Director's job. PHEW!!!

It was an interesting experience. I learnt heaps including just how much I DONT know. But I gave it my best shot and certainly put a good effort in so I can sleep at night knowing this.

The ironical bit is that although the ultimate responsibility for our unit's issues no longer lies with me, there is still a massive workload that I'm responsible for and this will continue for quite some weeks. C'est la vie. Hard work never scared me... even if I get on here and have my whinges or mini meltdowns LOL.

Still contemplating a day's leave for some personal indulgence but my original plan for 11 November is no longer possible due to a major project running late and that date being a critical milestone.

Having said all that, I've clocked 2 weights sessions this week - legs and abs yesterday and back / shoulders / tris today. I have a little bit of DOMS in my glutes which is good as I'm now working with weights that "make a difference." Eating has been good and my daily indulgence is usually a wine with dinner - consumed with no regret or guilt as my food is pretty healthy.

Anyways I have a little work to catch up on tonight so I say farewell until next time.

:-) M

FRENCH WOMEN DONT GET FAT

I bought this book a while ago and recently finished it having only ever read a few pages at a time before going to sleep. It wasnt the sort of book that totally absorbed you, the sort that once you start, you just cant stop. But I enjoyed it and thought I'd review it in case anybody was wondering what it was about.

Firstly let me say that it had some really good sensible messages in it. It would appeal to the more mainstream reader rather than those who aspire to be athletes in any form. Eg: if you take your training pretty seriously and like to live by some / many diet rules then its not going to be your cup of tea. Each to their own, me thinks.

The author (Mireille Guiliano lives in America and happens to be the CEO of Champagne Veuve Cliquot) writes of her life as an exchange student when she gained a lot of weight due to poor eating habits. Upon returning home to France, her mother put her onto the family GP (aptly named Dr Miracle) who gently guided her on a journey of gradual and sustainable weight loss. She details the proceess she went through to:

1. become aware of her eating habits
2. undertake a "re-casting' (like a mini detox - one weekend only) 
3. then progress through the first three months making some gradual changes to her eating
4. learn some smart tips to minmise the (potentially negative) effects of the changes in order to maintain a healthy relationship with food and to continue to enjoy the pleasure it gives.
5. learn how to maintain a healthy weight long term WITHOUT dieting but being smart and mindful when it comes to food.

She writes with such passion about the foods that the French enjoy and I was cheering and agreeing with her love of bread, wine, champagne and other traditionally forbidden foods that many people go out of their way to avoid. (Chocolate too but of that I'm not a fan). A strong message is "choose quality over quantity" and this also resonates well with me.

Some people might be thinking "yeah its just another diet book subtley marketed to not appear so" but I found it to be more a message of "you can have anything as long as you balance it all out" or simply put "the MODERATION message" worded in some fancy ways. There are lots of recipes too but I havent tested any.

Chapter 10 "Moving Like a French Woman" takes a VERY mainstream approach to exercise and had me giggling at her perception of "small free weights (one and a half to three kilos) used in simple, familiar exercises are a good way to preserve upper-body tone and bone density and supplement the cardiovascular benefits of an active lifestyle." But on the other hand she does advocate an active lifestyle with messages such as "walk everywhere", "take the stairs whenever you can" and she writes quite extensively about the importance of breathing. Again there's some basically good advice there for our typically lazy Aussie culture.

To finish she gives quite a long list of tips and tricks that she and French women use to enjoy a wide variety of foods while staying slim. Most had me nodding my head (French women love bread and would never consider a life without carbs), some had me laughing (French women will dress to take out the garbage - you never know) and the one I really needed to hear (French women do stray, but they always come back, believing there are only detours and no dead ends.)

It was a good book for me as it aligned with my philosophy on food and eating and how I aspire to live my life (except for the light weights for upper body toning LOL). The last tip that hits home for me is this:

French women choose their own indulgences and compensations. They understand that little things count, both additions and subtractions, and that as an adult everyone is the keeper of her own equilibrium."

Hail French women and hail to living lean and healthy while never feeling deprived.

:-) M

SUNDAY OUT

Hey there, what are you playing?

Oh look, Mummy's taking photos.

Well we better give her our best photo pose. How's this?

Today we went to a restaurant called "fish". But our fish faces look more like cat's bums. (Need to practice fish faces some more.)

Well Bikram yoga didnt happen today as the studio had a seminar and limited classes early and late in the day, neither time suiting me. So I ended up going for a walk which was actually more about pleasure than an exercise session. The problem was that by the time I got to walk, I'd been up for hours, had nothing to eat (its recommended that you dont eat for 2 - 3 hours before Bikram) and was REALLY hungry. So I set off on a walk, went to my fave cafe and ordered a cappuccino and a serve of raisin toast and finished reading French Women Dont Get Fat (review coming soon). After that I set off on a walk, tummy happy, me happy and soaking up my beautiful suburb and all it has to offer.



We headed out for a family day at Glenelg and had lunch at "Fish". Peter and I shared a seafood platter (VERY NICE!!) and a bottle of wine and then mosied around until it was time to head to the airport.

Not much else to say tonight. I've been debating whether to fire up the work email and get stuck into some work but have decided to not break my own rule of no work on weekends. Instaed I'm going to have an early night and catch up reading the weekend papers. There is always tomorrow for working.

Cheers all

M